If You Go Down to the Woods
by PartyFavours
Summary: Some of the villagers go on a charity fundraiser in Connelton Woods. What could possibly go wrong?
1. Chapter 1

If You Go Down to the Woods...

Chapter One

It was 6 o' clock on a crisp December morning when Aaron batted his phone alarm off and sat up quickly in bed so that he didn't drop back off to sleep. Normally a late riser, especially on a Saturday, it was unusual for him to be out of bed before eleven on a weekend. But this day was different, and it was with a mixture of trepidation and – yes, he had to admit – excitement, that he thought about what he would be doing today.

His mother had roped him into a charity fundraiser organised by Marlon to raise money for the Down Syndrome Society. Usually, he'd run a mile from anything so community-spirited, but this was a bit different. A paintballing day out in Connelton Woods, Woolpack versus Cafe, with the first team to find the other's base camp winning. Each participant had been sponsored per hour they manage to stay in the game without being shot by a member of the other team.

Aaron was actually really looking forward to getting out in the fresh air and running around like an idiot for the day. He was by no means over losing Jackson, and he didn't think he'd ever be able to fully recover from everything that had happened. But he was making steady progress now that he had been forced by Paddy and his mother to see a therapist. Now he had strategies to help him cope with the guilt and anger which had ruled his life and caused him to do terrible things over the last few months. The main turning point had been the look on his mum's face when she found him cutting his thigh up late one night. He never wanted to cause that look again.

Since then, he'd tried his best to stop hurting himself, to control his temper rather than letting it control him, and to build some bridges with his mum. They were all difficult tasks, especially the last, since Chas only had to open her mouth to annoy him sometimes. But according to Adam, that's just a talent all mothers possess, not just his.

After quickly getting washed and dressed into his black outdoor gear, he made his way downstairs, surprised to hear lots of voices coming from the living area. Pushing the door open, he was greeted by a room full of people in similar attire to his own. Adam, Moira and Victoria were sat at the table tucking into a large cooked breakfast each. Marlon was in the kitchen, plating up three more servings, while Chas was sitting on the sofa nursing a large cup of coffee.

"Blimey, you're all up early" Aaron greeted them.

"Tell me about it" grumbled Victoria, who was already wondering why she'd agreed to this.

"This is a lie in for us mate" laughed Adam through a mouthful of sausage.

"Here y'are. Get this down ya" said Marlon as he thrust a plate of food into his hands before placing one in front of Chas and sitting down with his own.

"Cheers Marlon" he said as he dug in. Sometimes it was handy having a chef for a cousin.

"So have we got any strategy plans for today then?" asked Moira, "Or are we just going to wing it?"

"We should have two people guarding our base camp the whole time, whilst the other four split into two teams and go two different ways to the enemy's camp" said Chas, as she pushed her beans around the plate with her fork. She looked up to see everyone staring at her as if she'd grown a second head. "What?" she asked.

"Nothing" said Adam, "just wasn't expecting such a full answer at 6 in the morning, especially not..."

"...from a girl?" Chas interrupted. "Here, I've had army training, love. Would've been a Lieutenant by now if it wasn't for...never mind." She picked up her still-full plate and was about to take it into the kitchen when Adam stopped her.

"I'll have that if you don't want it Chas".

"I'm trying very hard not to be offended here" said Marlon.

"Sorry Marlon, just not hungry" Chas replied. "I'm gonna go and get my jacket, everyone be ready in ten, yeah? The minibus'll be here."

As Chas left the room, Marlon nudged Aaron and quietly asked "She alright?"

"I dunno, I'm not her minder am I?" he shot back quickly. But he was wondering the same thing. She looked tired. _"Probably just getting up so early" _he thought to himself as he jammed a whole piece of bacon into his mouth at once.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

An hour later, the two teams had arrived, been kitted out with guns, goggles and armour and were listening to the event organiser run through the rules and safety instructions. Aaron had stopped listening about ten seconds into the talk, and by the vacant looks on Victoria and Adam's faces, they hadn't fared much better on the concentration front.

The cafe team comprised of Bob, Gennie, Katie, Jimmy, Carl and Alicia. None of the girls looked very impressed to be stood in the middle of a forest at half seven in the morning in the middle of December, but they at least appeared to be listening to the instructor. Carl split his time between trying to stare Aaron down, and giving Alicia flirty sideway glances.

"_Muppet"_ thought Aaron as he shook his head. Two months ago he would have been over there starting a fight. But he realised now that a reaction was exactly what Carl wanted. So he ignored him and tried to concentrate on the talk.

"...you will have two walkie-talkies per team, it's up to you who takes charge of them. The perimeters of the battlefield are clearly marked by a thick, yellow, glow-in-the-dark rope. Under no circumstances should you cross this barrier, as the land isn't ours and hasn't been checked for health and safety. Other than that, have a great day!"

"See you later losers!" shouted Adam to the other team as they started to depart towards their base camp.

"Don't be too sure" returned Jimmy, who seemed to be having the most fun on his team. This was due in most part to the fact that this was his first day away from Dad duties in a month. He was glad Gennie had roped him into joining the team. Nicola wasn't too happy about it, but since it was for charity, she couldn't complain too much. The only thing he was regretting was forcing Carl into joining too. He thought it would take his mind off his ongoing obsession with Chas, not realising that both she and her hot-headed son would be heading up the opposing side.

As they walked towards their base camp, the Woolie team discussed more tactics.

"Who's gonna do what then?" asked Moira.

"Yeah, and who's with who?" asked Victoria.

"Who has the most sponsorship money?" asked Chas.

Everyone was confused. "What's that got to do with the price of fish?" snorted Marlon.

"Well, if we want to raise the most money, we want the people with the most money sponsored per hour to last the longest without being shot. They should be our base camp guards." said Chas, as if she was speaking to a bunch of five year olds.

"Wow, that Business degree has finally come in handy" said Marlon, "I'm getting sixty quid an hour in sponsorship".

"Fifty for me" said Adam.

"Same" added Aaron.

"I'm on for about seventy I think" said Moira, "thanks to the pub patrons and a very kind man at the chippie, who smiles too much, but hey..."

"Victoria? How much have you managed to get signed up?" asked Marlon.

"A hundred and five. What? I have a lot of Facebook friends." She replied.

"Well, that settles that. Moira and Victoria man the camp" said Chas, niftily avoiding disclosing how much she'd got together. The two girls grinned at each other, glad to be able to avoid attempting to navigate the freezing countryside.

"Me and Aaron'll go ahead and see if we can sneak through without being seen then. Can you and Marlon follow a bit behind and cover our backs?" Adam asked Chas.

"Sure, no problem" she said.

"Bring back memories Chas?" Marlon chirped, "me and you and our shotguns stalking prey in the woods". Aaron saw his mum grimace slightly at the memory before flashing a smile at Marlon, who carried on talking, oblivious. "Yeah, Dingle rite of passage is shooting a rifle. You're not officially part of the family until you can knock ten cans off a wall in ten shots. Our Chas was five when she could do it."

"And how old were you?" asked Moira.

"Thirteen" laughed Chas. Everyone snorted, to Marlon's dismay. As Aaron scowled at the floor, he felt a pang of anger rise through him as he listened to this. He'd never been shown how to shoot, not even when he was forced to visit his mum when he was younger. He hated those trips, but they would've been a lot better if he'd have been allowed to go hunting. He looked up to see her watching him and he forced a neutral look onto his face. Now wasn't the time or place to dredge up those old feelings again.


	3. Chapter 3

Thanks for my reviews, hope this is entertaining a couple of people out there. I'm enjoying writing it anyway.

Chapter Three

On the other side of the forest, the cafe team had decided to leave just one person, Bob, at their base camp and go out individually along different routes. Their hope was that at least one person would manage to slip by the other team undetected. Gennie didn't like this plan, mainly because it was Carl's and she still hadn't forgiven him for what he did to her sister. But she was also unhappy to be trawling though a dank, dingy forest on her own, with only a map to guide her. Which is why she and Katie arranged to ignore Carl's plan, meet up once they'd left the base camp and travel together.

"He's probably done the same and joined up with Alicia by now, the slimy get" said Gennie an hour later. The sun had now risen, but it had neither warmed them up nor brought much more light to proceedings.

"Yeah, I'm sure he's only going after her to annoy Chas" Katie replied, "I wouldn't be surprised if they both found themselves shot in the head very quickly today".

Gennie grimaced. "Do you think she'll shoot us in the head? I mean, we are on the other team. I still don't remember why I agreed to this."

"Join the club!" laughed Katie, "But no, she wouldn't shoot her sister and best mate in the head. Probably just kneecap us or summat".

"Thanks Katie, that's made me feel so much better!" Gennie sighed as she looked furtively around in case her sister already had her in her sights. "I think Carl's got more to be worried about with Aaron than Chas today anyway. She seems to be well and truly over him now, thank God!"

"Oh Gennie," replied Katie, laughing at her friend's naivety, "that is one ship that will keep on sailing until one or both of them is dead. I don't think either of them has any control over it anymore."

As they walked alongside a small ravine which had frozen over in the cold December weather, Gennie saw her reflection sparkling back at her and thought about what Katie said. She'd envied her older sister ever since she'd met her. Tall, beautiful, smart and funny, she had no shortage of men fawning over her and no shortage of confidence in dealing with them. It always annoyed her how easily she seemed to flit from man to man, playing with their feelings and not seeming to care about the consequences. But watching her relationship with Carl over the last few years, the sacrifices she had made for him and the way he treated her in return, she couldn't help but feel sorry for Chas. She knew that the road to true love never did run smooth, but Chas and Carl's road seemed to have been carved into the side of a cliff; it had so many obstacles in its way. Not least Chas and Carl themselves. _"But then what do I know about true love?" _thought Gennie, _"at least they are staying away from each other for the time being". _"Come on slow coach!" shouted Katie, bringing Gennie out of her reverie. She looked up and realised that she was now a good twenty metres behind her friend, so she jogged to catch up.

"Did you hear that?" hissed Adam to Aaron.

"What?"

"I think it was someone shouting over there" he pointed over towards a ravine, "a girl I think". They both crouched low to the ground and waited to see if anyone appeared. Sure enough, after a minute, they saw two helmets pop into view, followed by the rest of the forms of two familiar figures.

"You take Blondie" said Aaron to his best mate, "I'll take Dippy Dora".

Adam laughed quietly as he nodded, took aim and waited until his prey got a little bit closer. He waited until he heard Aaron's first shot, then fired two of his own. Both missed. The girls screamed and tried to run away, but three more rounds of firing and they were both covered in luminous green paint. They looked around to see if they could see who got them, but the boys had the sense to stay low to the ground, just in case there were any other players lurking in the vicinity.

"Oh well," Katie said as they turned and made their way back to their base camp, "at least we can get a cup of coffee and warm up inside now".

"Bob's gonna be really disappointed in us though, we only managed a couple of hours" Gennie moaned, "how did they get over here so quickly?"

"Maybe they ran, in which case it'll have been Adam or Aaron, or both" said Katie, "there's no way any of the others would have so much energy first thing on a morning."

Adam and Aaron watched their first kills of the day retreat back to the camp. Once they were satisfied that no one was watching, they gave a small high-five and then followed them at a safe distance towards the enemy's base camp.

Neither of them noticed another pair of eyes watching them from deeper within the forest.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

An hour or so later, Chas and Marlon were making their way through a particularly dense part of the woods. Marlon had just spoken to Moira on the walkie-talkie and she had told them that Adam had just returned back to base camp with his tail between his legs having been shot by Jimmy. On a brighter note, Jimmy had then been taken out by Aaron, who was still in the game, so they were doing much better at avoiding being shot than the other team.

It had started to rain quite heavily and Chas shivered as a large gust of wind hit them both from behind. Marlon put the walkie-talkie away and moved closer to his cousin as they walked. Chas kept looking around, seeing if she could see any enemy players in their midst. Marlon should have been doing the same, but he couldn't help staring at his cousin. She looked so...tired. He'd not really seen her much over the last few weeks, splitting most of his time equally between the kitchen and his beautiful baby son, Leo. He knew she'd had a few dramas lately with Aaron, _"so what's new there?"_ he thought, but things seemed to be improving in that area according to Paddy. Now that he had a chance to look at her properly though, Chas looked like she'd not slept for weeks. She had definitely lost weight too, which wasn't good, since she was thin as a rake to start off. Which started Marlon off on one of his usual internal monologues...

"_Whatever you do, don't say 'you look tired' as she'll probably pull your brain out through your eye sockets. Ask her if she's okay, she can't see anything wrong with that, can she? But then she'll ask why and then what do I say? Why am I so scared of her, she's my younger cousin? I have seniority, she should listen to me when I talk and take heed. Yeah right, since when has Chas ever listened to anyone's advice? Apart from Uncle Zak's...sometimes...oh God, she's looking at me!"_

"Marlon!" Chas hissed for the third time as she pulled him out of the way of the branch he was about to walk into. "Will you watch where you're going? What's the matter with you?"

"You look tired. Dammit, I mean, sorry. I will..." Marlon stammered as his brain yet again failed him. He closed his eyes and prepared himself for at least a verbal assault from Chas for daring to suggest she looked any less glamorous than usual. But when nothing came, he opened his eyes to see that she'd already started off again down the trail, scanning the trees for any signs of life. He jogged to catch her up.

"Are you okay?" he asked her once he'd fallen back in step with her. She sighed heavily, then attempted a smile.

"Course I am, why wouldn't I be?"

"Well, you just seem...quiet. And tired. And a bit pale."

"Watch it Marlon, you're treading on thin ice there". She smiled again to show she was joking. "I'm fine, honest. Just knackered – not been sleeping too well."

"Anything I can help with?" Marlon asked, not expecting her to say yes. She tended to unburden herself to Charity nowadays as far as he could tell. Or Paddy if it was to do with Aaron. She didn't have an opportunity to answer anyway, because all of a sudden, two things happened at once.

To their left they heard a shout and a shot ring out. They both quickly ducked behind a tree and poked their head round to see Aaron being shot at by Carl. He had missed, and so Aaron grinned cockily at him, turned around and ran as fast as he could into the woods in an attempt to escape Carl's next shot. Carl took off after him in a flash, trying to shoot as he ran.

At the same time, to their right, they saw Alicia quietly creeping through the woods on her own. If they didn't get her now, she may actually reach their base camp and win the game. Quick as lightning Chas made a decision, "You go after Tarty Knickers and make sure she gets nowhere near base. Try and shoot her somewhere painful, if you can. I'll try and catch up with those two idiots before they kill each other". She gave him no time to respond as she dashed off after her feckless son and idiot ex, so Marlon turned to the task at hand and followed Alicia at a safe distance, waiting for an opportunity to strike.

Aaron had had the feeling he was being watched for the last hour, but he'd put it down to the nature of the game. Now he realised it was not him being paranoid, but that Carl had been following him, waiting until he was on his own before he took a shot at him. "_Such a muppet!"_ he thought as he ran between the trees as fast as his legs would take him.

Carl was determined to keep up with the little rat. He knew he was being childish and stupid, but shooting Aaron seemed like the most important thing in the world at that point in time. He could hardly see a thing in the rain and his feet kept slipping on the slick forest floor. His heart was pounding – he'd not run this fast since he was a teenager – but the adrenaline was keeping him going.

Neither of them noticed passing the thick yellow rope, so caught up they both were in the chase. Aaron kept running, despite his legs burning and his face stinging from the cold rain battering against his cheeks. He kept on having to wipe his safety goggles with his jacket sleeve to get rid of enough rain for him to see. He'd just managed another quick swipe when he saw the ground in front of him start to slope alarmingly. He tried to slow down but his feet started to slip and he skidded a good five metres before his legs went from under him and he dropped to the ground. He realised as he looked in front of him that he had stopped just in time, as not two metres away from him was a steep drop. He turned to look behind him and saw Carl standing at the top of the slope, gun trained on him and a grin a mile wide plastered all over his stupid face. He got to his feet, ready to take his punishment like a man, but he couldn't help closing his eyes as he braced himself for the sharp sting of the paintball hitting him at such a close range.

He heard the pop of the gun, but he didn't feel anything. Confused, he opened his eyes to see Carl holding his backside with his hands and looking furiously around him. The rain was washing a nice line of bright green paint down the back of his trousers. Aaron looked up to see his mother straightening up from her shooting position at the top of a mound about fifteen metres away to his right. She was laughing hysterically as Carl started rubbing his backside and walking around in a circle to ease the pain.

"Sorry Carl!" she shouted through her laughter, "but all's fair in love and war!"

"Nice one Mum!" Aaron shouted as he started to make his way towards her, past Carl who, now he realised it was Chas who'd shot him, was fuming. Aaron couldn't have been more pleased at the situation, and he was seriously impressed by his mother's shot. This feeling wasn't to last long. He watched her navigate her way down the mound and over towards him, but then it was as if the world switched into slow motion as he saw her slip on a patch of moss and tumble down the slope and over the edge.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

"Mum!" "Chas!"

Aaron and Carl shouted simultaneously and both scrambled as quickly as they could to the edge of the drop. They crouched down and peered over the side, to find a deep ditch with Chas lying on her back at the bottom.

"Chas!" Carl shouted again and she started to stir. She sat up slowly and looked around her as she tried to get her bearings.

"Are you okay?" called Aaron "are you hurt?"

"Just a few bumps and bruises I think", she called back to them and tried to stand. As soon as she tried to put weight on her left leg, she fell back down with a cry. "Ah! Me flamin' leg!"

Carl turned round to see Aaron shedding his goggles and gun and making his way along the side of the ditch to a point where it was reasonably safe to navigate his way down towards his mother. Once Aaron had reached the bottom, Carl did the same, and they both ran to Chas. She was clutching her knee and taking deep breaths, trying to breathe through her pain. Aaron bent down next to her. "Do you think you could get up if we helped you?" he asked.

"Can try" she said doubtfully. Carl bent down on her other side and he and Aaron took one arm each and they lifted her up onto her right leg.

"Now what?" Carl asked. They looked around and realised there was no way Chas could climb out of the ditch without the use of both legs.

"Have either of you got walkie-talkies?" asked Chas.

"No, Bob and Jimmy took ours" replied Carl and Aaron shook his head.

"Well, help me over there" she nodded her head towards a part of dry ground sheltered by some overhanging trees. They supported her as she hobbled her way over, then helped to lower her down to the ground. She shifted backwards until she was leaning against the steep wall of the trench and then let out a heavy sigh.

Carl saw that she had a large gash across one cheek and little bruises were starting to blossom everywhere that wasn't covered by her clothing. He was about to speak when Aaron got in first.

"This is your fault you idiot!" he gave Carl a push as his anger and frustration boiled over.

"How do you figure that out?" Carl growled and pushed him back.

"This is not helping!" Chas shouted loudly then couldn't stop a small whimper escaping as her knee started to twinge. Carl was instantly at her side, whilst Aaron, never good at the whole comforting thing, just stared at her. She took another deep breath and spoke more calmly. "At least the rain has let off for a bit. I'll be okay waiting here whilst one of you gets help."

"Can we not just wait until they start to miss us? The game's supposed to be over soon isn't it?" asked Carl.

"Yeah, in another two hours, you budgie!" Aaron spat at him.

"Anyway, they won't know where to look" continued Chas "as you two geniuses crossed the safety barrier, hence the giant gaping hole in the ground in which we are now situated". At this, both men had the good grace to look guilty. "We're closest to your base, Carl, do you think you could find your way back?"

"Yeah, easily. But..."

"Right, well take all of our ammo as well as your gun. Every metre or so, shoot the ground so that there's a trail for people to follow on their way back. Hopefully the rain will let off long enough for it not to wash away". As she spoke, she reached into her jacket pocket and pulled out all of the ammo she had left and passed it to Carl. He took it and stuffed it into the pocket of his army pants. Then he took his jacket off and offered it to Chas.

"Here, you're shivering, take this."

"You'll freeze, I'm fine" she said, refusing to take it.

"I'm going to jog most of the way, I'll be nice and warm. Besides, you're injured and sat on a freezing floor. You need to keep warm Chas, take it. He shoved it back towards her and then straightened up. "Take care of her" he said to Aaron, then made his way back up the side of the ditch, picked up all the discarded ammo and his gun from earlier and made his way back towards camp.

Chas covered herself with Carl's jacket and looked up at her son.

"And then there were two" she said quietly.


	6. Chapter 6

Anyone out there? Constructive criticism or comments on the story would be gratefully received.

Chapter Six

Now that it was just him and his mum, Aaron felt awkward. He didn't know what to do with himself, what to say. He was no good at this sort of thing, and he felt partly responsible for his mum being injured. He'd promised himself and her that that wouldn't happen again after the car incident.

"How's the leg?" he asked as he looked over to her. She seemed calm enough now.

"Yeah, okay. As long as I don't move it" she smiled, putting on a brave face, but he could tell it was really hurting her. Her pale, bruised face was pinched with pain.

"Is it the leg you hurt last time?" he asked. She nodded, as they both went back to that time in their heads. She had just had her army dreams dashed by the idiot that is Carl King falling on her and injuring her knee. He was forced to spend time with the mother that had abandoned him. They battled constantly and said hateful things to each other. He didn't see her for a few years after that, by which time he'd gone from being a spoilt, only child, to a nuisance stepchild, pushed onto the sidelines. The only thing that hadn't changed was the hate he felt for her, the bitterness, confusion and anger at being abandoned.

He tried to shake himself out of his reverie. '_No point going there, it never helps,' _he thought to himself. But he could hear his counsellor's voice in his head, encouraging him to talk to his mother about it. To ask the questions that still ran around his head from time to time, "_Why did you leave me?" _being the most obvious. He had refused to do it so far, partly because speaking to his mother for more than five minutes usually brought on a migraine, but also because he was scared of the answers he may get. Maybe it was all his fault after all. The counsellor had said that he'd never have a healthy relationship with his mum until they had confronted their past issues. Now he had to decide whether it was worth the risk. He looked at her, sitting on the cold ground, shivering despite the extra coat. Not surprising since she had almost no meat on her bones to keep her warm – _when did she get so thin?_ She seemed to be lost in her own thought processes, as she was staring blankly at the floor.

Aaron took a hesitant step towards her, then stopped. He put his hands on his hand and looked up to the sky, trying to decide whether or not this was the right time to make such a huge leap into the unknown. _'Sack it' _he thought, _'no time like the present and all that'._ And with that, he carried on walking towards Chas and sat down beside her. He put one arm around her and pulled her gently close to him. She leaned into him, glad of the extra warmth from his body, but there was no hiding her surprise at her son's actions.

"Don't go getting any ideas I'm going soft. You need to stay warm, that's all" he said to her defensively.

"You don't half sound like Our Cain sometimes" she laughed. He wasn't sure how to take that. He liked his Uncle, he'd been there for him on more than one occasion, but he could be a right twonk when the mood took him.

"Thanks. I think" was all he could think of to say. They sat in silence for a few more minutes, until he took the plunge and, for the first time in his entire life, initiated a serious conversation with his mum.

"My counsellor says I need to talk to you..."

"Oh yeah? What about?" she turned her head upwards so she could see him, worry now etched across her face. "Has something else happened? Have you...you know...again?"

"Calm down, no. Nothing like that, I've not done that for ages. He's really helped with all that, shown me other ways of coping."

"Well what then?" she asked nervously.

"He says I have to talk to you about when I was younger. About when you left." He prepared for the explosion, the defensive attitude, the whirlwind that was Chas Dingle when challenged. But he got nothing more than a sigh. She looked back down at the ground and he could feel her whole body tense.

"What do you want to hear?" she asked quietly.

"We can do this another time?" he said quickly, already regretting bringing it up "this is probably the wrong time to do this".

"Nah, as good a time as any, nothing better to do, neither of us can storm off. I have been expecting this conversation, you know?"

"Really?" he asked, genuinely surprised, "how come?"

"Well, this counsellor bloke seems to be helping you with your issues over Jackson, so he must be a clever bloke" she replied. "And it doesn't take a genius to figure out most of your other issues start and end with me. So go ahead, any questions, I'll try and answer them honestly. But you won't like hearing some of this. And I want you to know before we start this that no matter what I've been like as a mother in the past, I've never stopped loving you. If you believe anything, please believe that. "

Aaron nodded. He wanted to believe that. More than anything.


	7. Chapter 7

Hi, this is a long chapter, probably a bit waffly, so sorry about that! I read the bit about how Chas and Gordon met in another fanfic and liked it so I borrowed it here, hope no one minds? Cheers x x

Chapter Seven

"Where do we start then?" Chas asked. She had been waiting with dread for this day to come for months, ever since Aaron started counselling. She hadn't expected such a dramatic setting, but found that the pain of her leg had now faded into mere background noise compared to the sick feeling she now had in the pit of her stomach. '_This may be the day I lose my son forever' _she thought, and she could feel her blood run cold, every last bit of warmth and strength felt like it was seeping out of her body, to be replaced with stone cold fear. But she knew that her son deserved the truth, that she owed him to be completely honest with him now, and that's what she intended to be.

"I don't know" Aaron sighed, "forget it, I've changed my mind. It can wait".

"Oh no, this is happening now sunshine, you're not backing out now". Chas knew that if they put it off now, it'd never be approached again by either of them.

"Well you tell me where to start then, since you're so clever all of a sudden" Aaron felt the anger rising already. Chas could sense it too. She knew that her son's temper came from her, usually she would have at least raised her voice by now, but today she didn't have the energy to get angry.

"I saw you scowl when Marlon was talking about hunting earlier. Want to talk about why that made you so angry?"

He hadn't realised she'd noticed that. _'Was that only this morning?' _he thought to himself. It seemed like days ago, not hours, that they were all discussing tactics. _'As good a place to start as any I suppose'._

"Fine," he said, "yeah it did make me angry. Marlon going on about Dingle rites of passage. That you're not truly a Dingle until you can shoot a load of cans. I never went shooting, no one ever showed me this Dingle ritual."

"You were too young when you used to come and visit" Chas said calmly.

"I was twelve!"

"Yeah, too young to go running around with a gun."

"Don't give me that! I heard what Marlon said - you were five when you could shoot" Aaron was already getting frustrated by his mother's answers.

"It's not the same"

"How? What's so different? What's so special about you that you can do it and I can't?"

"Me and Cain didn't go out shooting for fun like the others. We didn't play around at being cowboys like Our Marlon, Dell, and Eli and the others. We had to be good because if we didn't kill a rabbit, or a decent bird, more often than not, we'd go hungry."

Aaron was taken aback. He hadn't expected that. Surely she was exaggerating. He knew that Zak quite often added to Lisa's stew pot with a bit of poached meat, and he'd seen his granddad come home with a few rabbits slung over his shoulder at times. He must have kept them in food the majority of the time? She had to be exaggerating.

"But Shadrach..."

"Look," Chas was now shifting uncomfortably, "we're supposed to be talking about your childhood, not mine. This hasn't really got anything to do with anything. I didn't take you hunting when you came to visit for three reasons. Number one, you were too young and too angry at me for me to be putting a loaded gun in your hands. Number two, if I'd have suggested going hunting, you would have said it was stupid because you hated me and everything I suggested. And three, if you went back home and said I'd taken you hunting, your Dad would've banned me from seeing you again".

Aaron knew he'd hit a nerve. He considered what she'd said. It was true, he was a pain when he was made to visit his mum. He'd been told stories by his dad about his mother's crazy Dingle family and he hated being packed off there to hang around with them. He'd treated everything his mum said or did with derision and point blank refused to listen to her most of the time. But it was all she deserved. The person he got on best with back then was Shadrach. Looking back, he realised this was because he knew it would hurt his mum to see her father and son get on so well when neither could get on with her. He thought more about what she said. No, they weren't supposed to be talking about her childhood, but maybe they should. He knew next to nothing about his mum's formative years, he'd never really thought about them. Shadrach was bad enough as a granddad; he shuddered to think what he was like as a dad. Maybe if he could learn about her childhood, he could understand a bit more about his own?

"I think we should talk about it" he said. She looked up at him, confused.

"What?"

"Your childhood"

She shook her head.

"Why not?"

"No. No point. It's irrelevant. I'm not going to rake up ancient history for no good reason."

"I'll decide if it's irrelevant" Aaron replied. The more his mother protested, the more he was certain this was exactly what they should be discussing. "You said you'd answer any questions I had honestly. Are you going back on your promise already?"

Chas paused, thinking things over. Aaron could practically hear the cogs going round in her head. "No" she said eventually, "fine, I'll tell you."

Aaron suddenly had a million questions thundering through his brain. How had he never wondered about this before? His family, his mum, his uncle, how they grew up, where they grew up, what happened to their mum? It felt as if someone had shown him a glimpse of something behind a curtain, and now he wanted to rip the curtain down and give that something a thorough inspection.

"Why would you have starved?" he asked "Where was your mam? And Granddad?"

Chas laughed a humourless laugh, "Faith Dingle left when I was five and Our Cain was ten. No great loss though, she was less than useless as a mother when she was around. Seen her a few times over the years at various Dingle Clan get-togethers, working her way through most of the men in the family. But Dad fell apart when she left, hit the bottle hard and never stopped. Managed to clear his head long enough to claim his cheque from the social and spend it all down the offy."

"What about Zak? And the rest of the family? Why didn't they sort him out?"

"Uncle Zak wasn't head of the family then, he couldn't have done owt. Although, I reckon if he knew Cain was actually his son he might've taken a bit more interest. No, early on, when Faith first left, the family tried to help, they'd call round and try to sober me dad up, make sure me and Cain weren't getting into too much bother and were going to school."

"Oh yeah, really important to the Dingles – a good education" sneered Aaron. He was having trouble taking all this in. His idea of what his family was about had been turned on its head. He always thought they were all just a bunch of crazy hillbillies, but this sounded like something out of a Ken Loach movie.

"No," Chas replied, "they just knew that we'd get reported to social services if we didn't go in enough. Didn't want us in care, did they? I liked school anyway, I was good at it, had friends, got to escape the house for six hours a day. Pure bliss. Harder to get Cain to go though."

Aaron listened to his mother as she told her story. She was speaking so quietly he had to strain his ears to hear her. She was relaying the tale in a flat, monotone voice, very unlike her, and it sounded like now that she had stated talking, it was hard for her to stop. But he didn't mind, despite its shocking nature, it was compelling.

"The family gave up on Shadrach after a few years, wrote him off. Don't blame them – there's only so many times you can lecture someone before you get bored. We managed. We learnt how to cadge food and favours off the neighbours, we hunted down the woods and lifted stuff from the shops. Got in trouble with the police so often everyone knew our names down Hotten nick. Me, Cain and Charity were thick as thieves, always up to some scam or other. I was the youngest, so I was normally the decoy, or the bait. Then, when I was ten, Charity ran off. She was pregnant with Debbie, but we didn't know that at the time. She was like a big sister to me and I missed her loads, but Cain went completely off the rails. Started getting into serious trouble, I couldn't control him anymore, no one could".

Aaron tried to imagine a ten year old Chas trying to lecture a fifteen year old Cain. He failed. He couldn't picture either of them as children, they seemed too...hard...to have ever been kids. He looked down as he noticed his mum had stopped talking. She had her eyes closed, '_probably lost in the memories'_ he thought.

"So what did you do?" he asked. She jumped slightly, and opened her eyes again.

"I left him to it mostly. Made sure there was food on the table in case he or me dad decided they were hungry. Cleaned up whatever mess Shadrach would cause when he'd roll in the house. I'd started at Hotten Comp that year, I made friends with some girls a few years above me and started hanging out with them. Did typical teenager stuff, went out with boys, drank cider, all that jazz. When I was thirteen, me and this girl, Maria, got talking to this bloke in a pub about working in a local strip bar. He thought we were eighteen, said we'd earn good money just dancing round a bit in our underwear. We couldn't believe our luck, went straight down and signed up. I went to school all day, then worked in the bar at night."

'_It just gets worse and worse' _thought Aaron. "Did Cain or Granddad not having any issues with a thirteen year old kid stripping?" he asked incredulously.

Chas smiled. She knew she was shocking her son. She'd not told anyone half of this, not even Carl, but she felt numb, like she was floating, and the words were coming out without her permission now. "Cain was doing a stint inside for burglary, and dad thought all his Christmases had come at once, the amount of money I was bringing in. He didn't give a crap how I earned it. And neither did I. I loved it. I know I should be ashamed, feel bad and cheap for selling my body like that, but I felt like I was in control. For once in my life I could afford to buy myself nice things, go to nice places. And I really didn't have to do much, just dance a bit, smile and shake my boobs. And if I hadn't done it, you wouldn't be here. So I don't regret it one bit".

Aaron pulled away from his mum in confusion. "What?" he asked her as she sat up a bit, roused from her daze and missing the warmth of his body against hers.

"What?" she repeated back to him.

"What do you mean I wouldn't be here? What's a seedy strip bar got to do with me?" he asked.

"Well, that's where I met your dad" she answered simply, as if it were something Aaron should already have known.


	8. Chapter 8

Hey, thanks for your reviews. Here's another longish one. I've had to guess a bit with ages and stuff X

Chapter Eight

Aaron was now pacing up and down the frozen ditch as he tried to process the information he'd just received.

"Calm down Love," said Chas, who had gone back to leaning against the trench wall. She watched him through heavy-lidded eyes. She was certain that if the adrenaline of the day's events wasn't coursing through her veins, she'd be deeply asleep by now, so tired was she.

"Stop telling me to calm down!" Aaron shouted, "are you telling me that I was born because my dad took it too far with an underage stripper? This is..."

"No! I'm saying nothing of the sort! Aaron, please, just sit back down and listen to me. I'm just saying we met there, that's all".

Aaron stopped pacing and tried to calm himself. He did as she said and sat down, but not back next to Chas. Instead, he perched on a large rock opposite. "Go on then. Explain" he said gruffly.

"Right, so, yes, your dad did come into the bar one night, but not by choice. He'd just turned eighteen and his mates got him drunk and made him go. I went outside the back on me break and he was sat on a wall having a cig, we got chatting. I don't know if it was his drunken state or my soft and cuddly demeanour, but he really opened up to me. He told me that he was feeling pressure from his dad to join the family business, from his mum to settle down, and from his mates to go out partying, none of which he actually wanted to do. I told him to tell them to stuff it and he laughed. He asked me out and I said yes".

"How old were you?"

"Nearly fourteen. I didn't tell him that though. He assumed I was eighteen I think, everyone else did."

"Great way to start a relationship, lying to him" Aaron sneered.

"I didn't think it'd go anywhere to be honest. I mean, why would someone like Gordon Livesy want to go out with someone like me? He had a normal family, money, nice flat and a guaranteed top position in the family business waiting for him. I had...Shadrach".

They both smiled a bit at this.

"But he did want me, and the more time I spent with him, the more I wanted him. He was the best I could ever hope for. I loved him".

Aaron looked for any signs of deception on his mother's face but he could see none. He believed that many moons ago, his mum and dad did genuinely love each other. Not much consolation for him now though.

"I kept him away from my family and told him I was at college rather than still at school. He kept me away from his family too, which was fine by me, stuck-up so-and-sos."

Aaron remembered his grandma and grandpa talking about his mum when he was little. They never had a good word for her. The words they most often had for her were 'common' and 'rough'.

"It was like we were in our own little bubble, when we were together, life was great and we could escape everything else. He asked me to move in with him and I said yes. Big mistake".

"Why?"

"Well, it's one thing seeing someone, it's another living with them. Reality hit. Dad kept turning up at the flat wanting money. He didn't like me living away from home cos there was no one there to clean up the vomit and pay for his beer. Me and Gordon kept arguing over stupid stuff, like who made dinner and cleaned. He wanted me to quit my job cos he never saw me and hated the idea of me stripping for strangers every night, but I told him we didn't have enough money for me to quit. So he took the job with his dad, which he hated, which made him resent me. We were properly on the rocks, and then..."

Chas looked down. She knew this was going to hurt Aaron. She didn't want to carry on, but she knew he was going to make her.

"Then what?" Aaron knew what she was going to say, but he needed her to carry on. Needed to hear it in her words.

"I found out I was pregnant. And that changed everything."

"I might've known it'd be my fault." Aaron fumed. He always felt like a burden, something no one wanted, passed around because he didn't really belong anywhere.

Chas's head shot up. She looked him directly in the eyes, pleading with him to understand. "No. Never. Whatever happened, none of it was your fault. But I didn't mean that anyway. What I meant was, it changed everything in a good way. It made us hopeful. Brought us together. Your dad proposed – wanted to make an honest woman of me. Imagine that!"

Aaron smiled despite himself. "So you were old enough to get married by then then?"

Chas looked down again. "No. I had to tell him my real age. He went mad. Then he calmed down, and we agreed that we'd get married as soon as I turned sixteen. All I needed was Shadrach's written consent, which was easy enough to get with a twenty bob note and a six pack of special brew".

He'd always assumed his mum and dad were the same age. He knew his dad was nearly forty, but he'd never needed to know his mum's exact age. Never celebrated her birthday with her. "How old are you anyway?" he asked her. It was details like this that were now becoming important.

"Thirty five. In a few weeks. But hey, what do they say – age is relative?"

"Never really understood what that meant."

"Me neither Kid. Me neither."

Aaron wiped his hands over his face a few times and linked them behind his head. So, his mum was fifteen when she had him. Not the first teenager to get pregnant – look at Charity, then Debbie. It didn't change anything. He looked at her, she was struggling to keep her eyes open, struggling to stop shivering. He felt guilty that he'd moved away from her. He'd known that whatever she told him wouldn't be easy, but he had to keep in mind what she was like now. And for the last year or so she'd been a good mum, tried her best anyway. He moved back to his previous spot and pulled her into him again. He could feel her shaking.

"I thought once you'd come along, everything would be okay. Gordon was more attentive again, treated me like royalty. We moved to a nice house on a nice new posh estate. School let me take my exams early and then I went about preparing for your arrival. And the day you were born, oh, it was the happiest day of my life."

Aaron tutted and rolled his eyes.

"I know, what a cliché. But true all the same. I was terrified, your dad passed out. My Auntie Lilah, Del's mum, helped me through it. And when I saw you, I thought _'this is it. My chance at a new life'. _It was like I was being reborn at the same time. I wasn't Chas the Drunk's Daughter, Chas the Petty Criminal or Chas the Stripper, I was Chas the Mother. And I held you and promised you I'd be the best mother I can be."

"Brilliant job you did there" mumbled Aaron, "you should've stuck to your other job titles, you were much more successful at all of them". He felt her move her arm out from underneath Carl's jacket, and looked down to see her swiping at her eyes, trying to discretely wipe away her tears.

"True. I never found it easy. I tried my best, but your dad was so much better with you than me. You would never settle for me, never feed, never go down for naps. I was at home with you all day while Gordon went to work and I just felt...trapped. I tried taking you to the local playgroup, but all the women there had a good seven years on me and looked down their noses. Could probably smell the Dingle on me, it never goes away. Your dad was always having a go at me for not making an effort with the neighbours, for not doing things a certain way. He was so anal about everything, it drove me mad".

Aaron remembered his dad's controlling nature being something that annoyed the hell out of him too. He was always finding faults with everything Aaron did or said.

Chas carried on talking, back in automatic speech mode. "I put up with it for as long as I could, I swear, but it got to my eighteen birthday and I just...crumbled. You were nearly three, I made a little party hat for you and dressed you up in your best togs. Made some bits of party food ready for when Gordon came home, nothing too fancy or owt. Got a call saying he wasn't going to be home 'til late, so I decided 'screw him, we'll have a party between us'. So I turned the stereo on really loud and we danced on the sofa to Madness and The Smiths, hand in hand and ate party rings and sausage rolls. You didn't stop giggling, it was ace."

"I remember. First and last memory of you" Aaron said softly. He wasn't sure if she heard. He wasn't sure if he wanted her to have heard. That memory was so hazy and diluted now, it had split into shards. He had always wondered why he was wearing a party hat in it, he'd assumed it must have been his birthday. It was this memory that made him hate his mum for leaving, because he had had so much fun that day, and wanted more, and never got it.

"I put you to bed and then sat on the sofa and started sobbing, for no reason. I couldn't stop. I was still crying when your dad got home. We ended up rowing because I couldn't explain myself and I'd got party rings all over the new sofa. I stormed out and ended up in a bar in Hotten. Ran into Charity, who I'd not seen for five years and I got blind drunk. Didn't go home for two days."

Aaron remembered waking up the next morning wanting to jump on the sofa and eat biscuits again and instead being greeted by his dad with a face like thunder. His grandma came and took him to hers for a few days. He thought he'd been naughty and was being punished.

"When I came round from my drunken haze, I made the decision that I was leaving. That I couldn't live with someone who didn't even remember my birthday."

"Just like that?"

"Just like that. But I fully intended to take you with me."


	9. Chapter 9

Hiya, thanks for the reviews, glad some of you are enjoying it. X

Chapter Nine

"_There's no way you're taking that boy anywhere"._

"_Just tell me where he is Gordon."_

"_No. Just calm yourself down and think about what you're doing. You don't even have anywhere to go."_

"_I'll go to me dad's."_

"_Fine. Run off to the drunk. Stay at that dive of a flat you used to call a home, but there's no way you're taking Aaron anywhere near there. I'll give you a week before you come crawling back here, begging to come home."_

"_Not bloody likely. You have no right to keep my son away from me. I'm his mum."_

"_And I'm his dad, and he's happy here. He's got stability. A house over his head and a family to look after him. You don't even have a job Chastity. You've nothing to offer him"._

Chas shook herself from the memory as she heard Aaron's voice.

"What?"

"I said, if you 'fully intended' on taking me with you, how did I end up living with Dad?"

"I agreed to go without you because I had no job and nowhere to live. My dad had gone off somewhere, Ireland I think. So I ended up kipping on a mate's couch for a bit until I sorted out a job and digs. Back to the strip club. Got a flat with a few of the girls, but there was no way I could have brought you there. I used to visit you all the time though. Do you not remember?"

"No". Was all Aaron could say. He didn't remember much at all from back then, and had little to no memory of his mother.

"Well, I did, as often as I could. I went back to college and worked hard to get qualifications so I could get a decent job and provide for the two of us. But your dad went through the courts and got sole custody easily. I had the Dingle reputation and my own past run-ins with the law to thank for that. He met Sandra and you became a family, and when I'd visit I could see you were looking at her like a mum, not me anymore. You were happy. I thought I was doing the best for you by..."

"By giving up." Aaron interrupted. "You can't have tried very hard to get custody, they always give custody to the mother. You saw it as a way of getting rid and you took it. I'm sick of hearing this sob story now."

"I don't want you to feel sorry for me love. I'm just telling you the truth. And yes. I could've fought harder. And I regret it every day that I didn't".

Aaron snorted in derision. He was about to tell her how feeble that sounded when he heard a noise above them. He let go of her once more and stood up. Carl had returned and was climbing down into the trench. He was holding a few blankets and had a rucksack on his back. He threw a blanket towards Aaron.

"Here, get that wrapped round you." He began to open out the others and put them over Chas. "How you doin'?" he asked her. She had her eyes closed and her head down, and didn't seem to notice him.

"Why are you alone?" asked Aaron, "where's the help?"

"We've called an ambulance, it's on its way" Carl replied "I ran on ahead with a few supplies. Bob's going to show them the way. The game's been called off."

Carl was out of breath. He'd acquired another jacket from somewhere, and pulled out a splint, some snacks and a couple of bottles of water from his rucksack.

"What do you think this is, a picnic?" Aaron said as he pulled the blanket around his shoulders.

"I just thought you might be hungry. There's some hot coffee in a flask in here too."

He pulled out the flask and offered it to Aaron. He grudgingly accepted.

"How is she?" Carl asked, nodding his head towards Chas. Aaron could see he was worried about her, but he couldn't care less about either of them at that moment.

"Ask her yourself" he mumbled, and walked to the other end of the ditch, as far away from them as he could. He sat on an old log and poured himself a coffee as he watched Carl bend down next to Chas.

"Chas" Carl shook her gently on the shoulder. She didn't react. "Chas" he tried again, a bit louder, "Chas, it's me. Look at me will you, stop being silly". Still no reaction. Carl turned to look at Aaron, who was just as confused as he was. "What's up with her? How long's she been like this?" he asked, panicking.

Aaron had stood up and come closer. He didn't understand what was happening. Was she messing around? Was she being stubborn because of what he'd said? "She's not. She was fine a minute ago" He told Carl.

Carl shook her harder. "Chas! Wake up, can you hear me?"

Both men breathed a sigh of relief as she stirred. Lifting her head, she tried to focus her eyes on the person in front of her but she felt dizzy and couldn't keep her eyes open. She started mumbling incoherently.

"Chas, it's Carl. Open your eyes for me" Carl put his hand under her chin and lifted her head so he could see her properly. She opened her eyes again and looked straight at him.

"Go back to sleep Carl, it's still early" she mumbled, before closing her eyes again. Carl looked to Aaron in panic. Aaron walked to the other side of Chas and shook her more firmly.

"Mum!" he shouted, "Mum, it's Aaron. Open your eyes, do you know where you are?"

Chas turned to look at Aaron. "I'm so sorry" she said to him, "I'm so sorry".

"Sorry for what? What's wrong? Is your leg hurting?"

But she wasn't listening. Her eyes had rolled back and her head was lolling about.

"She hasn't eaten all day" Aaron suggested, hoping that's all it was.

"Maybe we should get this splint on her, might stop her leg hurting?" Carl suggested. He'd just spent the last forty minutes jogging through a forest, but at no point had his heart beaten quicker than it was beating right now. He stood up and turned to get the splint as Aaron started to pull the blankets off Chas's left leg.

As Carl moved around with the splint and Aaron peeled the jacket away, they both saw something that made them stop and stare in muted horror.

Blood. Everywhere.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter Ten

His ears were pounding, he couldn't hear anything Carl was saying to him. He could just see the blood covering the ground beneath her. There was so much of it, but where was it coming from? He felt hands on his shoulders pushing him to sit on the rock behind him. His head was forced down by his knees. He put up no fight, he had no control over his body.

"Deep breaths Aaron, please don't do this, I need your help" he could hear Carl now, begging him to calm down. He hadn't realised he was breathing so quickly, so he did what he was told and took a few deep breaths. He lifted his head and saw that Carl had gone back to Chas. He was patting her cheek, trying to rouse her. Aaron walked back over on shaky legs.

"Try to bring her round a bit. Put the splint on her and then cover her back up with the blankets" Carl told him and turned to scramble about in the rucksack. Aaron spoke loudly to his mum as he fastened the splint around her leg and then covered her up as instructed.

"Mum! You need to talk to me! Stay with me and tell me where it hurts."

He moved back up and patted her cheek like he'd seen Carl doing before, but when he took his hand away he left a huge smear of blood down her face. He looked at his hands and saw that they were covered in it. He quickly wiped them on his trouser legs, trying not to be sick, and then wiped his mum's face with his sleeve. Her eyes opened and she looked at him, confused.

"Aaron...what's going on?"

"It's okay Mum, you're gonna be okay. You need to stay awake though."

"I feel weird..."

"Are you hurting anywhere? Apart from your leg?" he asked, trying to speak calmly for her benefit but he could hear his voice sounded like a scared kid's.

"Nowhere, can't really feel owt. Just cold." She started to drift off again.

Carl, meanwhile, had found what he was looking for in the rucksack. He pulled out a walkie-talkie and turned it to the correct channel. "Bob, Bob can you hear me?" he shouted desperately into it.

A familiar voice came back through the speaker, "Whoa there Carl, no need to shout mate. Are you back with Chas and Aaron?"

"Bob, are the ambulance people there yet? There's something wrong..."

"They've just got here, I was about to start out with them to come and find you. What's wrong?"

"It's Chas, she's bleeding. I don't know what's wrong with her, she's gone all funny."

Another voice came on the walkie-talkie, "Hello Carl, my name's John, I'm a paramedic. I just want you to stay calm and follow my instructions. Do you understand?"

"You need to get here now, she's bleeding loads and she doesn't know what's going on!" Carl said desperately.

"We're on our way Carl, I promise. Now could you go to Chastity and feel her neck for a pulse."

Carl scuttled over to Chas again. Aaron had sat next to her and was holding her close to him, trying to keep her warm. Carl felt for a pulse.

"Carl? Are you there? Can you feel it?"

"Yeah I can feel it, but hardly. It's dead faint, and she's really cold" Carl relayed back into the walkie-talkie, "what does that mean?"

"Is she sat up at the moment?"

"Yeah"

"I need you to lie her down flat and keep her as warm as possible Carl. Try to talk to her and keep her awake and calm if you can. I'll be there as soon as I can. I'm on a motorbike, can you tell me if I'll be able to get through to you on that?"

"Yeah, if you follow the paint trail I left, it's mostly flat"

"Great. I'm on my way. You're doing really well Carl."

Aaron heard everything and had already started to manoeuvre Chas around so they could lay her flat. He'd taken his blanket off and made a pillow for her. Carl helped him swivel her, but as they did so, she started to come round and fight against them.

"No! Whassgoinon?" she tried to shout but it came out as more of a moan, "geroff! Geroff me!"

She managed to punch Carl in the face before they both grabbed hold of her arms and pushed her down. Despite the situation, Aaron couldn't help a small smirk as he saw his mum bop Carl straight on the nose.

"Chas stop it, calm down" Carl spoke softly yet firmly to her. It seemed to work because she stopped fighting with them.

"Carl? What's going on, where's Aaron? What's happened?" she tried to sit up again. Aaron gently pushed her down, it didn't take much force, her burst of energy had dissipated and now she was back to being as weak as a kitten.

"I'm right here Mum. Stay lying down, it's fine." Aaron leaned over so she could see him. She seemed to have come to her senses a bit now she had some blood going to her head again.

"What's fine? What's going on?"

"The paramedics are on their way" Carl told her, "they told us to lay you down and keep you warm 'til they get here. Chas, when you fell, did you hurt anything else apart from your leg?"

"No, why?"

"No reason. We're just checking" he said, not wanting to alarm her. She looked at Aaron and could see there was something they weren't telling her, but she was having a hard time making her brain work at the moment. She closed her eyes. '_Just for a minute while I think. Need to remember what's happened. I was talking about something important...what was it?'_

She could hear a faint droning in the distance and felt a hand stroking her cheek. Someone was telling her to open her eyes again. Aaron. Aaron!

"Aaron," she mumbled, moving her hand from under the blankets to grab his. He willingly took it and squeezed it.

"Mum, you need to open your eyes and stay awake."

She tried to open her eyes but her eyelids felt so heavy. She squinted at him. "I'm sorry love, I'm really, really sorry."

"I know Mam, it's fine. The paramedic's coming, I can hear him. You'll be okay, you just need to stay awake. Please, try to stay awake for me."

Carl sat back and watched this exchange, wishing it was him Chas was asking for, that it was him stroking her face and holding her hand. Then he realised what Aaron said, he too could hear the bike getting closer. He got up and ran up and out of the ditch to flag him down, hoping that he wasn't too late.


	11. Chapter 11

Hello, here's the next part. It's short and took a lot longer to write as I struggled a lot with it. Let me know what you think. Cheers!

Chapter Eleven

John the paramedic followed Carl to his patient. He put his bag down, knelt the other side of her to Aaron and immediately got to work checking her vitals and putting a neck brace on her.

"Chastity" he said loudly as he checked her pulse, "Chastity, can you hear me sweetheart?"

There was no response at all.

"She prefers Chas" Aaron told him. He was still squeezing his mum's hand but it was no longer squeezing back. The neck brace was reminding him of Jackson and it made him feel dizzy again.

"Hello, you must be Aaron, is that right?" he heard John ask.

"Yeah, yeah, you've got to help her."

"Don't worry, she's in good hands now. I've told my colleagues our exact co-ordinates and we've already scrambled an air ambulance. That should be here any minute, now it knows where we are."

"An air ambulance?" Carl interjected "that means it's serious doesn't it?"

"Well she's lost a lot of blood and it looks like she's in shock so we want to get her to a hospital as quickly as possible. It's a half hour drive or a five minute flight. Can you tell me what happened?"

Aaron relayed the story. John put a line into Chas's hand as he listened and got Carl to hold the bag up while he checked her blood pressure. She didn't react to any of this.

"...she was fine, apart from her knee. She was talking like normal, then she just started going all funny."

They could hear the helicopter approaching overhead.

"I just need you to answer some questions for me. How old is she?"

"Thirty five in a few weeks" Aaron and Carl both said at exactly the same time. They scowled at each other briefly then went back to watching John as he removed the splint from Chas and cut her jeans from the ankle all the way up to her thigh. He inspected her knee and she reacted slightly to the pain.

"Does she have any allergies?"

"Penicillin" answered Carl.

"Is she on any medication?"

They both looked blankly at John. "I dunno, I don't think so" said Aaron. John put the splint back on Chas and covered her with the blanket again.

"Is there any chance she could be pregnant?"

"No." Aaron replied quickly, "she's not had a boyfriend for months.

"Has she had any surgery lately or been ill?" he asked as he started massaging different areas of her chest and torso, looking for any clues.

"No, nothing like that. She's never ill" Aaron was becoming increasingly frustrated with all the questions.

As John pressed on her abdomen, Chas reacted with a moan and tried to move her arms.

"What does that mean?" asked Carl anxiously. He was no happier than Aaron at the time it was taking to figure out what was wrong with his ex.

"It could mean any number of things Carl. But look, the cavalry's arrived now" he nodded his head to indicate something behind Carl. He turned and saw three paramedics climbing down with a stretcher and more kit. Aaron and Carl were then herded away from Chas by one of the paramedics while the other two joined John in helping Chas.

"No" cried Aaron, "I wanna stay with me mam". He struggled against the paramedic. But it was no use. They were led up and out of the ditch, sat on a nearby log and covered in green blankets while the paramedic asked more questions Aaron didn't know the answers to. He could hear bits of the others' conversation as they worked on Chas; "...guarding...abdominal...very low...blood on standby...", but he couldn't see what they were doing. He didn't know whether to laugh or cry and now that he wasn't in the middle of the action, the shock started to kick in and his legs began to shake.

The next thing he knew, he realised he was staring into Marlon's face. And Marlon was talking.

"What?" he mumbled. He looked around and saw that Carl was already walking somewhere accompanied by Jimmy. Katie and Gennie were stood arm in arm a little distance away, both looking wide-eyed and pale.

"Come on mate, we're gonna make our way to the hospital in the minibus" Marlon explained slowly. He could see his cousin was in shock.

"No!" said Aaron, "No, I'm going with her, I'm not leaving her with strangers!"

"You're gonna have to mate, you won't fit in the helicopter. I'm sorry. Come on, the quicker we set off, the quicker we'll be there for her".

Aaron stood up and looked over to see his mum being lifted out of the ditch on a stretcher. The paramedics ran up a path with her and out of sight. Aaron turned back towards Marlon and followed him to the minibus, wondering if that would be the last time he saw his mother alive.


	12. Chapter 12

Hey, thanks Shawnyola for the nice comments. You finally find out what's going on in this chapter, hope you like it.

Chapter Twelve

The journey to hospital was torture. The winding country roads seemed endless. As he stared out of the window at the frosty landscape passing by, all Aaron could think about were the last things he'd said to Chas and the things she'd told him. How had he got himself into this situation again - wondering if the last words someone he loved heard would be nasty things he'd shouted at them in the heat of the moment?

Marlon looked over at Aaron and sighed. He could see he was brooding, but as much as he wanted to tell him everything was going to be fine, he knew it would be a lie. He'd never seen his cousin look so pale and small as she was when they loaded her onto the stretcher; it was like the life had been sucked right out of her. He knew that Chas would want him to look after her son, so he tried his best to stop him blaming himself.

"Aaron, you know, none of this is your fault? Carl said she slipped" he said quietly.

Aaron turned and looked darkly at him. "It's always me. You said it yourself when Rhona got hurt. It's always me that gets people hurt."

"I was angry and worried when I said that" Marlon replied, "and this time, you definitely can't blame yourself, you were getting chased, you did nothing wrong. Carl told us what happened, he said it was his fault".

Aaron looked up to the front where Carl and Jimmy were sat, Carl with his head in his hands, Jimmy bent over him, murmuring words Aaron couldn't hear. He didn't know why they were even there, they had no right to be coming with them to the hospital. He was about to say so when Gennie piped up from behind.

"Just spoke to Cain. He got to the hospital about twenty minutes ago and she was already in theatre. They're still working on her but nobody's telling him what's going on. I told him we'd be there soon"

There was a collective sigh of relief to hear that Chas was still hanging on, but frustration that they still didn't know what was wrong with her. Katie looked out of the window and noticed that they were arriving at the hospital.

"We're here" she said loudly, shaking everyone out of their reverie. As soon as the minibus stopped they all clambered out as quickly as possible and piled into the hospital. They followed Gennie who was trying to remember the directions Cain had told her over the phone. After three wrong turns and lots of cursing, they eventually ended up in a small relatives' room. Sat on the faded blue plastic chairs were Zak, Lisa and Belle. Pacing up and down the room like a caged tiger was Cain. As soon as they saw the group enter, Lisa and Belle were on their feet, hugging Marlon, Katie and Gennie. Lisa pulled Aaron into a bear hug and he was too drained to do anything but accept it. It felt good.

Then Cain caught sight of Jimmy and Carl coming in and launched himself at Carl.

"What the hell are you doing here" he shouted as Zak grabbed him and held him back. Carl didn't even try to defend himself. A part of him wanted to be punished for this.

"Whoa whoa whoa! Calm yourself down, son" growled Zak, "this is not the time or the place!"

But Cain wouldn't calm down, he kept struggling to get to Carl. Jimmy stood in front of his brother, just in case Zak couldn't hold Cain back.

"How many times do you need to be told to stay away from my sister, eh?" Cain spat "if anything happens to her...I'll kill you".

Carl hung his head in shame, "I didn't mean for this to happen. I just want to stay and make sure she's okay. Please?"

Katie put herself between the men and spoke to Jimmy. "I think it'd be best if you just took him home. I promise I'll call you as soon as we hear anything."

Jimmy nodded and turned to his brother, putting his hands on his shoulders, "come on mate, let's get you home".

Aaron watched as Carl gave in and allowed himself to be led from the room. He looked so different without all of his usual arrogance. If he didn't hate the guy so much, he might actually feel sorry for him.

"Any news?" Gennie asked once the door was closed and everyone had sat down. Zak and Lisa shook their heads at the same time. Aaron looked around the room at all the people sat waiting for news. Belle was sat next to Lisa, he could tell she'd been crying. Lisa had her arm around her. Cain was sat with his head in his hands. Marlon, Gennie and Katie were sat together, talking quietly. Gennie's eyes were full of unshed tears.

The door opened and a man dressed in scrubs walked in. "Hi, my name's Doctor Wood, I've been helping with Chastity's care since she was brought into the hospital."

Everyone jumped up out of their seats, eager to know more. "How is she?" Cain asked.

"She's still in surgery, but things are looking hopeful now we know more."

"Care to enlighten us then?" Cain said "because we've still not got the foggiest what's going on!"

"Who is her closest family member here?" the doctor asked.

"I'm her son" Aaron said.

"I'm her sister" Gennie added.

"I'm her brother" Cain said.

The doctor looked all three of them up and down and nodded, "if you'd like to come with me, I'd like to have a word in private, if that's okay?" They all looked at each other and followed him down a corridor and into another office. He indicated for them to sit down on the chairs as he sat down behind a desk.

Aaron refused to sit. "Are you gonna tell us what's going on" he asked.

The doctor cleared his throat. "Chastity..."

"It's Chas" Cain interrupted.

"Sorry, Chas was brought in in a serious condition. She'd lost a lot of blood and was non-responsive. We needed to get the bleeding under control as it was putting a lot of pressure on her heart. We suspected that she might have sustained an internal abdominal injury when she fell, so we performed some diagnostic tests and scans to try and find the source of the bleeding."

"And did you find it?" asked Gennie.

Aaron could see that the doctor was struggling to find a way of telling them the next bit. He could feel the blood rush back up to his head as he prepared for whatever bad news he was about to hear.

"Yes. And it was a bit of a shock to be honest. When we performed an ultrasound on Chas's abdominal cavity, we found something very unexpected."

The doctor paused again. Cain had had enough of this.

"For God's sake, will you just tell us, what did you find?"

"A fetus".


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter Thirteen

"You what?" Cain couldn't quite believe what he was hearing "a foetus as in..."

"As in a baby, yes" the doctor interrupted.

"No way. There's no way she's pregnant, she would've told us" Gennie protested.

"She may not have known. This is no ordinary pregnancy, it's very rare in fact. The specialist surgeon working on her at the moment said she's only read of a few cases of its kind, never seen one firsthand"

"Well, bully for her" Cain snorted. He wasn't easily shocked, but this was all a bit too surreal. And hearing that his sister was some kind of freakish spectacle wasn't helping his temper.

Doctor Wood carried on talking. He could sense the anger and frustration coming from both men in the room, but he was used to dealing with relatives and their many different ways of reacting to news. "What seems to have happened is that the pregnancy, instead of implanting into the wall of the uterus as is normal, has instead implanted itself into the abdominal cavity. Usually these types of pregnancy don't survive for long, but in rare cases, the placenta attaches itself to other organs with enough blood supply to sustain growth."

"So she's had a baby growing inside her stomach..." started Gennie.

"Not her stomach, but nearby" the doctor interrupted.

"For the last...how long?" Gennie asked. She couldn't quite get her head around all this.

"Well, the development of the baby indicates about 27 weeks" the doctor told her, "but with her being undernourished and squashed in the wrong place for the last six or so months, she's very small. Weighed in at just over a pound."

"Weighed in?" Aaron asked. The frown on his face was getting larger and larger. He finally sat down on the chair he was offered previously. "Are you saying this baby has been born?"

"Yes, I'm afraid we had no other choice. When your mother fell, the impact caused part of the placenta to come away from where it was attached to the bowel. That is what caused the bleeding. In order to control the bleeding, we've had to perform a c-section, then remove the placenta from where it had attached itself to Chas's other organs. It's a dangerous and lengthy process as there are a lot of blood vessels running around this area. We've already had to give her more than 20 pints of blood to keep her alive. I also have to tell you that her heart stopped shortly after arriving at the hospital due to the sudden blood loss, but she's remained fairly stable since we shocked it back to life."

"So is she going to be okay then?" asked Cain.

"Well the specialist is still in surgery with her, but it was looking very positive when I left to come and talk to you. We're going to keep her in ITU under sedation for at least a day due to the massive shock her body has suffered. We'll monitor her closely."

"And the baby?" Gennie asked hopefully.

The doctor, who had been smiling until now, looked grim. "She's in the Neo-natal ICU. We've given her drugs to develop her lungs and she's been put in a special incubator. Only time will tell, but with her being so small..."

"But she's hanging in there at the minute?" Cain had assumed that the baby had died when the doctor had said they'd had to deliver it so early. He didn't know if it was having Sarah in his life, or his age that had made him soft, but the idea that this baby could still be gripping onto life made him hopeful for his sister. Funny that he cared so much about someone he didn't even know existed ten minutes ago.

The doctor smiled, "Yes, it seems both mother and daughter have quite the stubborn streak".

They all gave a small laugh at this. Apart from Aaron, who still had questions. "But how could she not have known she was pregnant? How did she not look pregnant? When my stepmum was six months pregnant she looked like a whale."

The doctor laughed. "Well as far as not knowing, some women don't show many signs of being pregnant. She may have put missed periods down to stress."

"And she's had enough of that lately hasn't she?" Cain said quietly to Aaron. Aaron tutted at Cain and turned back to listen to the doctor.

"The baby has been draining a lot of Chas's vital nutrients. So, when women usually put on a lot of weight during pregnancy, Chas has probably lost weight. And although the baby is tiny, it has been pressing up against Chas's organs, including her stomach, so she's probably not been feeling as hungry as usual, perhaps been a bit lethargic?"

Aaron and Gennie nodded their heads. They both felt guilty that they'd noticed these things and not really questioned them. The doctor saw this.

"There's no way anybody could have known what was happening here. A trained doctor would have trouble making an accurate diagnosis with such symptoms. Now, I'm going to go back and check on Chas's progress. I can get a nurse to take you up to the NICU if you'd like? Although you'll only be allowed in twos I'm afraid."

They all got up and walked in a daze back to the family room, where everyone was going stir crazy waiting for the news. Gennie stayed and told them the ridiculous and insane, yet true story, while Cain and Aaron went up to the NICU to meet the new Dingle.


	14. Chapter 14

Hey guys, thanks for the nice reviews, let me know what you think of the next chapter. X x

Chapter Fourteen

"I can't believe it" said Marlon.

"Poor Chas" said Belle, "but she's going to be okay now?"

"They're still working on her, but they're hopeful, yeah". Gennie was having a hard time remembering everything the doctor had said. She hadn't understood everything he'd told them about what had happened but she thought she'd managed to relay the main gist of it to the family well enough.

"Can we go and see the baby then?" Belle asked.

"No. Only two in at a time. Cain and Aaron have gone up. Doctor said she's really poorly."

"So was Samson and look at him now" Belle replied. She had complete faith that both Chas and the baby were going to be fine.

Lisa didn't want her to get her hopes up too high, "This is a bit different, love. She's a lot smaller than Samson was, and a lot poorlier. We'll just have to wait and hope."

"I just can't believe it" Marlon said.

"You've already said that," Katie pointed out.

"I know, but I just..."

"Can't believe it?"

"No."

"Tell you what, while you get your head round it, why don't you, me and Gennie go and get some food and coffees for everyone? I'm starving"

"Yeah, okay."

Meanwhile, on the floor above, in a quiet, darkened room, two unlikely suspects were peering into an incubator in awe. The sleeping baby was so small, Cain reckoned she'd fit in his hand easily. She had monitors stuck to her feet and a tiny tube taped to her mouth helping her breathe. The little bobble hat on her head probably wouldn't even fit one of Sarah's dolls.

"She looks like a frog" Aaron said softly. Cain laughed, _'Trust Aaron to say something inappropriate'._

"Well, you can tell she's your sister, look at the hair".

Aaron looked and saw through the gap in the bobble hat that the baby had a full head of jet black hair, just like his mum's. And Cain's. "Was mine like that when I was born?" he asked.

"I dunno kid," Cain replied, "I wasn't really around".

Aaron remembered what his mum had told him about when he was born. He looked at the tiny, fragile creature in front of him and imagined what he'd feel like if he was responsible for its care. At nineteen, it was a scary thought, at fifteen...he couldn't imagine how terrified his mum would have been back then.

"Can we go and see if she's out of theatre?" he asked his uncle. His words came out a bit choked and he was embarrassed, but Cain didn't notice, or pretended not to.

"Sure. Lead the way."

"Do you think I should ring Paddy?" Marlon asked Katie and Gennie as they walked towards the cafeteria.

"Why?" asked Katie, "what's he gonna do?"

"Well, I mean for Aaron. He'll want to know, and Aaron's not likely to call him is he?"

"Yeah, it's a good idea" said Gennie, "why don't you go and call him outside and we'll see you in there?"

Marlon went off in the opposite direction.

"So..." Katie started what she feared may be a difficult conversation.

"What?"

"Well, are we going to address the elephant in the room now it's just the two of us?"

Gennie looked around, but couldn't see any elephants.

"At the risk of sounding repetitive...what?"

"The baby. Or more to the point, the baby's father."

Gennie stopped walking and turned to look at Katie as if she'd just had an epiphany.

Katie laughed, "Don't tell me you've not thought about it. It's all I've been thinking about since you told us about the baby."

They started walking again. "I haven't really been thinking straight" Gennie said, "seeing her all pale and bruised...and then finding something like that out...it's just crazy..."

Katie nodded in agreement. She'd known Chas nearly ten years now, they were good friends. But never before had she seen her look so vulnerable, so weak. "Well, she's going to need all our help when she wakes up. It's a lot to get our heads round, imagine how hard it's gonna be for her."

This time Gennie nodded as they pushed open the door to the cafeteria and headed straight for the coffee machine. "What were you saying about the father?"

"Well, six months ago, she was seeing Nikhil..."

"Oh god!" Gennie nearly let go of the cup she was currently holding under the coffee machine. Nikhil was now her boyfriend, how had she not thought about this before? How would this work – her sister having a baby by her boyfriend?

Katie pulled the cup out of Gennie's hand before she scalded herself. "But..." she said loudly, making sure she had Gennie's attention, "I've been figuring it out and twenty seven weeks ago was when Jackson had just died. Chas didn't see Nikhil around that time, in fact, she avoided him like the plague".

Gennie remembered that too, she remembered being angry at Chas for pushing Nikhil away when all he wanted to do was help. She remembered the almighty row they'd had that night when Chas drunkenly told them that she'd cheated on Nikhil with Carl, of all people. Suddenly the penny dropped.

"Oh my god!"

"That took long enough"

"Carl..."

"Exactly."

"What are we gonna do?"

"Gonna do about what?" Marlon made them both jump.

"Jesus Marlon, creep about much?" Katie scolded.

"Sorry, didn't mean to. What's up? Has something happened?"

"No" reassured Gennie, "did you get through to Paddy?"

"Yeah he already knew, he's on his way in with Charity and Debs, he's giving them a lift. What were you two talking about?" he asked suspiciously.

The girls looked at each other. Katie nodded at Gennie then spoke, "let's get the food and drink first and we'll tell you on the way back down."


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter Fifteen

"Paddy, will you hurry up!" Charity scolded him for lagging behind again as her and Debbie stormed up the corridor, looking for the relatives' room.

"Sorry, I'm going as fast as I can!" he wheezed back. He didn't understand how the two women walked so fast in such high heels.

All of a sudden, the doors in front of them flew open and a fuming Aaron dashed past them.

"Aaron!" Paddy called after him and quickly took chase.

Thinking the worst had happened, Charity and Debbie broke into a full on run the rest of the way to see what had happened to make Aaron so upset.

"Aaron, will you please stop!" Paddy called again. Aaron pushed through the last set of doors and made it outside the hospital into the car park. He finally stopped and bent over to catch his breath. It was getting dark and the winter air burnt his lungs. He felt a hand on his shoulder and turned to see Paddy, breathing just as heavily, looking concerned.

"What's happened? She's not...is she...?"

"She's done it again Paddy. After everything, she's gone back to him again." He cried bitter tears, and swayed on his feet. Paddy pulled him close to him and guided him to his car. He helped him to sit in the passenger seat, then climbed into the driver's seat next to him and waited for him to gather himself and start talking.

Marlon knew what he was about to say was controversial, but it needed to be said. "We have to call Carl".

"Are you mad?" fumed Cain, "absolutely no way".

"If he's the father, he has a right to know what's happening, to meet his daughter" Marlon tried again. At this point, Debbie and Charity burst into the room.

"_If_ being the operative word, you muppet. I'm not allowing that idiot anywhere near my family," Cain ignored the latecomers and carried on arguing his point.

"What's happened?" asked Debbie, "we just saw Aaron running off, is Chas okay?"

"Still in theatre love," Zak told her, "is Aaron okay?"

"Yeah, Paddy's gone after him. The baby..."

"Lisa and Belle have gone up to visit her."

"What's going on then?" asked Charity, "why was Aaron in such a state?"

Katie answered this time, "We told everyone who the baby's father is..."

"Ah" was all Charity could say before Cain chimed in.

"**Might** be, we don't know anything for sure..."

"We do, Cain. It's definitely Carl" Charity piped up. She'd already figured it out in the car. Gennie and Katie nodded their heads.

"She told us herself," Katie added, "she had a wobble after Jackson had died and ended up spending the night with him. There was no one else."

As much as he hated to admit it, Cain remembered asking his sister about Carl's sudden interest in what was happening with Aaron and Jackson. He'd even gone round to warn him off. Chas must have lied to his face about there being nothing going on between them when he'd asked her about it.

Lisa and Belle entered the room with tears in their eyes.

"She's so tiny" cried Belle and launched herself into Zak's arms.

Debbie hated hospitals. She'd been in them too often over the last few months with Sarah. But as she watched her dad fume and her family suffer, she realised she was the only one who could take control here. She stood walked over to her dad.

"Are you going to take me to see my new cousin then?" she said softly.

He looked up at her, surprised as she took his hand. He looked around the room, then nodded.

"Nobody does anything until we're back, got it?" he warned, then followed Debbie out of the room.

Aaron had told Paddy everything that was said between him and his mum that day. It felt good to get it off his chest to someone that he knew cared for him, who wouldn't judge him for feeling the way he did.

"Why him Paddy? Why does she go back to him every time?"

Paddy didn't know how to answer this. He'd asked himself that question so many times over the last two years, ever since she'd broken his heart by leaving him for Carl. At first he'd written her off as a slapper, but that was just the anger talking. Then, he'd seen how she was with Carl, saw that there was something between those two that had never existed between him and Chas. But when she dumped him at the altar for cheating on her, he was sure she'd never go back there again. Chas was strong and independent and wouldn't let a man walk all over her, would she? But hearing what she'd told Aaron about her past that morning made him think that there was a lot more front to Chas than he'd ever realised.

"I don't know mate. But from what you just told me, it sounds like she's always had a tough time with the men in her life. Maybe she thinks Carl is all she deserves. What I do know is that you need to go back into that hospital and be there for her now."

"I can't."

"Yes you can, and you will. You'll never forgive yourself if anything happens and you're not there. Now get out of the car."

Paddy started to get out of his side. Aaron gave a sigh and did the same. He wasn't happy about going back inside, but he trusted Paddy's advice and decided to follow it for once.

When Cain and Debbie got to the NICU, there was a small group of people surrounding the incubator with Baby Dingle in it. As they got closer, they could see that it was a group of medical students listening to a doctor, who was taking readings from the various monitors whilst addressing the group quietly.

"The normal survival rate of a 27 week old baby is around 80 per cent. However, the unusual placing of the foetus through gestation has reduced these chances significantly. Can anyone tell me what the greatest risk factors are in micro-preemies?"

She didn't have chance to hear any answers, because Cain had now reached the group and stood menacingly in front of the doctor. When he spoke, his voice was gentle, but there was no mistaking the anger behind his words.

"What the hell are you doing? This is my niece, not some science experiment. Get out, now".

"This is a teaching hospital Mr..."

"I don't give a flying fig what it is, I want you to leave. Now".

The doctor didn't want to start an argument in such circumstances and so decided to leave with as much dignity as she could muster. She nodded to her students and they all piled out of the NICU, with their clipboards and white coats. Debbie came to stand beside her father and peered into the incubator.

"Belle's right, she's tiny."

"Aaron said she looks like a frog" Cain replied. He found that he couldn't maintain his anger while he was looking at the baby.

"He would. He's wrong though, she looks more like a mole, wrinkled skin, black hair, eyes closed. Look...Dad..."

"Debs, I know what you're gonna say, but Carl King..."

"Is a complete tosser, I know. You know our history, what he's done to me in the past. But you heard what that doctor just said. Her chances aren't great. Chas might not even wake up in time to meet her. Don't take that chance away from Carl n'all. Whether we approve or not, he is this little mole's father and he deserves a chance to see her. Do you never wish you got to see me when I was first born?"

Cain knew what she was doing, but he couldn't help being swayed by her. He nodded his head as he couldn't speak. How did his kid end up being so clever and compassionate? Her own daughter was at death's door at home and here she was, fighting for someone else's.

"Right, well let's go down and let Katie call Jimmy."

"Fine" Cain finally found his voice, "but he's not going anywhere near Chas".

Debbie nodded her agreement, took one last look at the sleeping dot of a baby and left the room with her dad trailing reluctantly behind her.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter Sixteen

"Okay, see you soon. Bye" Katie disconnected the call to Jimmy and stepped back into the family room.

Everyone was going stir crazy. Cain and Aaron had faces like thunder. Paddy and Zak were watching them both closely in case either one kicked off again. The women and Marlon were sat at the other side of the room, making small talk and trying to distract each other from the endless waiting.

"Right," Katie started, getting everyone's attention, "I've told Jimmy everything and he's obviously a bit stunned. He's going to tell Carl and bring him back to the hospital. I've made him promise he's going to keep him away from Chas so..."

"Thanks Katie, lass" Lisa smiled at her, "let's just hope he takes heed".

"He'd better" both Cain and Aaron said at the same time. They looked at each other and saw the same steely determination in each other's eyes. As much as Chas did both of their heads in on a consistent basis, there was nothing they wouldn't do to protect her.

The door opened and Doctor Wood stepped through.

"Hello again. Wow, I see your number has grown since I was last here. Chas is lucky to have so many family and friends to support her. I'm happy to report that she is now out of surgery and in the ITU. We've put her leg in an inflatable splint, it was badly twisted but there's no permanent damage. There were, however, a couple of complications during her operation..."

"What kind of complications?" Zak asked.

"Well, we've had to completely remove her omentum, which we were hoping to avoid."

"What does that mean?" asked Charity.

"Well, it's not as bad as it sounds to be honest. It's one of those organs that people can live without. It helps with immune system functions and fighting infections, but isn't necessary to live a whole and healthy life."

"What's the other complication?" Charity asked again.

The doctor looked down briefly. "I mentioned that Chas's heart stopped briefly when she first came in. We were hopeful she would remain stable throughout surgery after that first incident, but unfortunately, she crashed again on the table. Twice."

"But you've got her back now?" Aaron piped up.

"Yes, but obviously, with any extended amount of time without oxygen, we have to consider the risk of brain damage. Chas ended up needing over 40 pints of blood during the operation; such was the extent of the bleeding. She's very lucky to be alive."

Aaron took this in. While he and Paddy had sat in the car and he'd moaned on about his own feelings, she'd nearly died, twice. And she still might not wake up. How had the day turned into such a nightmare? "Can we see her?" he asked.

The doctor nodded. "Yep, not a problem. We've decided not to keep her as heavily sedated as we originally planned, just so that we can perform brain function tests as soon as possible. So she may have a few lucid moments. Talk to her as much as you like as she may be able to hear you, but I wouldn't try to explain anything to her if she does become lucid as it won't last long and may distress her".

Everyone got up and followed the doctor towards the ITU.

At the same time, a very subdued Carl was being driven back to the hospital by his brother. He couldn't get his head around any of this.

"How are you doing?" Jimmy asked his brother as he drove down the motorway.

"How do you think?" he replied testily, "I'm a dad again, but my kid might die before I even meet it. The mother of my child might not wake up, and even if she does, I'm banned from seeing her. It's all such a mess, Jimmy. And yet again, it's all my fault."

"It's not all your fault mate. I mean, yes, you've been a bit of an idiot today chasing Aaron around the woods like some sort of crazy sniper..."

"Is this supposed to be making me feel better?"

"...and I did say getting back with her when she was so vulnerable was asking for trouble..."

"Great, thanks, an 'I told you so' thrown in there too, exactly what I need right now..."

"...but nobody could've predicted this. You need to stay strong for your daughter now. Man up and take responsibility, because like you said, Chas might not be able to."

Carl pondered his brother's words. He was right, there was no point in wallowing in self-pity. When Carl had referred to Chas as the mother of his child, he'd felt a warmth fizzing through him, something he'd not felt since his wedding day. It felt right, like something he'd wanted for ages was on the cusp of becoming true, and now it was up to him to see it did. If he could prove to everyone that he could be responsible, a good dad, and not the arrogant sod everyone saw him as, maybe in time he could win Chas back too.

"Before you go in, I must warn you, there'll be lots of machines beeping and tubes and wires and whatnot. You mustn't be scared of them, they're just there so we can keep a good eye on Chas. She's breathing fine on her own, which is a really good sign and it means there's no mask or ventilator, just a nasal cannula in to keep her oxygen levels up..."

Doctor Wood was about to continue, but Zak got in first, "Don't worry doc, there's that many of our family been in here by now, we could probably help out with rounds."

The doctor gave a funny look as everyone laughed. "Right, okay, well I must ask that you don't all pile in at once as there are other patients. She's just through here." He indicated a set of doors and then gave a small bow and left them to decide who went in first.

"Paddy, you take Aaron in first," said Cain, to everyone's surprise. Aaron would normally argue that he didn't need taking anywhere, that he could do it on his own. But right now, he couldn't be more grateful to his uncle, because he didn't think he could have walked in there alone. As they found her bed, Aaron actually felt relieved to see her lying there. Just seeing her still breathing, still existing, was enough to strengthen him a bit, because a hidden away part of his brain hadn't believed she could have survived.

"She looks different, peaceful" said Paddy.

"That's cos her gob's shut for once" Aaron replied. Paddy didn't laugh though, he seemed to be transfixed by her.

"No. Even when we were together and she'd be asleep, she always had a frown on her face, as if she had constant bad dreams or something."

Aaron followed Paddy's gaze to his mother's face. The bruises were already starting to fade and her cut had been covered with a small plaster. All of her makeup had been taken off and you could see the bags under her eyes that she'd obviously spent the last few months concealing. Her dark hair was wild, spread out around the pillow like Medusa's snakes. Yet Paddy was right, she looked serene, rested, and smaller than usual for some reason.

"It's weird, us being like this" Paddy brought him out of his daze.

"What do you mean?"

"Well it was less than two years ago that me and her were stood gazing at you in a similar state. It was agony waiting to see if you were gonna wake up. We ended up having a full on row at your bedside."

Aaron laughed, "Well that's one way to bring me round".

"How are you doing now? You seem to be handling things a bit better than before?"

"Yeah. Sorry about that, I was just..."

"You don't have to explain yourself, as long as you're okay. Come on, let's let someone else have a turn."

Aaron took one last look at his mum before leaving the room, feeling a bit better about the situation, but now dreading what was going to happen when she woke up.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter Seventeen

It was past midnight and everyone had gone home apart from Aaron and Cain. They'd been sat by Chas's bed in silence for the last hour, just watching her chest rise and fall and listening to the regular beeping of the machines. Aaron was so tired, and the monotony of the background noise lulled him into a daze. He was just starting to drift off when Cain spoke and stirred him.

"Right, I reckon we should head off soon. Get some kip at home and get back early for when she wakes up. I'm going to go and see the baby before we go, you coming?"

Aaron shook his head. He'd been up to see his sister again a couple of times that night, the nurses told him she was doing remarkably well for a baby her size. He knew there was nothing anyone could do now but wait and see. He didn't fancy bumping into Carl or Jimmy, the mood he was in, so he thought it best to stay away until morning.

"No, I'll wait here for ya. Don't let Carl get to you eh, we don't want you getting thrown out of the hospital."

Cain snorted. "Great, I'm getting advice on keeping my cool from a meathead like you." He got up and stretched, then left the room.

Aaron looked around to see if anyone was watching him and saw that the nurses were concentrating on taking care of other patients. He shuffled his chair a bit closer to the bed, then reached out and took Chas's hand in his, being careful not to move the monitor clipped on her finger. Her fingernails, usually so perfectly manicured, had been clumsily stripped of polish, leaving patches of colour around the edges of her nails. _'__She__won__'__t__like__that__' _thought Aaron as he examined the slender hand. He looked at her face, still relaxed and tranquil as her synthetic slumber continued. He wanted to talk to her, the doctor had encouraged it, said she might be able to hear what was being said. But he felt stupid , he didn't know what to say. Then he thought back to earlier, when he thought he'd lost her and the last things he'd said to her were hurtful and petty. He knew that those shouldn't be the last words she heard from him, so he made up his mind to speak from his heart for once.

"Mum" he said quietly, his face close to her ear, "it's Aaron. I don't know if you can hear me, and I feel like a right lemon doing this but...I need to tell you that I didn't mean what I said this morning. I know you tried your hardest to be a good mum and I know you didn't give up on me. And I'm not going to give up on you now, because you're going to wake up and get better. I need you Mam, I really need you to be here for me now. I don't think I could face losing someone else so soon after..."

He wiped his eyes before any of the unshed tears could fall. He was going to stay strong this time. There was no use in crying. "I know I cause you nothing but trouble and heartache, and I know I don't always show it, but I really appreciate you sticking by me over the last few months. We've come so far, I mean, who would have thought we'd ever manage to live together without killing each other? So now you need to stop being a lazy old trout and wake up so we can see that you're okay. Please."

He watched for any signs that she'd heard what he'd said, but she didn't move. Disappointed, he sat back a bit and saw that Cain was watching him through the windows. He'd obviously seen what Aaron was doing and given him some space. He was a conundrum, his uncle; he was a selfish, rude, arrogant prick most of the time, but every so often, usually when his family was in trouble, he'd be sensitive and caring and thoughtful. He stood up and walked towards the doors as Cain entered the room.

"How's the baby?" he asked.

"Same. They're saying if she makes it through the night, her chances go up by loads."

"Did you see dumb and dumber?"

"Yeah. Don't worry, I managed to bite my tongue and control my fists. Carl's staying here all night, Jimmy's about to head off himself. I took some pictures of her on my phone to show Chas when she wakes up." Cain was talking as if it was a given that she'd wake up and be exactly the same Chas as before. Aaron wished he shared his optimism. He didn't realise that Cain was secretly terrified about what state his sister's mind was going to be in, if and when she came round.

They were about to leave the room when the monitors started beeping faster. An alarm sounded from Chas's bed, causing them to turn around to see what was going on. A nurse came over and started reading different monitors , while Cain and Aaron rushed back to the bed. The nurse saw that the pulse oximeter had come off Chas's finger, so she clipped it back on. The alarm stopped, but the beeping was still fast.

"What's going on?" Aaron asked the nurse.

She smiled at the two men. "Don't worry, I think she might be coming round a bit, she's moved her hand and knocked the pulse ox off."

"But why's the beeping got faster?" Aaron pushed further.

"It's quite normal for the heart rate to quicken slightly when coming round from anaesthetic. I'll keep an eye on it, but it's nothing to worry about at the minute". She wrote something down on a chart and then moved away to another patient.

Aaron saw that his mum was frowning in her sleep now. He looked at her hand and saw that her fingers were twitching. He grabbed hold of her hand, no longer caring who saw him, and bent down to whisper in her ear again. "Mum. Mum, wake up if you can, open your eyes." He felt a hand on his shoulder, pulling him away from her and turned to see Cain indicating with his head for him to step back. Confused, he complied and gave his uncle space to bend down and whisper something in Chas's ear.

To his complete surprise, his mum's eyes started to blink open. She tried to lift her arm, but it must have been too much effort because she barely got it off the bed before it fell back down again. She blinked a few more times, then focused her eyes on her brother who was looming over her with a stupid grin on his face.

"Works every time" he said, immensely proud of himself. He stepped back to let Aaron get closer.

"What did you say to her?" he asked. But his uncle just tapped the side of his nose.

"Aaron?" Chas croaked from the bed. She managed to turn her head a bit to the side, but her eyes felt heavy and she had to fight to keep them open. She couldn't remember what had happened, or why she was in hospital.

"It's alright Mam, I'm here, you're gonna be fine." He held her hand again and felt relief flood through him to feel her squeeze it back.

"What's going on?" she mumbled, her eyes getting heavier and heavier, "where's me dad?".

Aaron and Cain looked to each other in panic.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter Eighteen

Cain and Aaron were quickly ushered out of the room while the medical staff performed some tests on Chas. Aaron paced around the corridor outside whilst Cain leaned against the wall, rubbing his face.

"She's fine Aaron. Stop pacing. You spoke to her, she's okay."

Aaron stopped pacing and gave Cain a look of disbelief. "Okay? She asked for Granddad, how is that okay? He's been dead over a year!"

"She's just confused cos of the drugs they've given her. You'll see, she'll be okay."

A doctor came through the doors and walked towards them smiling.

"Hiya. Great news, we've managed to perform a few tests on Chas while she was awake and all her brain function tests look very positive."

"What about her memory?" Aaron asked, not daring to believe things were going so well "she was just asking for my Granddad, who's dead."

"Don't worry about that" the doctor assured him, "that's just the drugs talking."

Aaron let out a huge sigh of relief while Cain gave him an '_I__told__you__so__' _look.

"Can we see her?" Cain asked.

"You can, but she's gone back to sleep. She was fighting it for a while, but she was very woozy. We'll keep her in the ITU until morning, then transfer her to the maternity ward, so you can visit her there after nine tomorrow".

Feeling more hopeful about things, Cain and Aaron went back in briefly to double check that Chas was indeed asleep and okay, then headed back to Emmerdale for a few hours sleep.

When Aaron woke up the next morning, he lay in bed for a bit, staring at the ceiling and thinking about everything that had happened the previous day. He'd had strange dreams all night about his mum falling down a rabbit hole, and Hazel trying to chop off her head. Then he'd tried to help her escape but they kept getting shown the wrong way to go by a cat with Carl's head that wouldn't stop smiling at them. Eventually, they reached a giant chess board and all the pieces were people who lived in the village, but they were all black pieces and his mum was the only white piece. They chased after her and he'd gone to help her before she fell off the end of the board, but then he looked down and realised he was a black piece too, so he pushed her off the edge.

He shook his head to stop thinking about it, it made a difference to not be dreaming about Jackson he supposed. He got up and dressed and made his way downstairs. In the backroom, Diane was nursing a cup of coffee at the kitchen counter. When she saw Aaron, her eyes lit up.

"Hi. I didn't hear you come in last night."

"It was late" replied Aaron "I suppose you've heard?"

Diane nodded, "Marlon told me. How is she?"

Aaron knew this would be his life for the next few days, answering awkward questions, but the look of concern on Diane's face meant he knew she was asking out of love, not curiosity. He knew Diane had been good to his mum, _"__probably__the__best__mother__figure__she__'__s__ever__had__" _he thought to himself.

"She woke up last night, they said she's doing really well and they're gonna transfer her out of ITU this morning."

Diane was cheered by this. She hadn't got much sleep fretting about her younger protégé, she'd desperately wanted to drop everything and go down to the hospital as soon as she'd heard what had happened, but she had a pub to run and she knew she couldn't do anything to help. What she could do, however, was help Aaron in whatever way he needed.

"There's some bacon under the grill and coffee in the pot" she told him.

Aaron nodded and went to help himself. Diane pointed at the sofa and Aaron saw a bag sitting on the edge. "I've packed a bag with some underwear, nightwear, makeup etc. that she'll probably want. I hope you don't mind, I thought it'd be one less worry for you."

"Thanks" Aaron gave Diane the smallest of smiles. She'd been a right cow to him when he'd first moved in, but he'd completely deserved it. She wasn't to be messed with, and he had a great respect for her authority.

"Have you seen the baby? Do you know how she's doing?" Diane asked tentatively, as she was expecting this to be a harder topic to broach.

Just as Aaron was about to reply, his phone started ringing. "Hi...yeah...right. Yeah that's fine, bye". He put the phone away and carried on talking to Diane, "that was Cain, he's called the hospital and they're both doing okay. Saw the baby a few times yesterday, she's really small."

Diane nodded, glad to hear the update. She went to leave Aaron alone with his breakfast, but stopped at the door and turned back round. "Give her my love when you see her," she said "and Aaron, if there's anything you need, you just have to ask. I've said it to your mum so many times and she never listens so I don't know why you would, but there are people who care about you both, who want to help if you let them in. Just wanted to say that." And with that she disappeared upstairs.

"Granny!" Sarah shouted as Charity barged into Tug Ghyll with her arms piled high with carrier bags. She dumped them on the sofa and gave her granddaughter a big hug.

"You're looking full of energy today!" she said, happy to see Sarah bouncing around for once.

"She's having a good day" Debbie said from the kitchen, looking worn out but relieved. There were more bad days than good at the moment, and she was slowly losing hope that they would find a way of helping her daughter.

"Are they for me?" Sarah asked, indicating the bags.

"No Sweetheart, these are for Auntie Chas" Charity replied "I've got her pretty much every magazine I could find in Hotten and loads of fruit, and Jai and Nikhil have given me about half a factory of chocolates to give her an' all."

"Can you tell her I'll be in to see her when Cameron gets back from his job?" Debbie asked.

Charity nodded, "yeah course I will. She'll probably not want too many people in at once anyway. Where's your dad?"

"Dunno, he went out after he'd called the hospital. He's not said much since yesterday."

"Well, you know Cain, the more he cares about something, the more wound up he gets, especially if he can't solve things by punching someone."

"Well just try not to wind him up even more then" replied Debbie, knowing what her mum was like too. Although she seemed to have calmed down a bit since marrying Jai last month.

Cain came through the door before Charity had a chance to promise to behave. He had something wrapped up in brown paper in his hand which he quickly stowed away in his inside pocket when he saw Charity was there.

"You ready to go?" he asked gruffly.

"Yep, are we picking Aaron up on the way?" Charity asked as she gathered the bags up and thrust them into Cain's arms to carry.

"No, he's already outside" Cain said, scowling at the bags but carrying them anyway. They all got into Cain's BMW and headed off to the hospital, not realising what new surprises awaited them when they got there


	19. Chapter 19

Hey, hope there's still some folks enjoying this. Thanks again to Shawnyola for your support and nice comments. Here's the next part.

Chapter Nineteen

The maternity ward was very different than the ITU in both size and activity. The noise was crazy, with babies crying loudly and visitors cooing over the new arrivals and their mothers. Aaron hated it already, all the smiley-faced nurses bustling around the place.

"Hi" Charity spoke to the woman on reception, "we're here to see Chas Dingle, we were told she's been transferred here."

The receptionist smiled at them then looked on her computer screen. Her smile faltered for a second as she read what was on the screen, but she recovered quickly and beamed at them as she spoke, "if you'd like to take a seat over there, the head midwife wants a word with you. I'll just see if she's free."

"Why? What's wrong now?" Cain asked. He was tired and crabby and just wanted to see his sister.

"She'll be out in a second" the receptionist said as she picked up the phone and started dialling.

Charity did as instructed and sat on some plastic chairs nearby, followed grudgingly by the two men. They didn't have to wait for long before a short, dumpy, matronly woman came over to see them. She introduced herself, then got straight to the point.

"Chastity woke up at about eight am in the ITU and was deemed fit enough to be transferred. When my team arrived, the surgeon had been to see her and had explained exactly what had happened and she was understandably very upset. She wasn't happy about being transferred to maternity, but we explained that it is the only place for her to receive the appropriate care. We've put her in a private room at the end of the ward, and she seemed a bit happier about this. But I'm afraid she's said she doesn't want any visitors at the moment."

"What? None?" Charity asked.

The midwife shook her head. "I'm afraid not."

"She doesn't mean it" Cain said, "once we've seen her she'll be okay".

"I'm sorry but I have to abide by the hospital rules, and if she says she doesn't want visitors, then I can't allow anyone in. Don't worry too much, she's probably just taking it all in at the moment and wants to sort it out in her own head before she sees anyone. She's very quiet, is that normal?"

All three visitors snorted in amusement.

"No, she never shuts up normally" Aaron said.

"I see" replied the nurse, "well at the moment she's only talking when asked medical questions and she's not asked about the baby at all. We're not going to push her just yet, but we'll gradually try to get her talking a bit more and get her used to the idea of being a mother again. It's harder when she can't actually meet her daughter, but there's no way she'll be able to get out of bed for a good few days yet."

"Can you give her these?" Charity asked, passing her the carrier bags, "and tell her we're here and want to see her. We'll be upstairs visiting the baby and then in the canteen so call me if she changes her mind."

The midwife nodded, taking the bags and a business card from Charity and walking back into the ward.

"What, we're just giving up?" said Aaron angrily.

"No" replied Charity, "we're just giving her time. Respecting her wishes, for now."

They walked towards the lifts to go up to the NICU on the next floor, but as Charity and Cain got in the lift, Aaron looked down and realised he was still holding the bag Diane had packed for Chas. He took a step back.

"I forgot to give them this. I'll see you up there." he told them. They nodded as the lift doors closed and he turned and walked back to the maternity ward. When he got to the front desk, he saw that the receptionist was busy digging around in a drawer underneath the desk. He took advantage of her distraction and followed a young couple onto the ward keeping his head down. He walked quickly but confidently straight down to the bottom of the ward, as if he belonged there – a trick he'd learnt from his time with the McFarlanes. As long as you carry yourself with confidence, you can fool anyone into thinking you belong.

He reached a row of private rooms at the bottom end of the ward and peered discretely into each one, looking for the shock of black hair that would tell him he'd found his mother. In the very last room, tucked out of the way, all of the blinds were down except for a small patch on one window where they had bunched up and created a tiny space to peek through. Aaron stood close to the window and bent so he could see, hoping he wasn't about to see some stranger in a completely undignified position which would scar him for life.

But it wasn't a stranger, it was Chas. Sat up in bed, still hooked up to an IV drip and a heart monitor, staring blankly in front of her with tears rolling down her face. She looked miserable. Aaron felt his throat burn as he watched her. He tasted blood in his mouth and realised he was biting his lip. He'd never seen his mum look so rung out, so unguarded. Even when she'd been upset in the past, when he'd seen her cry, she had always had a passion within her, whether driven by the usual anger which seemed inherent in their side of the family, or on the odd occasion by grief. But now, there was nothing there, no spark behind her eyes, no passion, no life. And he understood why she didn't want to see anyone. Because she couldn't pretend anymore, it was too much to keep up the facade that she was _good__old__tough__as__boots__Chas_ and she didn't want anyone seeing her without her mask on.

He stepped away from the window and returned to the front desk, giving the bag to the receptionist and making his way to visit his sister.


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter Twenty

When Aaron got to the NICU, Cain and Charity were stood outside, deep in conversation with Nicola and Jimmy. They were all frowning but none of them looked angry or upset, so Aaron didn't panic too much.

"What's going on?" he asked when he got near, making them all jump.

"Aaron, hi" Nicola smiled at him, which creeped him out, because he didn't know she was capable of smiling, "How's Chas?"

Aaron looked over at Cain, who shook his head slightly to indicate they hadn't told anyone that his mum was refusing to see them. "Fine" he lied, "not that it's any of your business".

She stopped smiling and looked away, but he could tell she was on her best behaviour because there was no scathing comment. Jimmy sighed. "I was just saying," he said, "that we should all postpone hostilities for the moment".

"And we agreed" said Charity, "didn't we Cain?"Cain rolled his eyes and nodded and Charity carried on talking "it's morning rounds in there, so we're all going to go for a coffee and talk things through, like grown ups."

The doors to the NICU opened and Carl came through, stopping in surprise as he saw the small gathering in the corridor.

"And here's the guest of honour" sneered Cain, earning an elbow in the ribs from Charity. They all turned and walked to the canteen. Aaron kept sneaking glances at Carl, who looked like he'd not slept. His face was stubbly, his hair unkempt and his eyes bloodshot. He shambled along, trailing behind the group like a pet zombie.

When they arrived, Nicola and Charity fetched coffees and cakes, while the men sat at a table and ignored each other. Once the girls had returned and settled down, Carl looked up from the table and spoke in a gravelly voice.

"How's Chas?"

"You don't get to ask about her" Cain said.

"I know I've been stupid and that this is my fault. But it's happened, and we've got a daughter now. We're going to have to talk sooner or later."

"Well it's going to be later" replied Cain, "anything you want to ask her or tell her, you go to one of us."

Carl felt his anger rising, but he was too tired to argue and he knew that if he was ever going to get to speak to Chas again, he'd need to play ball. He reached into his pocket, pulled out a few Polaroids and pushed them towards Charity. "I took these this morning. I thought she might want to see her daughter, have something to keep."

Charity picked them up and looked through them. It still shocked her to see how small the baby girl was. She could barely believe she was still clinging onto life, there was no fat on her at all. She nodded to Carl.

"Can you ask her about names as well. I have one in mind, but..."

"We'll ask her" said Charity, still choked from the photos, "what do you have in mind?"

"Well, I thought Esther. It's biblical, so it fits with Dingle naming tradition, and it means 'hidden', which I think is fitting."

Everyone stared at Carl in bemusement. He felt the need to explain, "The parents of another baby in the NICU leant me one of their baby name books. I don't mind if Chas hates it and wants something else but I think my daughter deserves to have a name."

"We'll ask her" said Cain testily, "but don't hold your breath. Or rather, **do** hold your breath".

Aaron was getting sick of his uncle taking charge and pretending he knew what Chas would want. He'd not seen her lying in that bed, completely distraught. What right did he have to speak for her? He'd never been there for her in the past.

"This is ridiculous" Aaron said, "how are you going to ask her exactly, when she's refusing to see us?"

"What?" Carl and Nicola both said at once.

"Shut up Aaron" Cain growled.

"No. Why should I? What's the point in pretending? It's his fault she's in here, his fault she's in this mess, his fault his daughter's in an incubator. He should know exactly what he's done! If he hadn't messed her around again, taken advantage of her..."

"I didn't!" Carl snapped, "I was there for her when neither of you were. I found her stood outside Dale Head, sobbing."

He pointed at Aaron.

"Sobbing because her son was facing a murder charge and told her to get lost. Told her he didn't need her. She needed someone and I was there, and I didn't regret it then, and I certainly don't regret it now!"

"You were there because you're always there, sniffing around her, trying to worm your way back in" Cain shot back.

"It's a bit late to be the protective older brother now. You've never been there for her when she's needed you, you've caused her nothing but bother, both of you."

"That makes three of you then" Charity now joined in. "Three useless men in her life pulling her three different ways and you wonder why she doesn't want to speak to anyone? She's probably bricking it in there right now and all you can do is bicker like little kids. You need to grow up, all of you."

"For the first time in my life, I agree with Charity" Nicola piped up. "Look at you, she's right, you're useless. You can't even talk to each other for five minutes without it descending into childishness. Now I can't say I've ever seen eye to eye with Chas..." everyone raised their eyebrows, "...but she deserves better than this. And so does her daughter. Little mite..."

And Nicola crumbled. The tears came and she excused herself and left the canteen to compose herself.

"Since she had Angel, she's become a bit of a softy when it comes to kids" Jimmy explained.

Aaron was mulling over what had been said. He remembered telling his mum to leave him alone. They'd just got back from the police station, he was on bail for Jackson's murder and she'd done nothing but attack Hazel and get in the way. So yes, he'd told her to do one. That didn't make this his fault though did it? He wasn't to know she'd go straight back to Carl. He needed to think and he knew he wouldn't be able to there.

"I'm going to see my sister, then I'm going home" he said as he stood up. "We're not going to get anything sorted here. Let's just agree to put up with each other for the time being and we'll discuss things again when Mum comes round and has some input."

He didn't wait for a response, he just left and did exactly what he said - he visited the baby and then got a ride back home with Cain and Charity, who had chosen to follow his example and do the same.

When he got to the Woolpack, he let himself in through the back to avoid the nosey regulars in the pub and he sat down on the sofa in the backroom. He reached into his jacket pocket and retrieved the Polaroids Charity had given him to look after. He sat staring at them, letting the day's conversations go round and round in his head.

He didn't know how long he'd been sat there, he must have been in a trance, because he didn't notice Diane coming in until she was sat next to him and taking one of the photos out of his hand.

"Is this the bairn?" she asked, "Oh Aaron, she's nothing but a little dot. How are they both doing?"

"Yeah, alright" Aaron replied. He decided to tell Diane the truth about his mum, "Mum's refusing to have visitors though. I don't think she's coping too well."

"She's had a huge shock pet, I don't blame her for wanting to hide away for a bit. But she'll come round, and she knows we're here when she does."

Aaron wasn't sure she knew that at all. He did nothing but push her away. He kept her at arm's length because he still didn't fully trust her not to leave him again, and if he didn't allow her in, it would be easier when she took off again. But now she needed him and he started to formulate a plan to show his mum that he was ready to be there for her.


	21. Chapter 21

Bit shorter this chapter, but one of my favourites to write so far.

Chapter Twenty One

In a darkened, sterile room, a broken Chas lay in her bed, tormented by the sound of crying newborns. She was in constant pain, both from her knee and her surgery wound, which went from just under her ribcage right down to her pelvis. She felt as though she'd been gutted. But she never asked for any extra medication, because at least the pain distracted her from everything else. She glanced over at the side table, piled high with chocolates and magazines which one of the nurses had insisted on unpacking from the bags that Charity had left. She couldn't look at them without feeling sick at the thought of what everyone was saying about her. They must all detest her. Nothing but a cheap tart who'd yet again cheated on a good bloke with Carl, a man who caused her nothing but pain. And her reputation as a bad mother must be firmly cemented now, since she had managed to overlook the fact she was pregnant for six months. She had never felt so low, so full of self-hatred, and she didn't have the energy to stop herself from crying. That's all she seemed to have done since she'd woken up - cry, sleep, then cry some more.

The door opened and she turned her head away from it so she didn't have to acknowledge the nurse, or doctor or whoever it was this time that had come to try and badger her into doing something she didn't want to do. She hated being on the maternity ward, everyone was too happy, too smiley. What did she have to be happy about? She'd as good as killed her own child, there was no way it was going to survive, thanks to her. She didn't deserve to be in such a cheerful place.

"Evening Chas" Nurse Jacobs greeted her. Chas ignored her.

"How are you doing? Need any extra pain relief?"

Again there was no response from Chas. The nurse sighed and perched on the end of the bed.

"Listen sweetheart, I understand that this is difficult for you, but we can't help you unless you talk to us. The sooner we get you better, the sooner you can get out of here and meet your daughter."

Chas didn't believe for a second that that was going to happen, she knew they were lying to her about the baby to try and keep her spirits up, but she knew it wouldn't survive.

'_Probably __for __the __best __with __me __as __a__ mother__'_ she thought to herself.

"Right, well I'm going to leave you alone for today, but tomorrow I'm going to have to get tough with you, so I'm just giving you a heads up. You know where I am if you need anything, just buzz. Oh, and a rather dashing young man dropped this off for you at the front desk about five minutes ago. Looks intriguing, I'll leave it on here" and with that she left the room.

Once she'd heard the door shut, Chas turned her head back around. The nurse had pulled the small over-bed table close enough for her to reach it, and placed upon it a small package, wrapped in newspaper and tied with string. Curiosity piqued, she picked it up, undid the string and carefully unravelled the paper. When she saw what was inside, her heart leapt.

Her mobile phone, Aaron's ipod, a packet of party rings and a note in Aaron's handwriting which read,

_ "__When __you__'__re __ready __to __talk, __I__'__m __on __the __other __end __of __the __phone._

_ All my love_

_ Aaron x"_

She turned the ipod on and saw that he had loaded it with her favourite songs. There was also a playlist entitled "party rings" and on it were the songs they'd danced to all those years ago. The last day she'd been his mummy and he'd been her little boy.

She swallowed back more tears, turning her mobile phone over and over in her hands as she made a decision.

Aaron was sat in the canteen trying to figure out if he'd done the right thing or made things ten times worse. She may not have remembered their conversation in the ditch, since she was slowly bleeding to death at the time. In which case, he had probably just confused her. Or she might not want to be reminded of that day, it probably wasn't a great memory for her, not like it was for him. It hadn't been a good memory for him, not for the last seventeen years. But since she'd put it into context, he now knew what the memory meant, and he found he could only think of it now with fondness.

He was brought out of his musings by his mobile phone beeping. He'd received a text message. His head suddenly felt light, like it did when he had a nicotine rush. Could this be it? He reached into his pocket for his phone and quickly opened the message.

_ "__I__ can__'__t __eat __these __on __my __own __xXx__"_

He shot up from the table and all but ran to the maternity ward.


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter Twenty Two

When Aaron arrived at the front desk, Nurse Jacobs was waiting for him.

"You must be Aaron. I don't know what you packed in that little parcel of yours but it's worked wonders. First time she's pressed the buzzer or spoken voluntarily since she got here. Now, visitors aren't really allowed on the ward so late unless they're in one of the birthing rooms, but we'll make an exception just this once. I'll show you where to go."

Aaron smiled, heartened by the fact that he seemed to have done the right thing for once. He followed the nurse, despite already knowing the way. When they arrived at the room the nurse left him to it and he pushed the door open slowly. All the blinds were still down in the room, but there was a light on now, which made things a bit less depressing. Chas was sat up in bed, ipod in hand, earphones in ears, browsing through the playlist with a small smile on her face. Aaron walked further into the room, catching his mum's attention. She took out the earphones and put the ipod down. Her smile faltered a bit, she still wasn't sure how this was going to go.

"Hi" she croaked. Her voice was still hoarse from underuse.

"Hi" returned Aaron, sitting down on the chair next to the bed "how are you feeling?"

"Oh, you know..."

"No. Not really."

"I'm fine." Chas attempted to smile to show she was alright but Aaron could see the pain in her dark eyes. There was pain and guilt and regret written all over her face. It was strange seeing her without her mask on, being able to read her true emotions for once. Sure, he'd seen her angry before, and upset, more often than not by his actions. But most of the time she was this happy-go-lucky, good for a laugh bubbly personality, which other people seemed to like, but bugged him no end. He now realised that they were more alike than he thought in putting up a front, she had just learnt a more successful way of convincing people she was okay.

"Well I can see you're not" he responded, but decided not to push her. "How much do you remember?"

"I don't know, it's a bit like trying to remember a dream, keeps coming and going. I thought I'd dreamt telling you all of that stuff until these turned up" she said indicating the party rings. She picked them up and offered them to him, "here y'are, open 'em if you like?"

He took them from her and opened them up. He took one of each colour and put them on the ends of his fingers before putting the packet back on the table. He took a bite out of the purple one resting on his index finger before looking up to see his mum with tears in her eyes and a grin on her face.

"What?"

"You used to eat them like that when you were little. Only they fit better on your tiny fingers. Some things really never change do they?" She laughed, but then stopped suddenly as a sharp pain shot through her abdomen. She sucked her breath in and then held it to ride through the pain. Aaron stood up and flew to her side, party rings rolling from his hand onto the floor.

"Are you okay? Shall I call a nurse?" he asked in alarm.

She waved her hand to signal no. She let her breath out and shook her head. "No more laughing for a while I think. I don't think that's going to be too much of a problem." Aaron sat back down as Chas carried on talking, indicating the package, "Thanks for this. I didn't think you'd want to speak to me ever again after..." she trailed off, looking down at her hands, not wanting to finish the sentence.

"Look Mum, I think you're crazy for going back to him again. And yeah, when I first found out I was angry. But I had no right to be. Carl told us how it happened..." Chas hung her head in shame. "Just promise me he didn't take advantage. Because if he did..."

"No" Chas said quietly. "No, he didn't take advantage. He was there and I was weak, like I'm always weak. He let me pretend for one night that the last year hadn't happened. I suppose I've just lived up to my reputation as a cheap tart..."

"Don't say that." Aaron could see she was getting worked up.

"...and now look at what's happened, I'm such an idiot..."

"Mum, shush" Aaron hated seeing his mum so upset. She had her head bowed over, her dark hair falling forward to try to hide the tears now rolling down her face.

"...you think I'm a useless mother to you, at least I managed to give birth to you properly..."

She was starting to breathe too quickly. Aaron could see the beginnings of a panic attack. He stood and pressed the buzzer next to the bed, then sat gently on the bed facing Chas.

"Stop it. Just breathe slowly and calm down. It's okay."

"I've... as good as...killed...her...I've killed her...Aaron...I don't...deserve..."

Aaron put his hand under his mum's chin and pushed it up so she looked at him. "You need to stop talking, calm down and breathe in time with me. You hear me?" she nodded, eyes clouded with misery. "Right, deep breaths, in and out, that's it..." He saw her calming down, making an effort to breathe properly.

By the time the nurse came in to see what the matter was, Chas had managed to pull herself together. "Everything okay in here?"

Chas nodded.

"Yeah, we're fine" Aaron agreed, secretly proud he'd managed to help.

"Do you want some extra pain relief Chas? You're looking a bit drawn there love"

Chas just shook her head. She knew she deserved the pain. The nurse knew not to bother pushing it, she'd not had any so far. She smiled at the two as she checked her patient's stats, then left.

"I'm sorry" Chas said when the nurse had gone. "Didn't mean to get upset. I just..."

"No need to explain yourself" Aaron interrupted. "You're wrong though, you know."

"Eh?"

"I don't think you're a useless mother to me. I mean, I did, for ages, I didn't exactly hide it from you either did I? I don't know if you remember everything we talked about yesterday, but it really helped me see that you tried your best. And you did what you thought was best at the time."

"I was wrong though wasn't I?"

"Yeah you were. But that can't be helped. And I need to stop blaming you for everything that goes wrong in my life."

"Oh Aaron." Chas started to crumble again. She'd been dreaming for years about him saying something like this to her, she could hardly believe it was true.

Aaron shifted carefully so he was next to her and put his arm around her shoulder, pulling her gently into him. "Don't go all soft on me again" he said.

"Sorry" she sniffed as she leaned into him and savoured the moment. "Hey, if I knew all I needed to do to get a hug was nearly die, I'd have done it a long time ago".

Aaron laughed and helped himself to another party ring from the pack. He sat for a little while, listening to his mum sniffle, trying to decide whether or not to broach the next subject. _'__In__ for __a __penny, __in __for __a __pound__' _he thought.

"You're wrong about something else you know?" he said.

"Well I do seem to have quite the talent for being wrong, so I'm not surprised" she replied drily, "what am I wrong about this time?"

Aaron reached into his hoody pocket and pulled out one of the Polaroids. He held it out in front of them so she could see it.

"She's doing well. She's fighting, so she must be a true Dingle."

Chas felt dizzy. Was it really true? Was she really still alive? Aaron wouldn't lie to her would he?

"She's okay?" she whispered taking the photo and looking closely at it. "How can she be? She's tiny."

"Yeah, she's really small. And it's a matter of one day at a time, but she's getting stronger by the hour. It's weird, you can really see the difference that quickly" Aaron gushed. He never felt like this about his stepbrother, his dad's kid, but this baby, she gave him hope. Seeing her fight so hard to stay alive reminded him how precious life really was. And now he had to make his mum see that too.

"Have they not been keeping you updated on her in here?" he asked incredulously.

"They talked about it a bit, but I didn't believe she was still alive. I could hardly believe she existed in the first place, but to survive that...I couldn't let myself believe it."

Aaron pulled out some more photos and showed them to her. She took them reverently, one by one and examined them carefully, looking at her daughter, wishing now that she could see her in person. She traced the outline of her bonneted head with her finger on one of them, then she noticed a name pencilled in the bottom corner of the picture.

"Esther?" she read.

Aaron was quick to react, "just a suggestion. Nothing's been decided."

"Why Esther?" she asked curiously.

"Apparently it means 'hidden' and it's biblical." As much as Aaron wanted to hate the name because Carl suggested it, he thought it suited the little frog. He wasn't going to tell that to Chas though, it was up to her what to call her daughter.

"Nice" she said simply, "is that Uncle Zak's suggestion? He always tries to push the biblical names."

"Carl's" Aaron answered.

"Esther King. Has a ring to it I suppose. We can't let him choose all the names though. What do you think for a middle name?"

"What? You're trusting me with it?" Chas nodded. Aaron thought about it.

"I've been calling her Frog in my head, cos she's all skinny and small."

"Well I know there's a Crocodile Dingle in the family somewhere, but I think that's taking it a bit far love".

"Did you ever read to me when I was little?" he asked her.

She didn't understand why this was relevant but gave him the benefit of the doubt. "Yeah, all the time, you loved sitting on my knee and looking through your books. Only time you were ever quiet."

"Wasn't there one about a frog that jumped backwards?"

Chas cast her mind back to a time she'd tried to block out of her memory. "Freda the Frog. Yeah you loved that one. How do you remember that?"

"Same reason you do I suppose" and she knew that he meant it was a rare, happy memory in a sea of unhappy ones, which made it precious.

"So, Esther Freda King then?" she asked, still looking at the photo.

"Yeah" Aaron replied "I'll tell Carl when I see him."

"No" Chas said firmly as she put the photos on the table, "I think I should talk to him about this. It's time I faced up to everything."

"In the morning, I'll get him to come and see you. Now, you need to rest." Aaron reached for the ipod and put one earbud in her ear, the other in his own and turned the setting to shuffle. He stayed with her on the bed, letting her lean into him, listening to music and scoffing party rings until she'd fallen into a much needed slumber. When he was sure she was asleep, he carefully stood up, took away the ipod, kissed her gently on the forehead and left the room with a much lighter heart than he'd entered it.


	23. Chapter 23

Very rambly and not my best, but got really bad writer's block and just had to struggle through. I think it's starting to pick up again in my head. X x

Chapter Twenty Three

The next day was a Monday, which meant people had to go back to work, and village life returned to normal once more. Except that there was only one thing discussed, in the factory, in the cafe, in the Woolpack, the whisperings were all about what had happened that weekend. Brenda made sure that everyone who didn't already know about the events were fully briefed on the ins and outs whilst she made them their refreshments.

"Had the air ambulance out and everything she did, lost more than 40 pints of blood according to my Gennie, nearly died three times..." she was filling Rachel and Ali in on the details when 'Her Gennie' walked in the door and overheard what her mother was saying.

"Mother!" she admonished, "will you stop gossiping about Chas like she's some sort of news item! She's my sister in case you'd forgotten!"

"Hello Gennie love, don't be like that, they're gonna hear about it sooner or later. Sit yourself down and I'll bring over a nice cup of cappuccino".

Ali and Rachel had been listening agog at the news, Ali revelling in the sheer juiciness of the gossip, but Rachel with genuine concern for Chas. She had got off to a bad start with her boss at the Woolpack, giving her lip when she thought she was just a barmaid. But now she got on really well with Chas, they had a great laugh and she couldn't believe all of this had happened.

"I thought she was looking a bit peaky" Rachel told her sister, "but I assumed it was this winter flu or summat".

Ali nodded "Talk about a shock to the system".

Rachel leant over to Gennie's table, green eyes wide with worry, "Is she okay? Chas I mean."

Ali butted in "How can anyone be okay after that?"

"Oh, that Chastity's hard as nails. She'll be right as rain in no time, you mark my words" Brenda said as she brought Gennie's drink over. Gennie took her drink and glared at her mother, then gave a small smile to Rachel to try to allay her fears, wishing that somebody could do the same for her.

Nikhil came in and sat next to Gennie. He had had most of the weekend to let everything sink in, but he was still feeling a bit delicate about the situation and it wasn't helping having people stare and whisper about him in the factory. When Gennie had called him on the way to the hospital he had been worried for Chas, and who could blame him? He'd always have a soft spot for her, she had been loads of fun when they had dated and she'd let him down so gently in order to step aside for her sister to claim him. He hadn't realised it at the time, but now he saw that he was much better suited to Gennie and he loved her very much.

Then, when Gennie and Charity had arrived at Holdgate Farm late on Saturday night with the whole story, he hadn't known quite what to feel. Yes, Chas had cheated on him, but they hadn't been serious. And she'd been in shock after Jackson dying so suddenly. And it was Carl. And a million other excuses in order to forgive her for what she'd done, because, as hurt as he'd been at first to think she'd respected him so little to have cheated on him, he found that he couldn't feel bad will towards her, not now. And he was also more than a little relieved not to be a father, since it would have caused no end of complications between him and Gennie.

He put his arm around Gennie and gave her a peck on the cheek. As long as he had her, he knew he could get through a little bit of gossip. Gennie smiled. She couldn't believe that she'd finally got her man, and he'd been so sweet, so caring about the whole situation.

"Hello" she said "couldn't be without me for five minutes eh?"

"No" he replied, kissing her on the cheek again, "and we're out of decent coffee at the factory so I said I'd pick some up and give you a lift back with me."

"Aw, always thinking" she laughed as they snuggled up and shared her cappuccino before making their way back up to the factory.

Meanwhile, Carl was walking back to Mill Cottage from the shop holding a bag of bread, bacon, eggs and beans. He'd been dragged home by Jimmy and Nicola late the night before and forced to go to bed and get some much needed sleep, but now he wanted to get a decent breakfast inside him and head straight back to the hospital. His daughter was still critical, despite doing well, and he didn't want to miss a second of being with her, just in case things took a turn for the worse. Usually, he'd go to the cafe, but he wanted to avoid the gossips.

As he passed the garage, he looked up to see Debbie and Cain working on a car together, whilst Aaron was stood staring into space with a spanner in his hand. When Aaron clocked Carl, he threw the spanner to the ground and walked down the drive towards him. Carl sped up, the last thing he wanted right now was a row in the street with Aaron Livesy.

Aaron saw Carl walking faster and broke into a jog to catch up. "Carl," he said loudly when he had nearly reached him, "wait up a second, I just need a word".

Carl stopped and turned in surprise at the gentle, calm tone Aaron had used with him. He had never spoken civilly to him before, which worried him straight away. "What's happened?" he asked quickly.

Aaron stopped too. He'd been thinking all night about what to say to Carl, how to handle him, and had decided to try his hardest to be gracious. After all, he was speaking for his mum now, not for him. "Nothing. Well, not nothing, everything's okay. I just..." he looked down the drive at Mill Cottage and nodded in that direction, "...can I have a word in private?"

Carl was so surprised by Aaron's pleasant attitude, he simply nodded and led the way down the drive and into the house. If anyone had looked towards the garage at that point, they'd have seen the rather comical sight of both Debbie and Cain's heads peeking around the corner, watching the two men curiously. They looked to each other in complete confusion at such a strange sight. Since when did Aaron and Carl hold private meetings together?

Inside Mill Cottage, Aaron sat at the kitchen island whilst Carl put the kettle on and went about making himself breakfast. They both felt awkward, but each was on his best behaviour.

"Want some?" asked Carl, motioning towards the food.

Aaron shook his head, "No ta, I'll have a coffee if there's one going though. Stuff at the garage is like dishwater."

Carl added an extra cup to his own and carried on with breakfast as he spoke. "I'm surprised you're all at work to be honest. I thought you'd be camped outside the maternity ward until Chas gives in and agrees to speak to you."

"Yeah, well apparently they held a family meeting yesterday and decided to give her another day, then get the tents out" Aaron joked.

"Were you not at this meeting?" Carl asked with polite interest as he poured the coffees out and placed one in front of Aaron. This was the longest conversation he'd ever had with him; it felt like he was in Bizarro World.

"No. That's what I came to talk to you about. I was with Mum" Aaron said as he warmed his hands on the coffee cup.

Carl's stomach flipped over. "You saw her? How come?"

"She texted me, asked me to come in." That was all Aaron was going to admit to Carl.

Carl realised his toast was burning and went to sort it. "She okay?" he asked hopefully.

"Yeah. Well, no she wasn't, she was a bit of a mess actually. She thought the baby was dead and that it was her fault"

"What? Why would she think that?"

"Dunno, but she did. I showed her the pictures of the baby, told her she was doing okay. She calmed down a bit. She wants to see you." Aaron tried to say this casually but he could hear his voice waver. He still wasn't sure he agreed with his mum's decision to speak to Carl, but for once, he was going to do what she wanted.

Carl's heart soared. He couldn't help the grin from taking over his face. His eyes shone with hope as he looked to Aaron to check that he wasn't playing some cruel joke. "Really?"he asked. Aaron nodded soberly, which helped Carl to calm down a bit. He knew he needed to keep the lad on side, well as much on side as he'd ever be. It wasn't just Chas he needed to win round, it was the whole Dingle clan. He turned the hob off and sat on the other side of the island with his plate loaded with breakfast. "That's great. Thanks."

Aaron frowned "Don't thank me, I have nothing to do with this. I'm just the messenger. And I'm warning you now, if you say anything, do anything to hurt her or upset her, then you'll be needing your own hospital bed to lie in. Am I making myself clear?"

Carl nodded. "Crystal. You know, I don't set out to hurt her, I do genuinely love her. I always have"

Aaron snorted, "Well maybe you should stop loving her because it seems to give her nothing but grief. She's lying in that bed refusing to see people because she's ashamed of herself. For going back to you again. She wants to talk to you to discuss your daughter, and that's all, so don't go getting your hopes up for a happy reunion."

Aaron drank the last of his coffee and left, having suitably dashed Carl's optimism. Carl turned to his breakfast and chewed over more than just bacon as he thought about his imminent meeting with the woman he loved.


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter Twenty Four

Carl could hear his own heartbeat thumping in his ears as he followed the nurse to Chas's room. The last time he'd seen her she'd been unconscious in a ditch, and he'd thought he was going to lose her forever. Now he had a chance to speak to her again and he was so nervous about messing things up he couldn't think straight. The nurse indicated the right room and he took a deep breath before pushing the door and entering.

Chas had been waiting anxiously since she'd received a text from Aaron to say he'd spoken to Carl. She'd not been able to eat any breakfast, she felt so sick, and the doctor had given her extra medication because her heart rate had been elevated. She hadn't wanted to say it was down to nerves more than any medical reason. She'd fished her makeup out of the bag Diane had packed for her and done her best at applying it with the limited movement she had at the moment. Then she thought '_what __am __I__ doing __dolling __myself __up__ for __Carl __King __when __we__'__re __not__ even __together __anymore?__'_ and wiped it all off again.

When Carl came in she was trying to read one of the magazines from Charity without much success as she'd read the same sentence about fifty times without concentrating. They both stared at each other for a moment, before Carl walked a bit further in and closed the door behind him.

"Hi" he said softly, still staring at her. A few faded bruises dotted her face, and the cut was still visible on her cheek, but she was just as beautiful to him as the day he'd first met her.

"Hi" replied Chas, dropping her gaze to the magazine as she laid it down on the over-bed table, then giving Carl a once over as he stood there. He looked terrible, with blood-shot eyes, stubble, and serious bed head. "You look about as good as I feel" she joked.

He laughed, "not slept much" he answered, "may I?" he pointed towards the chair by her bed and she nodded. "How are you feeling?" he asked as he sat down.

"Like I've been cut in half, sewn back together and then thrown into a parallel universe" she said honestly.

"Listen, Chas I just wanted to say how..." Carl started, but Chas jumped in before he could finish.

"No Carl, don't. I don't want to hear apologies or explanations or excuses. I asked you to come because we need to discuss our d...daughter. Nothing else."

"Okay, sorry" said Carl, upset that he couldn't apologise, but not wanting to push his luck this early on. He'd noticed her struggle to say 'daughter', she was obviously having a hard time getting used to the situation.

"How is she?" Chas asked uncertainly.

"Doing better than anyone expected" Carl said brightly, "here, I took a video of her for you" he reached into his pocket for his phone and passed it to Chas once the video was loaded. She watched the clip in awe, as the little pink wrinkled creature wriggled and kicked, full of life. At one point Chas could hear Carl's laugh as he stuck his hand into the incubator and a tiny hand held onto one of his fingers. When she saw that Carl's hand was longer than the baby, she realised that the photos had not done justice to how small the baby was.

The clip ended and she passed the phone back to Carl, turning her head away from him to try to hide the tears that were rolling down her face. Carl had already seen them, but allowed her some dignity by pretending not to and carried on talking.

"She's not moved that much the whole time I've been with her. It's as if she knew the camera was on and was putting on a show. Proper little exhibitionist, I wonder where she gets that from."

He was rewarded with a chuckle from Chas as she wiped her tears and faced him again. She took a deep breath to calm herself and got down to business.

"Aaron said you have a name."

"Yeah, but it's just an idea..."

"It's lovely. Esther is lovely."

"Really?" Carl was surprised; he thought she'd hate any of his suggestions.

"Yeah, really. Esther Freda King. What do you think?"

Carl was beaming, he had worried Chas would insist on having Dingle in there somewhere and was so relieved she hadn't, he would have agreed to any middle name. "I think it's perfect" he said, "I'll go and register her this afternoon".

Chas smiled. She'd not seen Carl this excited for ages, it reminded her of the old Carl, the one she'd first met all those years ago. She quickly shook herself from these thoughts; she knew they never did her any good. And she had another difficult subject to broach with him, one he may not be so agreeable on.

"There's something else I need to talk to you about" she started solemnly.

"Yeah?" Carl sensed her unease and was worried.

"Sarah..." Chas started, but stopped when she saw Carl sigh in relief. "What?" she asked.

"I thought you were gonna say something terrible then, like you're banning me from seeing Esther, or you're more ill than you thought or summat."

"Well, how do you know what I am gonna say?"

"I can guess. You want Esther testing to see if she's a match for Sarah right?" Chas nodded, surprised that Carl even knew Sarah existed, never mind that she needed a bone marrow match. He never took much of an interest in her family when they were going out. "Well it's already been done" Carl said.

"What? How?"

"I spoke to the specialist on Saturday night, I mentioned that your niece had a poorly kid that needed a bone marrow transplant. She said she'd look into it. They took a sample and they're testing it. They'll know by tomorrow if it's a match. She said it was an outside bet though if neither of us are matches."

Chas couldn't believe Carl had gone to the bother of asking. Every time she thought she knew him, he always ended up doing something to surprise her, and not always in a good way. When she was going through a hard time with Aaron some months back, he offered her money for a decent barrister, and didn't call the police when he trashed Mill Cottage. And now this. But she still had doubts over his motives; had he really changed or was this all for show?

"If she is a match though, you'd be happy for her to donate to Sarah?" she asked him straight out.

Carl was slightly offended at the insinuation that he'd refuse Sarah life-saving treatment over some petty feud between the Kings and Dingles. "Of course. I'm not blind Chas, I've seen how ill she is."

Chas nodded, "Okay. Will you let me know once the results are back? And don't mention it to anyone until they are."

"Does that mean I can come and see you again?" Carl asked hopefully.

"As long as you bring me a new video, yeah" Chas replied with a small smile.

"Deal" Carl grinned as he stood up, "see you later then". He made his way towards the door, but stopped as he opened it, looked back to Chas and said solemnly "I know you said not to, but I really need to say I'm so sorry for all of this. I would never knowingly put you in danger, and I'd never have forgiven myself if you hadn't survived this. But I'm not sorry about Esther, she's perfect. So thank you, for giving her to me."

He left the room before Chas had a chance to reply. She sat there letting his words wash over her, trying her hardest to stop herself from falling for Carl King all over again.


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter Twenty Five

Since his meeting with Carl, Aaron had had nothing but grief from Cain and Debbie about what he'd been doing at Mill Cottage. He'd refused to tell them at first, but they'd nagged him so much he'd ended up telling them that he'd seen his mum and that she'd asked to see Carl. Debbie had been surprised but accepting of this, whereas Cain had gone mental.

"She won't see her own family but she'll see that idiot?"

"She's only talking to him about the baby" Aaron tried to stay calm since his Uncle couldn't.

"And what do you think you're doing, sneaking around, having secret meetings?"

"Wasn't very secret, you watched me go in"

"I meant with Chas, you budgie! Why didn't you tell us you'd seen her?"

"I'm telling you now aren't I? Why do you care?" Aaron was starting to get angry.

"She's my sister, I have a right to know what's going on"

"You have no right to know anything! What kind of brother have you ever been to her eh?" Aaron shouted as he threw a spanner on the floor near Cain.

"Oi!" Debbie shouted, "both of you, calm down!"

"You don't know what you're talking about, you'd better..."

"I know more than you think. What kind of brother leaves his little sister to sort out your alchie father? Who lets his thirteen year old sister work in a strip club? And now, what do you ever do for her but cause trouble?"

Cain's face had frozen in surprise, but he recovered quickly enough to react to Aaron's last comment, "You're the one who causes her trouble mate, not me".

"I know I'm no angel, but I'm nothing like you. I'm learning from my mistakes and I'm gonna be there for my little sister. And my mum." And with that he stormed off towards the pub past a startled Debbie and a fuming Cain.

When he arrived at the pub, he sat in a corner booth and counted to fifty in his head. He'd got to thirty five when Marlon came over.

"Pint?" Marlon asked. Aaron nodded. "Pie and chips?" Aaron nodded again. "I don't suppose you've heard owt..."

"Yeah, but I'm in the mood for punching someone at the minute Marlon, so I wouldn't recommend sitting down"

Marlon took the hint and went to sort out his order. He returned with it ten minutes later, by which time Aaron seemed to have calmed down.

"Can I bribe you for info if I don't charge you for these?" Marlon joked.

"Yeah, but then who'll protect you when Diane finds out you've been giving out freebies?" Aaron said, but indicated for Marlon to sit with his head.

Marlon was supposed to be watching the bar, but the lunchtime rush hadn't started yet so there were hardly any customers. He slid opposite Aaron and waited for him to start talking. Aaron took a huge bite of pie and washed it down with lager before looking up at his cousin's big, brown, inquisitive eyes.

"I saw her last night. She was freaking out over everything."

"Not surprising I suppose"

"She thought the baby was dead and blamed herself."

"Why would she do that?" Marlon asked.

Aaron shrugged as he took another bite.

"Is she okay now?" Marlon pushed. He was a sensitive soul and didn't like hearing that his cousin was in pain.

"She's better today but not okay. She's agreed to talk to Carl this morning, then she's gonna tell the nurse to allow visitors later today. You can pass it on to the family, but don't let them all bundle in at once"

Marlon nodded, "She'll be okay you know, she's tougher than Uncle Zak and Cain put together is Our Chas".

"Well she's had to be hasn't she" Aaron mumbled darkly. Marlon sensed that this statement had something to do with his earlier mood.

"What do you mean?"

Aaron looked up from his food and sized his cousin up. Would it be worth talking to Marlon about this? He was struggling to come to terms with what his mum had told him the other day and he might have some extra insight that could help him. Paddy had listened to his story but he wasn't part of the family, he couldn't explain anything, just listen.

"I just had a row with Cain" he said, "I basically called him a useless brother".

Marlon pulled a face as if to say '_rather__ you __than__ me__'_. "Any particular reason you've done that? Got a death wish, for example?"

"He was getting all righteous about mum, having a go at me because she spoke to me and not him. He seems to think he has rights over her, like he owns her. But he's never done anything for her."

"He has a funny way of showing he cares does Cain, but when it comes to family..."

"Yeah yeah, family this, family that" Aaron interrupted, his temper flaring again, "you all go on about 'the family' 'the Dingle way' but you're all a bunch of hypocrites. Where was the family when Shadrach was spending all his money on booze with two kids to bring up?"

Marlon realised that this wasn't just about Cain "what's brought this on?" he asked quietly.

"My mum, when she was...when we were waiting for help, she told me about when she was a kid. She was properly out of it but I didn't realise at the time and I made her keep talking. I don't think she'd have said owt if she was normal-minded. But she did, and now I can't stop thinking about it."

Marlon sighed, he wished he'd never sat down now, how was he supposed to explain his family to someone like Aaron – young and stubborn?

"Okay" he started, looking Aaron straight in the eye, "I don't know what she told you exactly, but what's in the past is in the past. Chas doesn't dwell on it and she wouldn't want you to either. She loved Shadrach despite his faults and she loves Cain too. He might not have been there all the time when they were kids, but when he was, he protected her as best he could. Not that she ever really needed it, always terrified me has your mum. And the family are here for her now, that's what counts." Marlon spotted two customers looking over the food menu. "I've got to go. Just try to learn from the past, not dwell on it, eh?" And with that he stood and went to serve the customers.

Aaron went back to his pie and chips. Marlon was right, his mum didn't tell him that stuff so that he would go all angry young man on his family, it was so he could understand a bit more about their past. And it made him realise that if she could forgive those she loved for making mistakes, no matter how big they were, then he should do the same.


	26. Chapter 26

Not especially proud of this chapter but need it to link to the next one. Thanks for still reading, whoever you may be. And thanks for your supportive comments Shawnyola x

Chapter Twenty Six

After lunch, Aaron had gone back to the garage and apologised to Cain, much to the surprise of Debbie and Cain himself, who had nodded and gone back to working on a dirty carburettor. The rest of the day went slowly but quietly and when it came to closing time Cain spoke for the first time that afternoon.

"I'm going to the hospital in fifteen if either of you need a lift?"

Aaron nodded "I'll just go and get changed and I'll be at yours in ten".

"I can't," said Debbie, "will you tell her I'll see her tomorrow, I've got to take Sarah in anyway so we'll both drop by".

When Aaron and Cain arrived at Chas's room, they saw they weren't the only ones visiting. Aaron was surprised to see his mum sat up in bed with a full face of makeup on, laughing loudly with Katie at something Gennie was saying. He could see by the mountain of cards and gifts on her bedside table that the family hadn't wasted any time in coming to see her.

"Hullo" Chas said brightly as she noticed them, "blimey, if I have any more visitors today they'll have to install a conveyor belt like they've got for the crown jewels!"

"Eh?" said Cain as he plonked himself down on a chair in the corner.

"Never mind" said Chas, still smiling. Aaron wasn't believing this 'happy Chas' act for a second and wondered if anyone else was. He sat next to Cain and they both watched the three women chat and laugh about trivial things.

After half an hour of general chit chat, the girls stood and bid their goodbyes. Aaron went to the loo.

When he came back, he saw that the door was slightly ajar and he could hear that Cain and Chas were talking. He couldn't resist standing by the door and listening in to their conversation.

"...well I don't know what you told him but he proper flipped his lid with me."

"Sorry. I wasn't thinking straight. The words kind of tumbled out of my gob without my say-so. I don't think I said owt too bad but I can't remember it too clearly"

"I'm sure everything you said was true. What's with the Pollyanna act? Do you think we can't see through it?"

"Better than being miserable and nasty to everyone you come across."

"So...Carl King..."

"Don't start Cain, I really don't need you lecturing me about how stupid I am."

"I got you something" Aaron heard Cain's chair squeak as he stood up. He dared to peek his head into the room slightly so he could see what was going on. He saw Cain reach into his inside jacket pocket, pull out a brown paper bag and pass it to Chas who was intrigued. She opened the bag and peered inside to see its contents. Her eyes widened and she looked up at Cain in surprise. Then her face crumbled and she dissolved into tears.

"Oh god, I knew I shouldn't have done that. Stop it now, you know I don't do crying" Cain said gruffly, but without any malice.

"I miss him Cain, I can't help it" Chas sobbed.

Aaron could see that Cain was torn between comforting his sister and keeping up his aloof exterior. His heart won in the end though, and Cain sat on the edge of the bed and pulled Chas into a hug, just as Aaron had done the night before. He couldn't help now but to see the similarities between his uncle and himself, their stubborn nature and wild temper. Why did it take such drastic measures for them both to show their caring sides?

Aaron chose that moment to come in. He pretended to be taken aback to find Cain hugging his mum. Cain ignored Aaron and spoke softly to Chas, "I know you miss him, I've no idea why though. He would've been useless if he was here".

"He would've been here though" Chas mumbled into his shoulder, which was becoming damp with her tears.

"Well you'll have to make do with us instead" said Cain.

"Mum?" Aaron said, wanting to know what had upset her so much. Realising Aaron had returned, Chas pulled away from Cain too quickly, wiping her eyes and wincing from the pain it caused her moving about so much. Cain passed her some tissues from her bedside table then stood up.

"I'm off to the bogs" he said, not looking at either of them as he left the room.

Aaron sat on a chair next to the bed. He watched as his mum tried to wipe away her black mascara tears. "You alright?" he asked, "What's he said now?"

Chas gave a small smile, "Nothing love. He did something nice, and it made me sad."

Aaron frowned at his mum, her smile got bigger. She passed Aaron the brown paper bag and he looked inside. There were three sticks of shiny black liquorice and a plastic bag of brightly-coloured powder.

"Spanish and a quarter of kali" Chas explained. Well, she thought she'd explained but Aaron was still confused.

"Spanish? And what?" he said.

"Liquorice, and kali, it's like sherbert. You dip the spanish into the kali, it's lovely."

"So he bought you weird sweets and it made you cry?"

Chas shook her head, "my dad, if either me or Cain were ever poorly, would always buy us spanish and kali. Said it was better than any medicine for making you feel better." She looked at the bag with a wistful look in her eyes.

Cain made them jump when he piped up from the doorway, "didn't do you any good when you had appendicitis and he didn't take you to the doctor though did it?"

"No" Chas smiled.

"And what did he do when you were having emergency surgery? He got bladdered, like he always did."

"Cain..." Aaron warned.

"He felt guilty" Chas defended, "he didn't mean to get so drunk."

"No, never did" Cain spat.

"Look, I don't know why I miss him but I do okay? It's like he's haunting me. Sometimes, I can see him sat at the bar in the corner of my eye, then I turn my head and he's gone. I let him down, I should have stopped him from drinking. I should have let him carry on staying with me."

Aaron and Cain looked at each other, both wondering where this had come from.

"Mum, you're just upsetting yourself for no reason now. He was an alcoholic, you couldn't have stopped him drinking any more than I could stop you being loud and gobby".

"Oi!" Cain nudged Aaron with his elbow. But Chas laughed, it was the perfect thing to say to get her out of her doldrums.

"I'm sorry, I'm really tired. Takes energy to be so chipper all day. Thanks for these" Chas said to Cain, indicating the sweets, "it was such a nice thought. I can't actually believe you came up with it to be honest."

"Cheers!" Cain pretended to take offence.

"Have you seen Esther today?" Chas asked.

"Yeah" Aaron replied, "we've just been to see her. She's gaining weight and everything's developing as it should. When will they let you see her?"

Chas shrugged. Now that she knew there was a chance Esther may survive, all she wanted to do was go upstairs and meet her daughter, touch her, smell her. But she was still in a lot of pain and the doctor said it'd be a few more days before she was up and about.

"Well patience isn't a virtue any of us share, but you're just gonna have to wait sis" Cain told her, "we'd best be off, do you want anything bringing in next time?"

Chas shook her head, "you could take some of these chocolates with you though, I'll be the size of a house when I get out if I eat all these."

Aaron grabbed a few boxes from the side, "I'll give them to Diane, I'm sure she'll find something to do with them".

Cain and Aaron left Chas alone, glad to have some time to herself, but still haunted by the constant crying of babies that weren't hers, knowing her own daughter was somewhere above her still fighting for her life.


	27. Chapter 27

Thanks for the comments guys. Here's the next chapter x

Chapter Twenty Seven

Debbie held onto Sarah's hand as they walked the corridors of the hospital. They were there at least once a week nowadays and they'd both begun to hate the building. Sarah looked around as they walked.

"This isn't the way Mummy"

"I know, we're going to visit someone first" Debbie told her daughter.

"Who?"

"You'll see in a minute" she said as she led her through the maternity ward to Chas's room. When they arrived, Debbie was surprised to see Carl King sat on Chas's bed. It looked like she was interrupting a moment between them.

"Auntie Chas!" Sarah shouted as she ran into the room, excited to see her favourite Auntie.

Carl stood up and backed away from the bed as Chas tried and failed to bend down to hug Sarah. Debbie lifted Sarah onto the bed so they could hug properly.

"Are you poorly like me?" Sarah asked.

"Yes sweetheart"

"Mummy said you've had a baby, can I see her?" Sarah hadn't stopped talking about the new baby since she'd been told about the newest addition to the clan.

"You can't at the moment love, she's in a special room that children aren't allowed in"

"Is she poorly too?"

"Yes. But just like you, and me, she's going to get better. Deal?" Chas put her hand out and Sarah shook it.

Debbie saw Chas give Carl a significant look which he returned. She didn't like where this was going.

"Now, I need a quick word with your mummy, so how would you like to go and look at some other babies with Carl over there?"

Sarah nodded her head excitedly and jumped down from the bed straight away. Debbie was about to protest, but Chas got in first, "please Debbie?" she pleaded. Debbie could see that she was bursting to tell her something and as much as she disliked the idea of leaving her daughter in Carl King's charge, she could see that Chas really needed her to do this.

"Stay with Carl, don't wander off!" she told Sarah as Carl took the little girl's hand and they left the room.

Debbie stood there, arms folded, not impressed "well?"

"Have a seat Debs" Chas told her "I need to tell you summat".

Debbie flounced onto a chair, "don't tell me, you and Carl are back together and you want me to tell the rest of the family".

Chas snorted, "give me some credit Debbie, I've had a baby, not a lobotomy!"

"So you're not with Carl again?" Debbie was relieved to see her shake her head, she'd felt so disappointed in Chas when she'd seen her and Carl together. She always looked up to her, she'd been there for her more than her mum or dad had been and she didn't want to see her throwing more of her life away on the likes of Carl again.

"What do you want to tell me then?"

"Okay, when Carl spoke to the doctors on Saturday night, he told them about Sarah and asked them to test Esther to see if she's a match. The results came through this morning."

Chas picked up a letter and passed it to Debbie, who took it with shaking hands. She hardly dared to hope where this was leading, but Chas wouldn't be telling her unless it was good news would she? She read the letter, but couldn't take it in. She looked up at Chas to see her smiling at her.

"It's positive Debs, she's a match."

Debbie didn't know what to say, how to react. She'd given up hope of saving her daughter, she'd tried for months to get pregnant with Andy and every month been disappointed. And now, out of the blue, there was a match on her doorstep. She burst into tears and flung herself into Chas's arms. As painful as it was to have Debbie resting on her, Chas let her sob her heart out until she couldn't cry anymore. It was nice to have someone else be the sobbing wreck for once, especially since they were tears of happiness.

Debbie eventually sat up and pulled herself together, "sorry" she mumbled as she sat back on her chair.

"No need to apologise kid, you must have been saving them tears up for a while."

Debbie nodded. "What happens now then?"

"Well" said Chas, "your specialist will tell you more, but from what my doctor was saying, they use stem cells from the umbilical cord and placenta and work their magic..."

Debbie already knew all about the process as she'd been researching saviour siblings for the last few months, but she was confused, "I know all that, but isn't it a bit late, how would they have known to save the placenta?"

"Ah, well, on account of me being a medical miracle and all that, the specialist froze everything so she could do 'further tests' whatever that means. Sounds a bit Frankenstein's monster to me, but it means that for once, lady luck has shone on us. They'll keep them frozen until they can be used."

"I can't believe it" Debbie said, "I was beginning to lose hope. And Carl's alright with all this?"

"Of course. He's the one that started the ball rolling. And he's not completely heartless you know."

Debbie looked at Chas, she could see that familiar look in her eyes, the stirrings of feelings she'd been keeping at bay for nearly a year now. As much as Chas protested that she would never go back to Carl, Debbie knew how much she still loved him deep down. They'd never stop loving each other, no matter how many vile things they said or did to each other.

"Chas..." Debbie started, but was interrupted by Carl and Sarah coming back into the room. Debbie scooped Sarah up into a massive hug, squeezing her tight. "Hello gorgeous, have you had fun?"

"Yeah, I saw three babies and Carl bought me some sweets" she said, holding up a half-eaten packet of fruit pastilles.

"Still buying people's love then?" Debbie couldn't resist saying as she carried Sarah towards the door. Then she stopped and turned, "Sorry. Thanks."

Carl nodded to her and gave her a small smile. Debbie and Sarah went, leaving Chas and Carl alone again.

"How was she?" asked Carl.

"Happy. Shocked. Relieved more than anything I think." Chas told him, "There's still a long way to go though. Sarah has to have chemotherapy and all sorts before she can have a transplant."

"But it's a start"

"Yeah. It's a start. So, you got anything for me?"

Carl looked confused, it took a moment for him to realise what she was talking about. "Oh, yeah" he said as he reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. He loaded up the video he'd taken that morning and passed it to Chas. As she watched the video, he watched her, enjoying the look of pure joy on her face as she saw her daughter on the screen. Esther wasn't even doing anything in this video, she was fast asleep.

Chas passed the phone back to Carl. She loved watching the video, but it made her ache to see her daughter in the flesh. She couldn't bear the waiting anymore.

"Best get going" Carl said, "I have to show my face at the office this aft, or Jimmy'll go spare. I'll be back this evening if you want another video bringing?"

"Yeah, that'll be nice" Chas said and waved to Carl as he left.

She lay back in her bed and thought about the strange route her life had taken in the last few days. She'd gone to a charity paintball match and ended up in hospital with a baby. She'd laid herself bare to her son, surprisingly resulting in them reaching a level of understanding they had never had before. And now, her baby was the key to Sarah's recovery, something the whole family had been hoping for and losing faith that it would happen in time. Surely that will be the end of the drama in her life for now? Or did the fates have more in store for her?


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter Twenty Eight

Chas was bored. She'd read all her magazines twice, and flicked through every channel on the hospital TV more times than she could count, but there was nothing on. She'd settled on watching Corrie, but she didn't usually watch it so she had no idea what was going on. She'd only stopped on it because she'd thought she'd seen Aaron's mate Adam, but it turned out to be someone who just looked similar.

She was feeling the boredom more than usual because she knew that there was a massive party going on at the Woolpack and she was missing out. All of her family and friends had been texting all day to say they'd heard the great news about Sarah and that they'd be missing her presence at the party. She was sure they meant well, but it was like torture being reminded that everyone was having fun whilst she was stuck in her bed. Aaron had said he would visit, but she told him to go to the party and have a laugh – god knows if anyone deserved it, Aaron did. At least she could look forward to Carl's visit and another video of her daughter.

As if thinking about him had summoned him, she smiled to see Carl coming through the door, earlier than she was expecting. But her smile froze on her face when she saw his red rimmed eyes and sickly pallor. He couldn't meet her eyes.

At the Woolpack, the party was in full swing. The whole village was there and it felt to Aaron like someone had sprinkled magic dust over everybody. There wasn't a miserable face to be seen, even Cain was smiling. Sarah was the guest of honour and she'd been treated to as many ice cream floats as she could manage by her Nana Diane. She was running around the pub with Noah and Jacob, whilst all the grownups drank toast after toast to Esther, to Sarah, to Chas and Carl, and anyone else they could think of.

Debbie and Cameron were sat with Charity, Jai, Cain and the rest of the Dingles, who were getting into the party spirit in their own special way. At the bar sat Andy and Victoria, with Alex and the Bartons. Moira and Alicia were helping Marlon behind the bar.

The older residents were sat in a cubby near the back door, and as he passed, Betty called for Aaron to come over.

"Listen love, we just wanted to give you these" she said as she passed a few knitted items over to him. "Pearl and myself knit them as small as we could with the pattern we had because I know she's only a tiny thing at the moment. If you could pass them onto your mum when you see her next?"

Aaron looked down at the items, there was a little hat, mittens and a babygro, all intricately knitted in the softest white wool he'd ever felt. They must have been knitting non-stop all weekend to have managed it so quickly.

"Thanks" he told them with genuine warmth, "I'll give her them tomorrow, she'll be really grateful".

"Give her our love will you?" Sandy said, "the pub doesn't seem the same without her in it". Everyone nodded their heads in agreement, even Edna, who, as far as Aaron knew, had never really seen eye to eye with his mother. But he knew that this wasn't hypocrisy he was seeing from these people, it was the spirit of generosity, of pulling together in a crisis. He nodded his head and moved into the back room, where he went about looking for a suitable bag to put the gift in. As he was searching at the back of a cupboard, he heard his phone go from the table. He left it to ring out while he fished out a plastic carrier bag from behind some tinned peaches.

Once he'd placed the knitwear into the bag and put it in his jacket pocket, ready to take with him to the hospital the next day, he picked his phone up . He frowned as he saw that his mum had called, even though she'd told him to go to the party. _'__Typical__'_ he thought as he went to retrieve the voicemail she'd left. No doubt she was calling to check up on him, despite the fact she was the one in hospital. But as he listened to the message, a dreadful feeling of foreboding started to rise within him.

"Aaron...it's...I..."

That was all there was. He could hardly make out the words, her voice sounded strange, strangled. He tried calling her back but there was no response. Then a text message came through:

_"__Can __you __come __to __the __hospital__ now. __Don__'__t __tell __anyone.__ X__"_

He grabbed his jacket and flew out the back door of the pub, running up to the garage to borrow one of the cars. Then he realised he'd had at least four pints at the party, there was no way he could drive. He kicked the door of the garage in frustration and paced through the village, trying to think of the quickest way to get to the hospital without going back into the pub, where he knew he'd face questions.

He was about to ring for a taxi, when he saw one pulling up at the front of the pub. He ran towards it and saw Jimmy and Nicola emerging from the pub and climbing in. Jimmy caught sight of Aaron and guessed exactly what was going on.

"Get in" he said and Aaron jumped into the front.

"Thanks" he told Jimmy, "do you know what's going on?"

"Not a lot, just that Esther's taken a turn for the worse. You?"

Aaron shook his head, "just a text asking me to come straight away".

The rest of the taxi ride was in complete silence as the three of them wondered and worried about what was to come.

When they arrived at the hospital, Jimmy rang Carl, who told him to come to Chas's room, so Aaron led them there. The room was dark again, a small lamp providing the only source of light. Carl was sat in the corner, head bent over, hands pulling at his hair. Jimmy went over and put a hand on his brother's back to tell him he was here. He lifted his head up and acknowledged the new people in the room. Aaron thought he looked green, like he was seasick. He turned to Chas, who was sat up in bed, staring vacantly at her hands as rubbed them together slowly. There were no tears, which surprised him. He broke the silence.

"Mum" he said, but there was no response. He stepped beside her, shook her gently on the shoulder and tried again.

"Mum?"

This time she reacted, but barely. It was like someone had swapped Chas and Carl for two lifelike dolls that could only move very slowly. Doll Chas looked up at Aaron with wide brown eyes, searching his own for some kind of answer. The question, he wasn't sure of.

Nicola spoke next, "What's happened? Is Esther..."

"She's in surgery" Carl answered dully, "inflamed bowel".

"But that's fixable right?" Aaron asked, "Otherwise they wouldn't have tried".

"Yeah" Carl said. Chas just went back to looking at her hands.

"She's going to be fine" Nicola said confidently, "just you see".

"Is that your medical opinion?" asked Carl snidely. Nicola just stared at him in surprise at his outburst. "Sorry" he said, "I just...I can't stand the waiting".

"S'alright" said Nicola, "I'll let you off this once, but don't go making it a habit. Can I get anyone anything? Coffee? Tea?"

Everyone shook their heads. Carl started making an odd mewling noise, which made Nicola jump. Jimmy grabbed his brother by the arm and hauled him to his feet. "Come on, let's go for a walk" he said. Carl allowed himself to be led from the room by Jimmy, with Nicola trailing behind them.

Aaron sat on the chair nearest his mum. She looked deep in thought and he could only imagine what she was thinking. He remembered when Jackson was in hospital and he caught him staring into space, like he was in a trance. He'd ask him what he was thinking about and he'd always answer "things that never were, never are and never will be", which he knew was just a way of getting out of telling him.

"You alright?" he asked her, just to break the silence as he knew she wasn't.

"Me?" she replied, looking at him with those huge eyes again, "yeah, I'm fine love."

He could almost believe that was true, she was very convincing when she wanted to be.

"Tell me about the party. Who was there?"

Aaron indulged his mother and did his best to take her mind off things by being as detailed as possible in his account of the party which, he had no doubt, was still in full swing. He was no orator, but he managed to throw some funny bits in, which made her smile, so he knew she was listening. Pretty soon though, he ran out of things to say, and the room was silent once again. Aaron had never seen his mum so quiet, it was very unnerving. He grabbed her hand and smiled at her and they waited together, hoping for some good news.


	29. Chapter 29

Chapter Twenty Nine

When the doctor came into Chas's room half an hour later, Jimmy had brought Carl back after giving him a pep talk, and everyone was sat around pretending to watch TV. The atmosphere was tense and everyone turned their heads quickly towards the doctor hoping for good news. But they were to be disappointed. The doctor told them that Esther's bowel was perforated and there was nothing more they could do for her. She was still alive, but within the next hour, her little body would start to shut down.

"We'll bring her down shortly so you can hold her and say goodbye" the doctor told them, "I'm so sorry we couldn't do anything more for her". She hated giving bad news like this, especially when the medical staff had been so hopeful that Esther would survive. She left the room with tears in her eyes.

Everyone sat in silence for a minute, letting the news sink in. Nicola was already in bits, tears rolling down her face, trying to hold it together the best she could because she knew this wasn't about her. Jimmy pulled his brother into a hug as Carl broke down and sobbed. He had begun to believe that Esther was going to be okay, she'd developed so fast, and fought so hard. He'd started to picture himself in the future, taking her home from the hospital, being there for her and doing things with her that he'd missed with Thomas and Anya. And in these mental images, Chas was by his side, and they were all happy and content. Now, these pictures were crumbling to dust and he was back to having nothing and no one. He wasn't sure if he could handle it.

Aaron was worried about his mum. She hadn't reacted to the news, she was just staring in front of her, unmoving, like a statue. He was expecting tears, he could feel his own welling up. He was gutted that his little sister wasn't going to make it. It wasn't fair that someone so small, so innocent should die. He couldn't even imagine how hard this was for his mum – she hadn't even seen her daughter in the flesh and the first time she was going to meet her was to say goodbye. He bowed his head, wiped his tears and listened to Carl's soft sobbing. Then he felt a hand stroking his hair gently and he lifted his head to see it was his mum, looking at him with concern, comforting him by stroking his head. Why was she so concerned about him when it was her that was losing her daughter? He decided to let her carry on though, maybe being able to comfort him was making her feel useful. And he found it soothing.

The door opened again and the doctor came in with a little bundle in her arms. Carl stood and took Esther from her, "is she in any pain?" he asked with a shaky voice.

"No. We've given her enough medication to keep her pain-free. She may wake up for a short spell, but soon she'll start to drift away, like she's going to sleep. I'll leave you alone."

The doctor left and Carl kissed Esther on the cheek and passed her to Nicola, speaking softly as he did, "this is your Auntie Nicola. She pretends to be a dragon, but she's as soft as marshmallows really."

Nicola took the little creature, all wrapped up in a blanket. There were no tubes anymore, and the hat had gone. She stroked her black hair, it was so fine and downy, like velvet. Esther's eyes remained shut, but Nicola could see her mouth moving, like she was pouting in her sleep. "Hi Esther" she said quietly, "I know that Angelica would have loved a little cousin to play with. I'm going to tell her all about you and make sure she knows that you'll be looking down at her from heaven. I'll make sure she knows how lucky she is every day to be alive."

She gave her a kiss and passed her to Jimmy. "Hi Esther," he said, following his wife's lead, "I'm your Uncle Jimmy and I'm so sorry that I'll never get to see you grow up. I have a feeling you'd be trouble, but that we'd all find it hard not to love you anyway. I hope you're going to a better place, where your Granddads Tom and Shadrach and your Uncles Matt and Max will look after you. Sweet dreams, Princess". He kissed her and passed her back to Carl. Nicola gave Carl a kiss on the cheek as Jimmy patted him on the shoulder. "We'll see you outside mate" Jimmy said and they left the room to give the others some time alone with Esther.

Carl brought Esther over and offered her to Chas, who looked suddenly terrified. She shook her head quickly, making Carl and Aaron frown. Aaron took her instead and as Carl passed her over, their eyes met, and they shared a moment where they saw hurt and loss and worry reflected in each other's eyes. It shocked them both that after so many years of hating each other, Carl King and Aaron Livesy could share such a basic understanding, such a primal fear.

Carl knew what he had to do, knew that he had to trust Aaron to help his mum, because he no longer had her trust. So he excused himself from the room with a "back in a minute" and hoped that Aaron could get through to Chas.

When Carl had left the room, Aaron spoke to Esther, making sure that Chas was listening too. "Hi," he said, "I'm Aaron. I'm your big brother. And I would have tried to be the best big brother ever. Because I love you, you little frog. Thank you for gracing us with your presence, even though it's not been for long enough. But there's one person you've not met before, and she's the most important person of all. Because you only get one mum, and as mums go, she's pretty cool."

Aaron passed Esther across to Chas, and this time she took her. She still looked scared, and handled her like she was made of glass. She lay her down on her lap so that she was facing her and she stroked her cheek with her finger. Esther opened her eyes and looked straight at Chas, causing her to gasp in surprise. Her eyes were dark, almost black, just like hers. Esther frowned slightly and flailed one of her hands out of the blanket, latching onto Chas's little finger. Her grip was so strong, Chas could barely believe this was it. But she'd known from the beginning that this was going to happen. She knew that she didn't deserve a second chance to be a mother, and she'd been trying to steel herself for this moment all week.

Esther pulled Chas's finger towards her mouth and started suckling on it, closing her eyes in contentment. It was as if she somehow knew she was finally with her mother, that she was safe. Chas smiled and pulled her closer to her, whispering softly to her. Aaron couldn't hear everything she said, just odd words, but they didn't allay his fears about his mum's state of mind. More than once she whispered "sorry" and Aaron knew that she was still tormenting herself with guilt. But Carl returned before he could say anything.

He smiled to see that Chas was holding Esther, and that they seemed to be bonding. He sat close to the bed and stroked his daughter's hair. The four of them stayed like that for another twenty minutes, Aaron watching as the two parents held their daughter, stroked her, kissed her, until she stopped sucking on Chas's finger. She opened her little eyes one last time, took a final breath and then she was still.

Aaron stood and kissed her on the forehead, whispered "sleep tight" and then sat back down and wiped his eyes again. Chas, still yet to cry, followed suit by kissing her daughter's forehead and then passing her over to Carl, who was trying to hold back his sobs. He also kissed her in the same place, then stood and took Esther out of the room, to find the doctor.

When he'd left the room, Aaron turned to Chas, "I'm so sorry Mum" he said.

"Not your fault, sweetheart" she told him.

"It's not yours either, you know?" he tried to tell her, but she didn't acknowledge it.

"You'd better get off home" she said, "the party'll be over by now".

"No, I'll stay, it's fine" Aaron protested, but Chas shook her head.

"Thanks Kid, but I'm exhausted, I'm gonna go to sleep. Thank you for coming in and being here with me, I really appreciate it. Now go home and get some kip yourself and I'll see you in the morning."

Aaron nodded. He stood and gave his mum a peck on the cheek and a big a hug as he could, being careful not to squash her. "I do love you, you know?" he whispered in her ear.

"Love you too" she whispered back.

Aaron left the hospital with a heavy heart. When he arrived back at the pub, he could see the remnants of the party still scattered all over the place. He got to the back room and sat on the couch with a huge sigh. He put his hand in his jacket pocket and pulled out the carrier bag with the knitted items Betty had given him before. As he turned the little babygro over in his hands, he could no longer hold back the tears and he buried his face in it and cried - for himself, for his sister and for his mum.


	30. Chapter 30

Can't believe I've got to thirty chapters! Still enjoying writing this, thanks for your lovely comments x

Chapter Thirty

Aaron woke up a few hours later, still on the sofa, to the sound of banging on the back door of the pub, and Diane running down the stairs in her dressing gown shouting, "Alright! I'm coming! I'm coming!"

Aaron jumped up and followed her in case she needed help with whoever was at the door. To their surprise, it was Cain who pushed through as soon as it was opened. He had a face like thunder.

"Don't mind me, it's only four o' clock in the morning" Diane said haughtily, "what's going on?"

Cain stormed into the back room, followed by Aaron and Diane. "Why aren't you answering your phone?" he asked Aaron.

Aaron picked his phone up off the table. "It's on silent" he said, seeing he had twelve missed calls from Cain and five from a Hotten number he didn't recognise "what's going on?".

"Chas has gone" Cain said. He was pacing around the room, he couldn't keep still.

"You what?" Aaron said, he couldn't process what his uncle was saying.

"What do you mean, gone?" Diane said, having the same problem.

"I mean, she's not in her bed, she's not in the hospital, they can't find her. They've been calling you apparently but they've had no answer so they called me."

Aaron sank into the sofa and put his head in his hands, "I knew I shouldn't have left her on her own" he said.

"Is that where you disappeared off to last night Pet, to see your mam?" Diane asked concerned. He nodded his head, wondering if the hospital had told Cain everything that had happened.

"Did you have a row or summat?". Obviously they hadn't.

Aaron looked up. "No, we didn't argue. But something did happen."

"What?" Cain pushed.

Aaron didn't want to say it but he knew he had to. "Esther...she took a turn for the worse and...they couldn't do owt..."

Diane sank down next to Aaron and put her hand on his shoulder, "oh pet..."

Cain became still all of a sudden, as if all his energy had left him at once, "she's dead?" he asked dumbly.

Aaron nodded, "I wanted to call you, but Mum said to let you all enjoy the party...that there was nothing anyone could do. She blames herself, and I wanted to stay with her, but she told me to go home, she said she was going to sleep..."

"It's not your fault," Diane said, rubbing his shoulder, "we'll sort this out. I'll drive you both to the hospital, neither of you is fit to drive, and we'll go from there".

"What if she comes here?" Cain asked.

"I'll get Victoria up, she can keep a lookout. Probably a good idea to ring Charity and Lisa and Debbie and get them to keep a watch for her at their houses too."

Both men went along with Diane, happy to let her make a plan as they were both struggling to think straight. She rushed upstairs, explained things to Victoria, got dressed and ran back downstairs, all within ten minutes. Aaron had managed to call Lisa and Debbie and tell them what was going on. Cain was still on the phone to Charity.

"No...because I said no. Just stay there and call us if she turns up. What can you do that we can't?...Fine. Right, fine, bye." Cain huffed as he disconnected the call, "we're picking up Charity on the way, she's insisting on coming".

Half an hour later they were in the hospital, listening to the Head Midwife.

"We gave her some extra pain meds and sedatives at about one. She shouldn't have been able to stay awake, least of all get up out of bed and wander around. She should have been asleep for another four hours at least."

"Well she isn't is she?" Cain fumed, "so how about you tell me how she's managed to walk out of the hospital without anyone seeing her?"

"Her gown and bedsocks were on her bed so she must have got changed. The extra pain medication probably allowed her to move more easily, but when it wears off, she's going to be in agony. I'm really sorry Mr Dingle, we just don't know how this has happened. We've got a skeleton staff on, with it being a night shift and we've had two emergencies come in..."

Aaron stopped her, he could see the woman was genuinely mortified about the situation "have you called the police?" he asked.

The nurse looked at Cain, who answered for her, "I told her not to, I don't want the rozzers out looking for her. We'll do a better job than them anyway".

Charity agreed "yeah, he's right. They'd probably arrest her on sight for being a Dingle anyway".

Meanwhile, Diane was looking through the bag she'd packed for Chas a few days ago to see what was missing. "Right," she told everyone, "from what I can tell, she'll be wearing some grey joggers, a white top, black cardy and those slipper boot things she wears around the house."

"She'll be freezing" Charity said, "it's brass monkeys out there".

"This still isn't helping us figure out where she'll have gone" Aaron said in frustration, "she could be wandering around Hotten, freezing cold, with no money and nowhere to go."

"If she's still in Hotten, there's plenty of places she might have gone, this is her old stomping ground after all" said Cain.

"Right," Charity agreed, "so me and you are gonna go to all the old haunts and Diane and Aaron can drive round all the roads near the hospital, check parks and bus stops and anywhere else she could be hiding"

"You don't think she's done anything stupid do you?" Aaron asked.

"No love," Diane said, "your mum would never do anything like that. She's gonna be fine, we just need to find her".

The nurse, who was listening quietly in the corner added, "if, when you find her, she needs help to get back here, just call my mobile and I'll have a paramedic team on standby" she gave Diane and Cain a piece of paper each with her number scrawled on it, "if she comes back I'll let you know and I've put out a call for all local paramedics to keep an eye out for her".

The group split into pairs and went their separate ways. Diane and Aaron drove around the area, stopping and looking in every night cafe, every park and playground they came across, with no luck. Cain and Charity got a taxi to the centre of Hotten, where all the pubs, clubs and snooker halls were.

"Jesus" Charity exclaimed, "it's like walking back in time, nothing's changed here".

"Hey," returned Cain, "I still go to some of these places".

"Please tell me you're kidding me?"

But all she got in return was an enigmatic smile from her ex. It was strange that they were doing this together with a minimum of fuss. There was a time a month or so back that their relationship was nearly wrecked forever. Cain's resentment of Charity's relationship with Jai was growing worse and worse, he was like a ticking bomb. But then Charity and Jai eloped and got married in Rome. Cain knew there was nothing else he could do, and realised he could either try to get over it for Debbie and Sarah's sake, or sink into a pit of despair. Thankfully, he chose the former, and they were now able to be civil to each other. As civil as they ever were anyway.

But, even if they were still at each other's throats, Charity liked to think that they still would have pulled together to help Chas. She was like a little sister to Charity, and Cain loved her with all his heart. She hoped they could find her before anything else bad happened. She couldn't believe that while everyone was getting drunk and celebrating Sarah's chance at getting better, her saviour was breathing her last breath on earth. And Chas was somewhere out there, on her own, having just lost her daughter.

Cain looked over at Charity and knew what she was thinking, because he was thinking the same. He wanted to hold her hand and reassure her that everything would be fine, but he knew that wasn't his job anymore. Instead, he pointed towards a bar with a blue neon sign swinging over the door which read 'Belle Bar'. "Could try in there?" he suggested.

"Why would she be in there?" Charity asked, turning her nose up.

"Cos before it was the Belle Bar, it was Passions, before it was Passions it was Phoenix, and before Phoenix it was..."

"Obsessions. Wow, you really know your history of seedy Hotten Strip joints don't you?" Charity quipped. She'd forgotten Chas had worked there, many moons ago.

They both walked up the high street to the bar. There was a bouncer stood on the door, skinhead, built like a wrestler, but, Cain knew, as thick as two short planks.

"Hiya Reg," he said as he reached him, "how's it going?"

Reg looked up and was surprised to see such an old face at his door, "Cain Dingle, as I live and breathe, not seen you for a while. Thought you were in France."

"Spain. I'm back now. Listen, Reg..."

"Bit of a coincidence."

"What?"

"Well this."

Cain was losing patience with the bloke. "What, Reg? What's a coincidence?"

"Well, you turning up here out of the blue the same night Your Chastity comes in. Not seen her for, what? Ten? Fifteen years?"

Cain and Charity looked at each other in excitement. "Is she here now?" Charity asked.

"Not sure love, I've been on my break. Could be."

"Can we go in and check?" Cain asked. Reg nodded and opened the door for them.

"You'll have to pay though mate, it's only ladies that get in free".

Cain handed a tenner to the lady on the door and they both rushed in and looked around the club. Every little nook and cranny, every hidden away little cubby hole, they annoyed several 'gentlemen' as they barged in on their 'private meetings' but they didn't find Chas. They met back up at the bar having checked the toilets. A barman came over and asked what they wanted to drink.

Charity shook her head at him. "No mate, we're looking for someone, a woman..."

"Aren't we all" joked the barman.

"She's a bit taller than me, dark hair, dark eyes, white top, grey joggers and a black cardy. You seen her?"

The barman nodded, "yeah, she was in here a couple of hours ago. She looked half-cut, she was swaying about, but Reg said she was okay so I served her. She only wanted tap water anyway. It was a bit weird, she sat in a cubicle over there, watched a few dances, then left again. Did she really used to dance here? Because she must've let herself go since then, she looked dog rough".

Cain grabbed the guy by his collar and pulled him towards him so he was hanging over the bar, "that's my sister," he growled, "and you're a complete idiot". Charity pulled Cain's arm and made him let go of the terrified barman.

"Come on, we've not got time for this. At least we know she was here. Let's go."

Cain sighed and followed Charity back out of the club.

"Any luck?" asked Reg.

"She's gone" replied Cain.

"Did she say anything to you? Anything significant?" asked Charity, but Reg just shook his head.

As they were about to leave, another bouncer came around the corner of the building, throwing a cigarette on the floor. Reg shouted to him, "Hey, Jay. Did you notice Chastity leaving? You know, the bird in the trackie bottoms?"

Jay nodded and laughed as he walked towards them, "yeah, she was proper drunk. I asked her if she was alright getting home. She asked to borrow a pound, cheeky cow, but I knew she was an old mate of yours so I gave her a fiver. She mumbled summat like 'home sweet home' and went off in that direction" he pointed to his left, "saw her getting on a number 19".

Cain and Charity thanked them and ran up towards the bus stop. It'd been a long time since either of them had got a bus in Hotten, but they both had an inkling, a vague memory of where the 19 bus would take them and they were both hoping they were wrong. Alas, when they looked at the timetable at the stop, it was written, clear as day, **'****19**** – ****terminates ****at ****Norse ****Grange****'**.


	31. Chapter 31

A bit more insight into Cain and Chas's past. Happy Christmas to anyone reading x x x

Chapter Thirty One

Aaron and Diane were fed up. They'd been all around the roads near the hospital and found nothing. They'd only seen three people, it was too cold for any sane person to be wandering around in the middle of the night. Aaron had just got back into the car after checking in a pizza shop.

"Anything?" Diane asked. Aaron just shook his head. She started the car again and pulled out onto the road. "You know," Diane said, "between you and your mum, I think I might have worried about ten years off my life this past year".

Aaron nodded, "I half think this could be her way of getting back at me for what I put her through"

Diane laughed, "No pet, but at least now you know how worried about you she was when you were going through your troubles"

"Why has she done this though? Why's she run away? That's my trick"

"I don't know. You're right, she's not one to run away, Chas tends to face up to her problems. Well, square up is a more fitting description. But she's had more than a few knocks lately and she's probably not thinking straight".

That's what Aaron was afraid of. He knew what could happen when you feel alone and you're not thinking straight. His phone beeped and he looked at his text and frowned. Diane looked over.

"Anything?"

"Message from Cain. She got on a bus towards Norse Grange. He said to meet them at the Mainwood Estate in ten".

"Okay, do you know how to get there? I don't know Hotten too well"

"Yeah, I can show you, although I don't know why she'd be heading for that dive, it's one of the worst estates in Yorkshire"

"I thought I recognised the name – it was in the paper the other week" Diane said as she followed the main road. Her worry was growing more and more but she tried to hide this from Aaron.

"Right at the roundabout. It's full of druggies and scallys. The McFarlanes used to send me on runs down there all the time".

The rest of the journey was silent, apart from Aaron's directions, as they both processed this information and hoped that Cain and Charity were wrong about Chas being there. When they arrived, they saw Cain helping Charity out of a taxi. Diane parked up and they all met outside a dirty tower block that looked like it should have been demolished twenty years ago. There was dog dirt and litter everywhere, and most of the street lamps had gone out. On the front of the building, above a door with a broken entry lock, a sign read,_ 'Welcome to Shellbourne House'_. Or it would have, if someone hadn't scribbled most of the letters out – now it read, **'Welcome to hell'**. Aaron found it apt.

"Why are we here?" he asked.

"She was seen getting on a bus towards Norse Grange" Charity told him, "apparently, she was really drunk, swaying about. Someone heard her saying something about 'home sweet home'..."

"So?" Aaron still didn't understand, "she'll be heading towards Emmerdale then surely?"

Cain shrugged his shoulders, "I don't know why, but I think she's come back here. This was her home...our home...for years"

Aaron and Diane's mouths fell open in surprise. They both knew Cain and Chas grew up in Hotten, they even knew they weren't exactly well off. But this...

Cain was annoyed by their reaction. He had always been touchy about growing up on the Mainwood Estate, he'd hated living there and resented Shadrach Dingle for not even trying to get them out of it. "It wasn't as bad as this when we were here" he tried to defend, but Charity snorted her disagreement. He scowled at her, "let's just see if she's here shall we?" He led the way into the building and went to the lifts. Both broken. Typical.

"We'll take the stairs" he said and he and Charity showed Diane and Aaron which way to go. For the latter two it was like walking into some horrific version of Willy Wonka's chocolate factory, where cigarette butts and used syringes littered the floor, everything had its own special vile stink, and you stuck to all the surfaces. For Cain and Charity it was déjà vu – walking those corridors again after so many years, after both of them had sworn to themselves that they'd never go back to that life. If they weren't so worried about Chas, they'd both happily have killed her for making them return to this awful place.

"What floor did you live on?" Diane asked quietly, as if speaking too loudly would cause an army of drug addicts to swarm down upon them.

"Fourteen" Charity replied. They all looked up the middle of the staircase to see an endless stretch of steps before them and gave a collective sigh. As they started to climb, something occurred to Aaron.

"How can she be drunk? She had no money?" he asked.

Cain and Charity had already discussed this, "She might have bumped into an old friend who bought her drinks. Other than that, we've no idea" Cain said.

They carried on climbing in silence until, out of breath, they all finally reached the fourteenth floor. And sat on the top of the steps, leaning against the wall of the stairwell, was Chas. Her head was lolling around and her eyes were closed, but her hair was tied back so they knew it was definitely her. She had her cardigan wrapped tightly around herself and she was shivering.

"Chas! Oh thank God!" Diane cried, relieved to see her.

Cain ran the last few steps. He took his jacket off to give to his sister. He bent down next to her and shook her shoulder. She nearly jumped out of her skin as her head shot up and she looked straight at him.

"Cain" she slurred, "I've lost me keys. I can't get in. I don't think Shadrach's in, I tried knocking"

Cain hated seeing Chas like this, it wasn't right. He tried to put his jacket on her, saying, "you look cold Our Kid, put this on".

But she batted his hands away. "Get off me. I don't want it" she started to shout.

When she moved her arms, her cardigan opened slightly and Diane thought she saw a flash of red. She started up the stairs, slowly and calmly so that she didn't scare her. "Ssh pet, you'll wake the neighbours shouting like that" she told Chas as she sat down next to her.

Chas stopped and stared at Diane as if she was a rare creature. As Diane got closer, she could see that, despite shivering, Chas was sweating profusely. She ignored the wild eyes staring at her and reached out to put a cold hand against Chas's forehead. It was red hot.

"She's burning up" she said to the others, "I don't think she's drunk, I think she's delirious. Charity, ring the nurse and get an ambulance sent. Aaron, go back to my car and get a couple of bottles of water and the first aid kit from the boot". She passed Aaron her car keys and they both sprung into action. Cain sat dumbly next to his sister and watched as Diane pulled her cardigan away to reveal a top soaked with blood. Chas was still staring at Diane.

"Chas pet, are you in pain?" Diane asked, trying to get Chas to focus on something.

She nodded, "my fault though" she slurred and looked down, "everything's gone".

"Not everything" Diane said, although she knew there was no point in trying to reason with her whilst she was delirious, "you've still got Aaron, and me – for your sins ..."

Cain finally found his voice, "and me" he said, holding her hand. She turned to look at him, brown eyes meeting brown eyes – the last time that had happened, the other eyes had been Esther's and she'd felt so much anguish.

"Cain, please don't let them take me back there. I can't do it. The crying, it never ends. Please promise me I don't have to go back there"

Cain looked at Diane, unsure of what to say. He didn't really know what she was asking him. Diane just nodded at him, encouraging him, so he looked back into his sister's pleading eyes and said firmly, "you don't have to go anywhere you don't want to Sis. They'll have to go through me first. I'm not letting you out of my sight, I promise".

Chas seemed to relax a bit at this, she looked back at Diane, who was trying to decide whether to wait for the ambulance or try to do a bit of first aid in the meantime, as the blood was soaking through Chas's top quite quickly. Charity came back up the stairs from the floor below where she'd been on the phone.

"Right," she said, "ambulance is on its way but it might be a little while as there's been some sort of fiery explosion the other side of town. The nurse said to keep her hydrated and not to overheat her if she's got a fever. I've texted Lisa and Debs, told them we'd found her, and we'd let them know what's going on when we do".

As Charity spoke, Chas had slowly turned her head to stare at her, battling through the fog of delirium to figure out what she was saying, but she couldn't concentrate. Over the last couple of hours, the drugs had started to wear off and now she was in agony. The slightest move, the smallest breath caused a searing pain to shoot through her abdomen. Her whole front felt like it was on fire and she couldn't remember why. Had Charity been there the whole time? Why was she staring at her like that? Was she late for something?

Charity saw Chas trying to focus on her, but her eyes kept rolling back and she kept scrunching her face up in pain. She could hear Aaron running up the stairs, _"rather him than me"_ she thought as she'd only just recovered from the walk. Diane went to lift Chas's top up, but Chas batted her hands away and then cried out in pain at the movement.

"Listen Love," Diane spoke clearly and loudly, making sure Chas was looking at her, "I need to have a look at your tummy. I know it's hurting, but we need to change your dressings and try to stop you bleeding any more. Will you let me have a look? I'll be as gentle as I can, I promise".

Chas knew she could trust Diane, even her fever brain knew Diane would never hurt her. So she nodded and took her hands away from her stomach. Diane pulled her top up to reveal a mass of blood-soaked dressings, half stuck down with tape. She started to pull one of the dressings off and Chas whimpered.

"Do you have to do this?" Cain asked as he grabbed Chas's hand again.

Diane nodded, "I think she's pulled her stitches, she needs new dressings. I'm being as careful as I can".

Cain acknowledged this and bent his head to Chas's ear, "squeeze my hand if it hurts, but break it and there'll be trouble" he joked. He wasn't sure if Chas had heard until Diane pulled a large bit of tape off and she squeezed his hand so tight it took his breath away.

As Diane worked, Chas let out the occasional whimper and Diane would murmur to her, "I know pet, nearly done". Aaron had made it up the stairs and breathlessly passed the first aid kit and bottles of water to Diane. Diane opened a bottle and passed it to Cain, "help her to drink as much as she can" she said, then went back to removing the last bits of dressing.

Chas drank greedily from the bottle with Cain's help, still holding tightly to his free hand. She was very thirsty, she felt like her mouth was made of cotton wool. She downed the whole bottle in one. Diane let her get her breath back and then peeled away the last long bit of dressing. Everyone sucked in air in shared sympathy when they saw Chas's wound. A jagged line ran from her chest right down to her hip. It was red raw and there were bits where it had pulled apart and was oozing blood.

"Oh love," Diane whispered. She opened the first aid kit and took out all of the dressing pads. She handed a couple each to Charity and Aaron to open, and opened three herself.

Cain looked at his sister in shock, she was so thin – he could see every rib, her stomach was concave, and now her pale flesh had been slashed right down the middle. He knew this was going to hurt Chas as Diane was going to have to press down on her to stop the bleeding. "Should she not lie down for this?" he asked.

Diane could slap herself silly – of course she should be lying down. "Yes" she replied quickly, "good point".

Cain laid his jacket on the floor and they helped Chas to lie down and rest her head on it. There was no resistance, she was lost in a sea of pain and delirium. Diane pressed the pads down on the wound as softly as she could, but to Chas it felt like someone was scraping hot pokers down her front. That's when she realised where she was – she was in hell. "I'm sorry" she moaned, "I'm really sorry, please stop... I just want to go home..."

Diane hated doing this, hated causing more pain for the girl, but she knew Chas didn't really know what she was saying. She patted the last dressing down as gently as possible and carried on talking to her like a mother would to a small child, "there there, all done now" she said, "you're alright pet, you're alright". She smoothed the loose bits of Chas's hair back from her head – she was still burning hot. She turned to look at Aaron and Charity, both stood half way up the stairs, staring trance-like at Chas.

"Let me see your hands" she told them, stirring them from whatever spell they were under. They lifted their hands up to show her, like two naughty children being inspected by their mother for dirt. Aaron was wearing gloves, Charity wasn't. Diane got up and indicated for Charity to take her place. "My hands are all hot and sweaty now, just put yours on her face, try to cool her down a bit".

Charity nodded and did as she was told. She was well out of her comfort zone here, she didn't have the first clue about first aid or anything like that. She sat next to her cousin and put one cold hand on her forehead and one on the back of her neck – she'd read somewhere that was good. It seemed to help because Chas stopped murmuring. Charity looked over at Cain who was still holding Chas's hand, he looked shell-shocked, desperate. She was glad they'd found her when they had. She heard sirens approaching and bent down to whisper in Chas's ear, "help's here now little cousin. And we're not gonna leave you on your own again".


	32. Chapter 32

Chapter Thirty Two

The paramedics pumped Chas full of painkillers and loaded her onto the rig in no time, and Cain, Charity and Aaron all insisted on riding with her. Diane said she'd head back to the village if she was no longer needed – she had to get some sleep before opening time. They all thanked her profusely and jumped into the back of the ambulance; to the chagrin of the paramedic who had said only one was allowed to ride with them.

At the hospital's A&E department, Chas was given drugs to bring her fever down and fight whatever infection she may have caught. Her wound was irrigated, re-sewn and re-dressed and she was given some super strong sedatives to make sure she stayed asleep this time. Not that they needed to worry, she now had three bodyguards who refused to leave her side until she woke up again.

Bodyguard number one, otherwise known as Cain Dingle, was currently having a stand up row with a porter, who was trying to take Chas back up to maternity.

"I'm just following orders mate" the frustrated orderly was saying for the seventh time.

"We're not in Nuremberg now, and I'm not your mate" Cain said. The porter looked at him blankly – he looked about twelve to Cain, 'probably not done that bit in history yet' he thought to himself. He tried again to make his stance clear, "you are not taking her to maternity. She doesn't want to be there."

A doctor came over to see what the fuss was. "Can I help?" he asked Cain.

"Yeah, you can tell this idiot he's not taking my sister anywhere near the maternity ward" Cain spat.

The doctor walked over to Chas's bed and looked through her chart. His eyebrows got further and further up his forehead as he read the patient's history. He could see that this case was not clear cut.

"It would be normal practice to send her back to the maternity ward since she is still postpartum..."

Cain jumped in, he was sick of nobody listening to him. "She has just lost her kid. Her baby has just died and you want her to go and lie in a bed and listen to twenty-odd crying babies all day and night?"

The doctor shook his head and held up his hand, "no, you misunderstand me. If you'd let me finish, I was going to say, this is a special case and I agree, it wouldn't be beneficial for her to be taken back to the maternity ward. I'll ring up to general surgery and call in a few favours. See if we can find her a nice private room on one of their wards".

Now it was Cain's eyebrows turn to journey north. He was relieved to have finally found someone who understood. He was starting to think he'd have to go back on his promise to Chas. "Thanks" he said, and shook the doctor's hand.

The doctor managed to get Chas a private room on the proviso that only one person was to stay with her overnight. After much arguing between them, Charity finally managed to talk Cain and Aaron into going home and letting her be the one to stay, assuring them that what Chas needed was a female ear when she woke up.

At Mill Cottage, unaware of the drama that had been unfolding since he'd left the hospital hours ago, Carl was sat in his living room nursing his seventh glass of whisky. The first rays of daytime were starting to seep through the blinds and he could hear the early morning stirrings of wildlife outside the window. Jimmy came stumbling downstairs with pinched eyes and a confused look on his face. He'd just got Angelica back to sleep and had come down for a glass of water before going back to bed, when he noticed his little brother sat on the sofa, staring into the middle distance.

"Have you not been to bed?" he asked Carl as he settled into the armchair. It was a silly question as Carl was still wearing the clothes from the day before.

"Wouldn't be able to sleep anyway" Carl slurred.

Jimmy sighed, this was an awful situation, he couldn't imagine what Carl was feeling, and he didn't know how to help him. They sat in silence for what seemed to Jimmy like forever.

"Serves me right really" Carl started talking out of the blue.

"What does?"

"Well, I started to feel again. Started to hope. Shouldn't have. It was never gonna turn out how I wanted it".

"And how did you want it?" Jimmy asked, knowing the answer, but also knowing that his brother needed to get things off his chest.

"Me and Chas back together, Esther healthy and happy, all of us living here together. I keep having the same dream, every night for the last few nights, where Esther is one and a half, just started toddling around and she's all dressed up in her best togs with a yellow ribbon in her hair. I pick her up and take her outside, where there's a big party going on in the garden, because me and Chas have finally got married. And everyone's happy for us. Then we find Chas, looking beautiful in a long yellow and red sun dress, and she takes me by the hand and leads us – me and Esther – to a spot at the bottom of the garden where there's no one else. And she says "you'd better work on your arm muscles Carl King, because in another seven months you'll have two to carry around". And it's heaven Jimmy, I can't even describe it. I pass Esther to her, then pick them both up and spin them round and round and we're all laughing with pure joy.

"And I've woken each morning, missing that feeling, but thinking _'maybe'_, knowing that if I work hard enough to be a good dad and say the right things to Chas, perhaps, one day it could come true. But now, there's no hope. Esther's gone. She didn't even make it a week. I don't want to go to sleep, because I don't want that dream again. It's too much Jimmy, it's too much..."

Carl started crying again and Jimmy crossed over to the sofa and hugged his little brother, letting him sob until he fell into a tortured sleep. He covered him with a throw, took away the whisky and put a pint of water on the table for when he woke up. Then he went back upstairs to his wife and counted his blessings as he went back to sleep himself.


	33. Chapter 33

Hi guys, happy New Year! Thanks for the nice comments – I'm not on twitter though I'm afraid.

Hope you enjoy the next chapter x x

Chapter Thirty Three

Chas woke up with a headache, like she had a really bad hangover. For a few seconds, before she opened her eyes, she thought she was in her bedroom in The Woolpack, waking up to another day of village life. She went to stretch her arms and felt a burning sensation across her front. Her eyes flew open and she was brought back to reality with a sharp shock. Hospital. Pain. Loss.

She looked down and saw a blonde head leaning on the bed beside her. Charity. What was she doing here? She could feel that her leg had been put back in a splint. She looked around her and realised she wasn't in her usual room, this one was larger and brighter, with the TV in a different place. And she could no longer hear the constant crying of babies. She felt like she should know where she was, like something big had happened and she couldn't remember what. She put her hand out and gently tapped Charity on the head until she stirred.

Charity felt something on the back of her head. As she fell from her sleep world back into reality, she lifted her head to see a confused Chas squinting at her. She rubbed her eyes, then stretched back in her chair, running her hands through her knotty hair.

"Morning sunshine" she said, smiling at Chas, who was still squinting at her, "how you feeling?"

Chas tried to talk, but her throat was dry and she started coughing instead. The motion pulled at her stitches and she felt the burning again, but she couldn't stop coughing. Charity stood and poured her some water, which she took gratefully and swallowed down as soon as she could.

"Cheers" she croaked, "And to answer your question, I feel like I've been out drinking all night, me head's banging. What's going on Charity? Where am I?"

Charity didn't know how much of the previous night's events Chas would remember, and she wasn't sure where to start.

"You're on the general surgery ward; do you not remember what happened last night?"

Chas tried to rack her brain, but her head hurt so much. She saw that she was linked up to an IV drip again. Where was all her stuff? She tried to think of the last solid thing she could remember. Aaron was there, and Carl, and...

"Esther...she..." she couldn't say it, but Charity knew what she was remembering. She held her hand and nodded her head.

"I know Babe. I'm so..."

"Don't" Chas interrupted. She didn't want sympathy. She didn't deserve it. Charity decided not to push her for now.

"Do you remember what happened after?" she asked.

Chas talked through what she remembered, "Aaron left and a nurse came in and said she was gonna give me summat extra for the pain and summat to help me sleep. I didn't argue. And then... I had this mad dream"

Charity went along with this as she wanted to know what was going through Chas's mind whilst she was on her crazy, fever-induced adventure, "what were you dreaming?"

"There was a baby crying really loudly, over and over again. And I couldn't see it, it was just in my head, like it was there to torture me. And my room wasn't my room anymore, I was in a prison, and I knew I needed to escape, so I snuck out when the guards weren't looking and legged it. Then I was trying to get home, but I couldn't remember the way. Then I was in Obsessions, and I was watching myself dance, but I could still hear that baby crying, and I knew I needed to get home, but when I got there, it wasn't Emmerdale, I was back at Smellbourne House and I didn't have my key. Then..." she tried to remember the rest, but it was too hazy, she could just remember faces, "Diane and Cain and you and Aaron were there, and you were all dressed like angels. And the crying stopped, so I went to sleep."

Charity couldn't believe what an imagination her cousin had. She was about to explain that Chas's dream was more real than she realised when the door was pushed open and the head midwife came bustling into the room with Chas's bag.

"Morning Chas" she said, in a cheerful manner. She put the bag down on a chair and turned to them, wagging her finger as she pretending to scold Chas, but it was clear that it was in good humour. "I hope you're happy with yourself young lady, you had us all worried half the night with your little adventure. You should have just said if you wanted transferring to another ward, we wouldn't have held you hostage. Now I've packed your bag up and I've sent all your notes down, but I'll still be visiting you at least twice a day until you're discharged, hope that's okay?" she didn't wait for an answer, "good. See you soon then Pet."

And out of the door she bustled, leaving Chas slack-jawed with surprise and Charity cringing at having to explain what she'd been talking about.

Chas found her voice first, "please tell me this is a wind-up?"

Charity just shook her head.

"I've been out of the hospital?"

Charity nodded.

"And my dream...? Oh Christ, please don't tell me I've been wandering around Hotten in a hospital gown and bedsocks?"

Charity wanted to burst out laughing at the look of pure horror on Chas's face, but she held it together and explained as best as she could what had happened the previous night. Chas just sat there dumbfounded as she listened to the story.

"How come I can't remember all this?" she asked once Charity had finished.

"You've got an infection; you had a really high fever so we think you were hallucinating for most of it. Explains your weird dream."

"And I really ended up in Shellbourne?" Charity nodded, "And Aaron and Diane saw it?"

Charity knew that Chas was feeling the same shame and embarrassment that Cain had shown when they were at their old home. She nodded again, "'fraid so Kid. It's still as beautiful as ever that place. Thanks for taking us on a trip down that particular memory lane" she teased. Chas looked guilty and Charity immediately regretted saying that. "I'm only messing – I'm just glad we found you, anything could've happened to you round there".

"Well, thanks for finding me then" Chas said although she didn't look too bothered about what could have happened, "and sorry".

"No need to apologise, you didn't know what was going on, you were properly out of it" Charity told her, "I don't understand how you were walking about with that" she said nodding to her torso, indicating her wound, "looks proper nasty, you must have been in loads of pain even with the drugs".

Chas pulled her covers up as if she felt suddenly naked, despite having new dressings, a hospital gown and bedclothes covering her up. "You saw it then" she said quietly, resigned to the fact that she'd yet again made a complete idiot of herself.

"Yeah" Charity said, kicking herself again for her big mouth.

"Apparently, there's a tribe in Africa that puts scars on the abdomens of women that are willing to become mothers"

Charity frowned "Bit of a random fact, how do you know that?"

"My surgeon told me when I first came round. I think she thought it'd be comforting or summat. It's just ironic now though isn't it?"

"Chas..." Charity started, she didn't like where this conversation was going

"I'm sure in history once we learnt that they used to brand whores, give them scars so everyone knew what they were..."

"Stop this now" Charity told her, "you're not a whore" she said firmly.

Chas snorted, "No? Why do I feel like one then?" she asked her, her huge brown eyes meeting her cousin's green ones, misery and shame shining through. Charity couldn't help but pity her, but tried not to show it as she knew Chas would hate that.

"Oh Babe, you've been through so much, your body's still recovering, your head must be mangled with everything that's happened. Don't put yourself down, you're stronger than that"

Chas laughed a humourless laugh, "I'm so sick of being strong. Good old Chas Dingle, always up for a laugh."

"Well don't be strong then, fall apart, nobody'd blame you. But don't blame yourself for all this. It's not your fault."

"Whose fault is it then? Eh? I'm the worst mother in the world" the tears that Chas had been fighting so hard could no longer be stopped. They fell down her pale cheeks as she spoke.

"Er, you're talking to the woman who gave away her first child, then tried to sell her second" Charity tried to joke.

"At least you didn't kill either of yours" Chas returned.

Charity knew she had to get through to Chas, to try to bring her out of this downward spiral of self-hate she was on. "Neither did you."

Chas nodded her head, "course I did. I should've realised I was pregnant, how could I not have known? I put missed periods down to stress, how stupid is that?"

"Not at all, you _were_ stressed, the doctor said..."

"And I drank all the time, a glass of wine every night at least..."

"But you didn't know Babe, no one knew"

"**I **should have known. It was my body, I should've realised. The amount of stupid things I've done – the car crash – if I'd have gone and got myself checked out after that, they might have figured it out then. Chucking myself around the woods like some sort of idiot – what chance did she ever have eh?"

"Chas..."

But Chas was on a roll now, she didn't want to listen to whatever lies Charity would use to try to convince her that this mess wasn't all down to her. She wiped her eyes as she spoke, putting on false bravado "Don't Charity, please. I know what everyone must be thinking of me. And they're right. Esther's probably better off dead than having parents like me and Carl. And at least something good came out of all this. Hope for Sarah. I'll just have to remember that won't I".

She forced a smile on her face and Charity watched as Chas transformed into another person. She'd known her cousin all her life, seen her pick herself up and start again after countless scrapes, and she never failed to amaze her at how quickly she could pull up her walls after a knockback. But she knew she couldn't let this one slide. Chas wouldn't get through this by going on a few nights out with the girls like she did after the fake wedding. "You're not fooling me with that, Kiddo, you can't just forget this has happened. You need to grieve for your daughter"

"Who's forgetting? I'll never forget this, I've got a bloody great scar to remind me every day what I've done"

"No, stop saying that, you've done nothing. It was a massive, horrible crazy series of events that nobody could have predicted. The doctor said there was no way you would have known." Chas just pulled a face as if to say 'whatever', which frustrated Charity, making her speak perhaps a little more forcefully than she meant to "I can see where Aaron gets it from now, the whole self-pitying thing, although I never thought I'd see the day when Chas Dingle let other people's opinions of her get her down. You need to get it into your head that this wasn't your fault, you owe that much to Esther's memory. You would have cared for her and loved her just as much as you do Aaron, you would have done your best for her and it's awful, horrible that you never got the chance. But don't let her memory be forever tinged with guilt, she's worth more than that. And so are you if you ever let people in."

Charity stood up and walked out of the door, too annoyed to stay in the room, knowing that she'd probably done the wrong thing yet again and opened her gob when she should have kept quiet. _'Well done Charity' _she thought to herself, _'who shouts at a bereaved mother?'._

Little did she realise that it was exactly the kick Chas needed to look at things from a different perspective and try to sort out the last few days' events in her head.


	34. Chapter 34

Hey guys, sorry for the long break, been away. Hope you enjoy the next chapter, despite it being a bit short.

Chapter Thirty Four

The whole of the village woke with a hangover. Everyone moved carefully, deliberately, still delicate from the night before. The cafe was overrun with people ordering bacon butties and double shot coffees and David's shop ran out of headache tablets. As Gennie walked up Main Street, Pearl smiled and waved to her cheerily. It was apparent that the jungle drums hadn't been so quick to sound that morning as nobody seemed to have heard about baby Esther. And Gennie swore to herself that she wasn't going to be the one to blab. Instead of going into the cafe and having to face her nosey mother, she turned around and headed straight to the factory instead. She hadn't been involved in the drama of the previous night, but Lisa had called her early that morning to tell her the sad news and fill her in on what her sister had been up to.

Gennie couldn't believe it. Every time she thought she couldn't be shocked any further, something else would happen to disprove her theory. She used to think Chas revelled in the drama she seemed to attract, that she even caused it sometimes, just to get the attention. But she knew that nobody would wish the week her sister had endured on their worst enemy, never mind themselves. She just regretted that she wasn't closer to her, that she wasn't able to be there for her like a sister should be. But they'd missed out on the early years, when bonds are made and relationships forged. When Genesis Walker turned up in the Dingles' lives, Chas was jealous of Gennie and they never really got past the barriers she put up to keep Gennie out. She always thought it was because Chas didn't like sharing her dad, or that she thought Gennie was an idiot. But she realised that she put those walls up with everyone, not just her. And as she learnt more about Chas's relationship with Shadrach, the way he had brought her and Cain up, she understood why she would resent the fact Shadrach so easily showed Gennie such devotion when it would seem he had struggled to do the same with his other kids.

Gennie thought about how ashamed she was of herself when Shadrach died, that she'd never built bridges with him and made the effort to really get to know him. She made up her mind that she wasn't going to let the same thing happen with Chas. She was the closest blood relative she had and she'd nearly lost her. She knew that they would never share as close an affinity as Chas had with Charity. But she could offer Chas her support and her love. By the time Gennie marched through the factory gates, she was utterly determined to break down all the walls that existed between herself and her sister.

Meanwhile, in the Woolpack, Lisa, Debbie and Belle were helping Diane, Marlon and Victoria clean the place up, ready for opening. The place was a mess from the party and everyone had slept in after the drama of the previous night. Diane was grateful for the extra hands, and attempted to say as much through yet another yawn.

"Tha-oh. Sorry, can't stop yawning. Just wanted to say thanks again for the help. We'd never have opened on time with just the three of us."

Lisa waved her off, "think nothing of it love, it's the least we could do after the help you gave Our Chas last night."

Diane sighed heavily. It seemed like a dream now the reality of day had hit her. She was still trying to process everything that had happened in one single night. Her thought process was interrupted by Marlon coming in from the kitchen talking on his mobile.

"No! Charity...I don't care, get back in there and apologise. You can sort it out, you're queen of talking yourself out of trouble...hang on, I'll put you onto Debs" he held the phone out to Debbie,

"here, your mum's had a row with our Chas and won't go back in to talk to her".

Debbie rolled her eyes and snatched the phone off Marlon, "Mum?...What have you said?...oh great, nice one. No, you can't come home, you have to go back in there and sort it out. Dad trusted you with this...yes you can, now go. Bye."

"Problems?" Diane asked as Debbie passed the phone back to Marlon.

"She's shouted at Chas and told her to stop feeling sorry for herself. Master of diplomacy is my mother. Whose idea was it to leave her there?"

"Hers" Cain's voice came from the backroom, followed by Cain himself. Aaron also appeared, looking tired.

"You heard?" Lisa asked and they both nodded.

"If I know Charity," said Cain, "and unfortunately I do, she's given Chas a dose of tough love, and right now they'll be having a touchy feely, teary make up session. They'll be best of mates in another five minutes. It's been the same cycle for the last thirty years. They never manage to stay angry at each other for long."

"This is a bit different though love" Lisa pointed out.

"We'll see" Cain said knowingly.

"I'm going to be late for work" Victoria said, downing her cloth and apron, "what do I say to Amy about what's happened? I mean, I don't want to gossip, but it doesn't feel right everyone swanning around all happy when..." She was genuinely gutted that Esther hadn't made it. She got on well with Chas, she made her laugh and she knew how important Esther was for Sarah's survival. None of it seemed right.

Everyone looked at each other for an answer. They knew it wouldn't be long before word got around. Cain took the initiative, "tell her about Esther, nothing else. If I find out anyone's breathed a word about what happened last night, I won't be held responsible for my actions" he threatened.

Victoria nodded and headed off to the B&B. She told Pollard, Amy and Val the sad news and within half an hour the whole village knew. Flowers appeared outside Mill Cottage. Jimmy walked past them on the way to his car with a heavy heart, glad to see there was support for Carl in the village, but devastated that yet again his family had to go through the grieving process. He hoped that the person he was going to pick up could help Carl get through such a difficult time.


	35. Chapter 35

Next chapter guys - a couple of heart to hearts and a surprise visitor. Thanks for the continued support.

Joe Bloggs - I wouldn't say Cain is being particularly nice, he's still mostly his usual grumpy self. There are moments where he shows his better side because deep down he loves his sister and he had a big shock nearly losing her. I've chosen to ignore the Judgement Day storyline because it didn't exist when I started this story, so I couldn't plan it in. I hope this answers your question? Feel free to ask more.

Chapter Thirty Five

Carl woke to the sound and smell of sizzling bacon. He opened his eyes and saw that he was on the sofa. He reached out and grabbed the pint of water on the table, downed it in one and then forced himself to sit up depite his banging headache. As he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes, he felt someone's presence next to him and was greeted by a plate of bacon sandwiches and a coffee when he reopened his eyes. He looked up, expecting to see his brother towering over him and was surprised to see his sister-in-law instead.

"Thanks" he said, taking the plate and cup from her. She just smiled at him and went back into the kitchen to finish cooking the rest of the bacon.

"How are you feeling?" she asked, her voice carrying easily over the sizzling.

"Bit rough" he replied honestly. He put the cup of coffee on the table and took a large bite out of the sandwich, which Nicola had even laced with brown sauce.

"I've taken the day off and Laurel is looking after Angel, so whatever you need, if you need it, just ask." Nicola was talking in a very matter of fact manner, as if she was discussing the accounts with Declan, but Carl knew this was just her trying to keep things as normal as possible. It would freak him out if she was too nice to him.

"Where's Jimmy?" Carl asked, looking around for his brother.

"Gone to pick something up" Nicola replied.

"We've no deliveries today have we?" Carl tried to think about work but found he couldn't remember what day it was, never mind what orders they had on.

"No, this is something for you" Nicola replied mysteriously. She plated up her own breakfast and sat in the lounge with Carl. It was obvious she wasn't going to tell Carl what Jimmy was doing, so Carl went back to his sandwiches and they both ate in silence.

At the hospital, Charity had gone back into Chas's room and found a nurse in there. She was in the middle of taking Chas's blood pressure.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I'll just..."

"Nearly finished" the nurse interrupted, "you can stay if you want?"

"I don't know..." Charity said. She wasn't sure if Chas wanted her there after what she'd said. She hovered by the door, trying to gauge what Chas was thinking. But she had her head turned away from both the nurse and herself and she wasn't saying a word. The nurse caught her eye and motioned with her head for her to come in. Charity walked into the room and sat on the chair by the bed as the nurse noted something down on the chart on the end of the bed and left.

Charity waited to see if Chas would turn around and talk to her, but she didn't move. If she didn't see her chest rising and falling, she'd think she was dead.

"Do you remember" Charity started "when Ben Parish and Michael Simpson beat Cain up and took his bike off him? You dragged him into the flat and onto the sofa all on your own. It was January and there was five foot of snow everywhere, but you ran all the way to my house and shimmied up the drainpipe when my mum refused to let you in. And when we'd got back and bandaged his head, and bathed all his cuts, he shouted at you for telling me he'd been picked on. So you kicked him really hard in the shin and told him next time you'd leave him in the stairwell to freeze to death. You were only seven."

Charity laughed as she remembered Chas's little face appearing at her window, all red and panting from the exertion of running so far. Charity had grown up in a semi-detatched house in a suburb of Hotten. Her parents weren't well off by any means, but they both worked and her mother, Judith, was a bit of a snob. Charity's dad, Jeremiah Dingle, a cousin of Zak and Shadrach, was banned from associating with his side of the family, and so, therefore, was Charity, despite the fact she went to the same school as Chas and Cain. Judith didn't understand that Charity, an only child, loved hanging around with her cousins, who understood her better than her parents ever did. She despaired of her every time she'd come back from another adventure with her 'wild cousins'. Charity despised how weak her father was for giving into her mother all the time, and she hated her mother for always trying to control everything. But she'd always felt loved by them, and lucky to be looked after, until they threw her out when they found out she was pregnant at thirteen. That was when she knew they'd never truly loved her at all.

"You amazed me at how much fight you had, even as the tiny, skinny thing you were then. You never cried when Faith left, you just got on with it. And you always had such a sense of justice, never let Cain nick off smaller kids, never let us lift from nice shopkeepers. You kept us in line. I still don't understand how you managed to do that. You were such a smart little kid, able to talk circles round both of us, trick us into doing stuff you wanted.

"And now look at you; got your own business, got your Aaron back, got so many people in the village who love and respect you. You have made so much of yourself despite everything and everyone who has dragged you back. And I do include myself in that category, because I should have been looking out for you when we were kids. I should have realised that you weren't okay. A seven year old living with an alcoholic father and a delinquent brother - what kind of life was that for you? But you've always been so good at pretending everything is okay. I'm so sorry Chas, for then and for now. I should never have shouted at you, I didn't mean what I said before."

Charity lost all her composure and broke down in tears. She hadn't meant to ramble so much about the past, neither of them liked raking it up. But once she'd started talking, she'd found it hard to stop, and all the feelings of anger and guilt and bitter loss had been brought to the surface. She buried her head in her hands and wept silent tears, crying like she hadn't cried for over twenty years.

"That bike wasn't even his" Chas said, so quietly Charity almost missed it, "he'd stolen it off Spotface Barry Wheelan the week before".

Charity's sobs turned into hysterical laughter as she lifted her head and met Chas's eyes, sparkling with mischief despite the tears rolling down her own face. Charity reached for Chas's hand and held it tightly as they laughed away their tension.

At Mill Cottage, Carl had pulled himself together enough to have a shower and get dressed into fresh clothes. It amazed him how simple things could instantly make one feel more human. As he opened the door to his bedroom, he heard a woman's voice downstairs. It was too high to be Nicola's, but it sounded very familiar. Intrigued, he walked quickly downstairs and followed the voice to the living room, where a familiar figure stood with her back to him. He couldn't believe his eyes.

"Scarlett?" he asked, hardly daring to believe it was really her.

She turned round and greeted him with a sad smile, "Hi Carl. Surprise."

Carl couldn't cope with the shock of seeing his little sister so unexpectedly. He was so glad to see her, but felt so guilty about the way he'd behaved towards her last time she was there. He launched himself into her arms and hugged her so tightly, she thought he was going to crack a rib.

"Whoa there Carl, give the girl some air" Jimmy joked as he pulled his brother off Scarlett. Everyone was surprised to see that Carl was crying.

"I'm sorry" Carl said as he wiped his eyes and tried to pull himself together, "just a bit of a shock, you know"

"I'm sorry, I wanted to surprise you" Scarlett said, squeezing her brother's arm in comfort.

Everyone sat down on the sofa and chairs and Nicola brought in some cupcakes and more coffee. She was obviously trying to keep herself busy. Scarlett told Carl that she'd been travelling in Thailand when she'd got a call from Jimmy telling her what had happened to Chas. She'd booked the next available plane and been travelling for the last two days to try to get home and meet her niece. She'd only found out about Esther passing away when Jimmy had picked her up from the airport that morning.

"I'm so sorry Carl. I know you really wanted kids with Chas, despite the strange way you go about things."

"I'm sorry that you didn't get to meet her. And I'm sorry for the way I..."

"It's all forgotten" Scarlett stopped Carl, it wasn't the right time for this, "have you got any pictures of Esther?"

Carl nodded and went to find his digital camera and his phone. For the rest of the morning, the four of them looked at pictures and videos of Esther, caught up on Scarlett's news and enjoyed time together again.


	36. Chapter 36

Hi guys, next chapter here. Thanks for your nice comments.

TeamAmira - I'd love to write another story about Chas and Cain once this is finished (and the end is in sight) as they're two of my favourite characters. What kind of story do you want to read? I'll take on board any suggestions, although I'm not promising I'll use them.

Chapter Thirty Six

Over the next couple of days, Mill Cottage and The Woolpack were both inundated with cards and flowers from well wishers. Chas had visits from all and sundry, which she accepted with patience and grace. With Charity's help, she had pulled herself out of the quagmire of self-flagellation she had been sinking into, but so many visitors was overwhelming and she couldn't stand the pitying glances everyone kept shooting her when they thought she wasn't looking. But she knew they were there because they cared, and she was relieved that everyone was still talking to her, knowing what she'd done, so she smiled nicely at them and thanked them for coming.

Carl came in to visit, looking like he'd hardly slept since Chas had last seen him. She could imagine this was probably true, since she hadn't been able to sleep herself without medicinal help. She hadn't shared this fact with her family as she didn't want to worry them any further. Scarlett came in with Carl and it was a nice surprise for Chas, who had always liked Carl's younger sister. The reason for the visit was not a happy one though, they were there to discuss funeral arrangements for Esther. Aaron was there as well, and the four of them discussed how they wanted to say goodbye to someone nobody had known for long enough. It was decided that there would be no Christian service, since neither Carl or Chas were particularly religious. Instead, Esther would be cremated and then they would scatter her ashes at a family gathering in Emmerdale, so that she would be always near them, but free at the same time.

This meant that they had to wait for Chas to be discharged from hospital, something the doctors said could take another week. But Chas had other ideas. She made herself get up and walk around as much as possible so that she regained strength in her muscles. She lied to the nurses when they asked how much pain she was still in. Within three days she had convinced them she was well enough to be discharged despite secretly still being in a lot of pain. But she was going slowly mad in that hospital and she said to herself that she'd heal a lot quicker in her own home.

She didn't tell anyone, she just rang Diane one night and asked if she'd come and pick her up the next morning. She allowed her to tell Aaron, but noone else about her return, especially her family. The last thing she wanted was to arrive home to a big fuss. Diane was dubious about her being well enough to return home so soon and made doubly sure that she was definitely being discharged when she arrived to collect her the next morning.

"The infection's gone and her wound is healing nicely. If she says she's not in any pain, we can't really do anything else for her" the head nurse told Diane. "You would be best to keep a close eye on her. If she shows any signs of infection or the pain becomes too much to bear, give the ward a call. We've prescribed her some heavy duty painkillers for a week, then some lighter ones from then on. Don't let her move around more than necessary."

"I don't know how I'd stop her. She's pretty stubborn"

The nurse gave her a wry smile, "yes, we'd noticed".

Diane followed the nurse to a room, where Chas was stood by her bed, fully dressed, packing her bag. When she saw Diane a huge grin broke out on her face.

"Hi!"

Diane gave her a careful hug, being mindful of her wounds. "Hi pet. It's good to see you vertical. You ready?"

"Oh yes!" Chas exclaimed. She went to pick up her bag but Diane got there first, raising an eyebrow at Chas as she picked it up.

"What?" Chas asked.

"Am I going to have trouble with you or you going to behave yourself?" Chas looked confused, so Diane continued, "I mean it madam, you do not carry anything, push anything or lift anything for the next week at least. You don't move a muscle unless it's absolutely necessary. Is that clear?"

Chas nodded, a small smile on her face. She liked it when Diane told her off and mothered her.

"Good" Diane said and indicated the door with her head, "then mush. Let's go home".

Chas moved slowly but surely down the corridors and into the car park. Every step hurt, but she didn't let on. Diane was watching her like a hawk and could tell something was wrong, but she ignored it for now.

The drive home was quiet. The closer they got to Emmerdale, the more nervous Chas got. It seemed like months since she'd been there and so much had happened. She was different, everything was different. And reality was now beginning to set in. Diane parked up at the back of the pub and looked over at Chas.

"Are you okay love? You've gone a bit green."

Chas nodded, "Yeah, I'm fine. Just weird to be back I s'pose"

"Well we've missed you. Victoria says it's too quiet without you and Aaron doesn't know what to do with himself, poor love"

"Really?" Chas looked dubious. She couldn't imagine anyone missing her, especially Aaron.

"He'll never admit it, but he has missed you loads. And not just because he's had to make his own meals and wash his own clothes. He's used to you always being there for him, whether he wants it or not. When someone like that is missing...well you know how that feels."

Chas nodded, but in reality she didn't know how that felt. She'd never had that feeling of security that usually goes with having a parent. She'd never been able to rely on either parent to be there for her, she'd always had to look out for herself. Sure Shadrach was around sometimes, and she knew he'd loved her, but she'd never trusted him. She couldn't afford to. She was glad that she'd managed to become such a presence for Aaron and hoped that this latest drama hadn't damaged that trust too badly. She took a deep breath and got out of the car, ready to face the realities of returning to the village.


	37. Chapter 37

Chapter Thirty Seven

Aaron was in his bedroom when he heard Diane's car pull up at the back. He peeked out of his window at the car park below and saw Diane and Chas sat in the car talking. Even from that distance, he could see that his mum was nervous. He remembered his own return from hospital after his suicide attempt. He was so scared of what everyone was saying about him, how much they knew, how they were going to treat him differently. He knew she'd be feeling exactly the same way, but he had no idea what to do or say to her to make it better.

When Diane had told him the previous night that she was being discharged, to say he was dubious was an understatement. He could see that Diane felt the same way. They'd both seen her not even a week before being loaded onto an ambulance, delirious with fever and pain, and now they were expected to believe she was ready to come home? Diane had promised that she'd double check with the doctors that Chas wasn't pulling a fast one. Obviously she wasn't, because she was now making her way slowly out of the car and into the pub.

Aaron took one last look at himself in his mirror. He was nervous about going downstairs because he had no idea how to treat his mum. All of the parameters of their relationship had shifted again, and this time, for the first time, it was her that needed the help, not him. And she seemed to be no more willing than he ever had been to ask for this help. He remembered how stubborn she was when he came out of hospital. She even went as far as to move back in to Smithy Cottage to keep an eye on him. It was this action that made him realise how much she really did care about him, and it had been nice having her around. The only reason he'd made her move out so quickly was because she was inadvertantly messing with Paddy's head.

He'd decided in bed the previous night that he'd just try to be there for her, to keep an eye out for her and make sure she took her recovery seriously. He made his way out of the bedroom and down the stairs. He could hear Diane talking in the back room, so he took a deep breath and opened the door. Two heads turned towards him. Chas was sat on the sofa, hugging a cushion in front of her. Her eyes had lit up when she'd seen Aaron enter, and she gave him a small smile in greeting.

"Hi love" she said quietly, tentatively. She too was unsure how they should act with each other. Aaron now knew some of her darkest moments, her hardest trials. There was a new bond formed between them and neither knew how to respond to this. It was easy to ignore at the hospital, but now she was home, they'd have to face up to things sooner or later.

"Welcome home" Aaron said simply. He moved towards the kitchen to grab some breakfast before work.

Diane passed him carrying Chas's bag, "I'm just going to pop this in your room pet. Kettle's on Aaron, do the honours - tea for me please" and with that she left the room before Aaron had a chance to respond.

He turned to his mum, "tea? Toast?".

She nodded, "Just tea, if you don't mind. Cheers love". As he pottered around the kitchen, he spoke to his mother in a no nonsense manner.

"I don't know how you've tricked the doctors into letting you come home, but you and I both know you shouldn't really be here. You'd better be careful and take things easy cos Diane's already said she won't think twice about driving you back there if needs be".

Chas was amused and touched by this show of concern. He'd changed so much from the hooligan that came to the village three years ago. "Yes, she's already given me the lecture, ta. Anyway, who's the parent and who's the child here?"

Aaron pretended to be stern, but couldn't stop the amusement from shining in his eyes, "sometimes, Mother, I do wonder that myself". He carried two mugs of tea over and put them on the table, then pulled his shoes on and grabbed his toast. "I'm off to work, I'll come back for lunch, make us some sarnies or summat?"

"Yeah, that'll be nice. You'd better let Cain and Debbie know I'm back. Don't want people turning up at the hospital trying to visit, eh."

Aaron nodded and went to leave. When he got to the door, he turned round, "it's good to have you back" he said, "I've run out of clean boxers" he couldn't help joking.

"Missed you too sweetheart" Chas laughed as he left.


	38. Chapter 38

Chapter Thirty Eight

When Diane came back downstairs, she found Chas alone on the sofa with a cup of tea in her hands. She sat down next to her and picked her own up off the table.

"Aaron gone?"

Chas nodded.

"You two okay?"

"I think so, yeah" Chas replied. She took a sip of her tea and looked at Diane "it's a bit awkward. He knows stuff now, stuff I never meant for him to find out."

"Like what Pet?" Diane asked.

Chas looked down. "Stuff about my past. Which I suppose you know too now. I keep forgetting about my Shellbourne House adventure. It was just a dream to me"

Diane could see the shame and fear in Chas's posture. She looked like an abused animal waiting to be struck. "Oi" Diane said softly, making Chas look up at her, "I'll be honest love, it was a shock seeing where you and Cain grew up. And yes, it makes me look at you differently, how could it not?"

Chas nodded her head slightly, resigned to the fact that yet again, her past had come back to ruin her life. So she was more than surprised to hear the next words out of Diane's mouth.

"It's made me respect you that much more. To know where you've come from and see what you've overcome…"

"I don't need your pity Diane"

"Who's giving you pity? Certainly not me. All's I'm saying is, you should be proud of yourself, because of who you are now, not ashamed of your past. Especially when none of it was your doing. Now shush and drink your tea"

Chas gave a small smile and did as she was told. When they'd both finished their tea, Diane helped Chas take her boots off and lie down on the couch. She pulled a blanket out of a cupboard and tucked her in gently, making sure Chas was comfy.

"Victoria's put together a survival pack for you. Loads of girly DVDs, some snacks and drinks and a few magazines that you won't have read yet. Now, you are not to leave this couch unless you are on fire. If you need anything – and I mean anything - ring me on my mobile, I'll just be through in the bar with Alicia."

Chas promised not to move and settled down to watch one of Victoria's DVDs. Diane left her alone to finish preparing the bar. When she went to check on her half an hour later, Chas was dozing on the sofa, frowning and mumbling to herself. Diane couldn't help but wonder what she was dreaming about to make her frown so heavily, but left her to sleep as it looked like she needed it.

Chas had been dozing on and off for a while, not fully asleep, not nearly awake. She was brought back to reality with a bang when she heard a baby cry. She thought at first that she was back in maternity and the last few days had been a dream. But when she focused her eyes she saw that it was baby Leo making the noise as Rhona changed him on the table.

"Sshh sshh, silly one" Rhona cooed to her son as he wriggled on the changing mat, "there's no need to make such a fuss". He stopped crying and started playing with his foot instead. Chas watched as Rhona tickled him and kissed him before getting on with changing his nappy. She felt a pang of jealousy run through her, but quickly repressed it, knowing there was no point in it. She moved to sit up carefully, and Rhona jumped when she noticed her for the first time.

"Oh my god, Chas, I'm so sorry, I didn't know you were here. Alicia said it was okay"

Chas was about to say it was okay when Alicia, Marlon and Diane all burst through the door at the same time, talking over each other. They were obviously all worried that Chas was going to see Leo and freak out. She started laughing, which made everyone shut up, but look no less worried.

"Hello. Overreact much, all of you?" she joked, "what do you think I'm gonna do, spontaneously combust at the sight of a baby? I'm still me you know – it'll take more than little Leo to knock me down".

Marlon and Diane smiled at her, this was the Chas they knew and loved. Rhona and Alicia weren't so sure, but then they hadn't known her for as long.

"Good to see you anyway" Alicia said, "and welcome home. I'd better get back to the bar" and with that she dashed off. She didn't really know what to say to Chas. She'd gone through her own heartbreak in the past trying to get pregnant, but that didn't compare in her mind to the loss of a child. She remembered when Jacob went missing for a few days, the crippling sense of loss she'd felt and she couldn't believe how strong Chas seemed facing that.

Rhona wanted to make her excuses and leave as quickly as possible for exactly the same reasons as Alicia: she had no idea what to say and she knew if she thought about losing her own child she'd start blubbing. But she knew it'd be rude to do a runner, so she finished changing Leo's nappy and Marlon immediately took him from her as she packed the changing gear back into her bag.

"How's he doing?" Chas asked as she watched Marlon swinging him up and down, "he's grown loads".

Rhona thought she could see a wistful look in Chas's eyes. "He doesn't stop growing" she answered, "it seems like every day he's heavier. I swear Paddy's feeding him in secret".

Marlon offered Leo to Chas, "do you want a hold?" but luckily Diane saw the flash of blind panic cross Chas's face and jumped in first, taking Leo from Marlon.

"It's my turn for a hold. Besides, she's not to hold anything heavier than a mug of tea for the next week at least. Doctor's orders."

Marlon looked sheepish, "sorry, didn't think" he said as Chas waved his apology away with her hand, grateful to Diane for saving her.

"Come on Leo, let's leave Auntie Chas in peace" Diane cooed to the baby as she carried him out of the back room, trailed by a relieved-looking Rhona, who waved goodbye to Chas.

Marlon remained in the room and sat on one of the chairs by the table.

"So, did they let you out early for good behaviour?" he joked.

"Me? Good?" Chas joked back. They smiled at each other before Chas looked away. "I'm sorry I ruined your charity day" she said. Although he'd visited the hospital a few times, he'd always been with other people, so this was the first time they'd been alone together since that crazy day. She'd been feeling guilty about causing such a fuss and spoiling Marlon's fundraiser.

Marlon laughed. His younger cousin never failed to surprise him. She was quick to threaten violence if the mood took her, but just as quick to show love and support. "Don't be daft, you're more important than some stupid paintballing day. Anyway, everyone paid the full amount despite it finishing early, so we made loads of money."

Chas just nodded.

"I keep thinking" carried on Marlon, "about what would have happened if I'd chased after Aaron and Carl and you'd gone after Alicia that day. Do you think…"

"There's no point in what ifs Marlon. You of all people should know that" Chas said.

Marlon knew she meant Tricia. He'd nearly gone mad after she'd died thinking of all the small ways her death could have been prevented. But it couldn't bring her back. And no amount of wishing could bring Esther back either. Marlon watched as Chas stared into mid-space. They sat in silence for a couple of minutes, until suddenly, Chas frowned and looked down at herself. Marlon followed her gaze and saw that her top was wet. Chas pulled her blanket over herself, mortified at what was happening, looking quickly at Marlon to see if he had seen. Marlon was still staring at Chas's chest, but pulled himself out of his daze sharpish as he realised what was going on. When Leo was new born, Rhona's milk also leaked on occasion – it was perfectly natural for a new mother, and Rhona didn't seem to mind it too much. But Marlon could see why it would bother Chas, and it seemed from her surprise as if this was the first time it had happened.

Marlon sprang from his seat and dashed into the kitchen area for some kitchen roll, which he passed to Chas. "Wait there" he said as he dashed out of the room, only realising as he reached the pub kitchen what a stupid thing that was to say to her, since she couldn't go anywhere anyway.

Chas took the opportunity of Marlon leaving to look back at her front. She couldn't believe her body was rebelling against her yet again. She'd been warned by the midwife that this may happen, but she'd been hoping against hope it didn't. Why did her milk have to come in now, so long after Esther was born? And in front of Marlon of all people! She slipped a piece of folded kitchen towel inside each cup of her bra and covered herself back up before Marlon reappeared. Where had he gone, she wondered?

He soon returned with a cabbage, of all things. He went to the kitchen area, pulled off a couple of leaves and bashed them with a rolling pin, before bringing them over to Chas. "Here – they're nice and cold from the fridge. They'll help with swelling and…stuff". He looked just as embarrassed as Chas as he turned away to let Chas put the cabbage leaves inside her bra. She looked at them dubiously for a second before thinking '_sod it'_ and putting one on each breast. He was right, they were cold, and they felt strange, but quite soothing. She'd not realised how much her chest had been hurting until she felt how much relief the leaves gave her.

"Cheers Marlon" she said, indicating he could turn back round, "how did you know about cabbages?"

Marlon sat next to Chas on the sofa as he answered, "read it in a baby book when we were preparing for Leo. You need to express the milk really or you could get blocked ducts".

Chas shook her head, "no, they said not to do that at the hospital. They said if this happened I was to let the pressure build and it'll suppress the flow apparently. What a waste eh."

Marlon saw that Chas was trying to put a brave face on it, but he knew how painful it was going to be for her – emotionally and physically – to let her breasts swell with milk meant for a daughter long dead. He put his arm around his cousin and pulled her gently into him. "What you watching?" he asked as he turned the DVD player on with the remote. He pressed play and sank back into the sofa, both of them pretending to watch the film. But Marlon was really listening to Chas's breath hitch as she tried and failed to hide her silent tears from him.

When Diane went back to check on her charge and shout at Marlon for slacking with his food prep, she found both of them asleep on the sofa, snuggled up like two kittens. These two Dingles had both had a huge impact on her life, and her on theirs; they felt more like family than colleagues. The cousins were so different from each other on the outside, but they both had the same soft centre, loathe as Chas would be to ever admit it. She smiled and left them to it, making the decision to put a cold menu on that lunchtime.


	39. Chapter 39

Thanks again for the comments and support. Probably just a few more chapters left. X

Chapter Thirty Nine

"Marlon"

"Marlon"

Aaron watched on in amusement as Diane shook the sleeping Marlon gently, hissing his name in order to wake him up whilst not disturbing Chas. Her method completely failed as Chas stirred from her sleep and Marlon remained firmly in dreamland.

"Marlon" Chas said loudly as she rubbed her eyes and elbowed him in the ribs at the same time, "Eli's found your moneybox again".

Marlon instantly shot up and looked around, fully awake. When he realised Chas was lying, he relaxed back in the sofa and rubbed his own eyes.

Aaron felt a sense of déjà vu. "Cain did that to you in the hospital" he told his mum, "is that what he said?" he asked.

Marlon snorted, "Probably, except swap 'Eli' for 'Shadrach'" he said.

"Yeah, and my dad used to do the same but with Cain's name" Chas added in good humour.

"Never mind all that, there's a supplier on the phone asking for you. Something about liver." Diane interrupted.

Marlon stood as he looked at his watch, "they're not supposed to be calling until…oh my god, it's half twelve! The lunches…"

"All sorted, I got Rachel to whip up some sandwiches and salads" Diane assured him, following him out of the back room".

Aaron laughed at his dippy cousin as he put the finishing touches to two cheese and ham sandwiches. He carried them over to the table by the couch and then brought over two pint glasses of blackcurrant juice.

"Thanks love" Chas said before she picked up her sandwich and took a bite.

"Good sleep?" Aaron asked through his own mouthful.

"Best sleep I've had in about a million years actually" Chas answered truthfully. She'd not managed to sleep deeply without the help of pharmaceuticals in weeks, and waking up from that kind of sleep, she'd never felt rested. She didn't know if it was the comfort of having Marlon's arm around her or being back in familiar surroundings, but she'd finally managed to sleep without being plagued by nightmares or waking after ten minutes with a horrible sense of doom haunting her.

Diane came back in and saw them both tucking into their food. She was relieved to see that Chas seemed to have her appetite back as she had been worrying about how thin she seemed to have gotten. The girl didn't have much meat on her bones to start off with, losing too much couldn't have been good for her health. _'Speaking of which'_ thought Diane as she retrieved a little plastic baggie from a cupboard and brought it over to Chas.

"Here" she said as she put it next to her juice glass, "you have to take these with food".

Chas looked up from her sandwich to see what she'd been given and rolled her eyes when she saw it was a bag of pills.

"No use rolling your eyes Mrs, get them down you. I've sorted every dose for the next week, bagged them and labelled them. They're in the middle cupboard in case I'm ever not here" She was talking more to Aaron than Chas now, because she wanted him to get involved in his mother's care. She'd seen a new side to him over the last few weeks and didn't want it to disappear now Chas had come home.

"Wow" Chas joked, "I didn't realise you'd developed OCD while I've been away Diane".

"Just keeping things organised" Diane said as she headed for the door, "now open the bag and get them eaten". With that, she'd gone again.

Chas sighed and opened the bag. She lined the pills up on the table, eyeing them up as if they were poison.

"Got enough there?" Aaron teased her.

"Don't, I'm going to rattle when I walk" she replied.

"What are they all for?"

Chas pointed at two blue pills, "heavy-duty painkillers," two small pink pills, "antibiotics," a large green bullet of a capsule, "for my heart", a smaller blue and yellow capsule, "for my blood" and two white tablets, "and for…I can't remember what they're for, but they taste the worst" she said as she pulled a face.

Aaron watched as she swallowed them all down as quickly as she could. When she'd finished, she took a massive bite of her sandwich to take away the taste and sat back.

"Listen" Aaron started carefully, and Chas was immediately on alert for bad news, "it's getting around the village that you're back. Carl came into the garage to ask if it was true. He'd heard David and Alicia talking about it in the shop. And Debbie said Brenda asked her about it in the café. She'd heard Rhona telling Paddy."

"Well if Brenda knows, the whole village'll know by this evening" Chas said, "they were bound to find out sooner or later".

She was trying to sound blasé, but Aaron knew she was thrown by this. He also knew what her next question would be, "what did Carl want?"

"Just to see if was true" Aaron told her, "I said it was and he asked to visit. I think he thinks I'm your PA or something. I told him to text you if he wanted to make an appointment. Got to give him credit, he braved the glare of Cain for a full five minutes by coming to see me rather than just barging his way in here".

"Am I losing the plot or did you just give Carl King props?" Chas said.

"Props?" Aaron said, "where have you been living, the 1990s?"

"Whatever" Chas said, glad to have their old banter back. She reached for her mobile and saw that there was indeed a text from Carl.

_Heard you're back. Can I come over? Cx_

"Probably wants to talk about going to the crem" said Chas as she typed a reply

_Yeah, come over in about half an hour x _

"He could have waited for you to settle in a bit before hassling you with that" Aaron said, still quick to think badly of Carl, despite seeing a different side of him lately.

"It's me actually. I told him I wanted to go as soon as I got out. He's just doing what I asked him."

Aaron was confused, "I don't understand. What's the rush?"

"I just want it over. It's Christmas in four days, and I want to draw a line under the whole thing by then. I don't want another Christmas with a shadow hanging over it. I want Belle to be able to celebrate her birthday without everyone rowing or upset yet again. Poor kid always has a rotten time on her birthday, it's always tainted with bad memories."

Aaron could understand why she wanted to get it over with, but he knew she was deluding herself if she thought she could just forget about it and move on. He still thought about Jackson, every day, although it hurt less and less to do so. "There's no such thing as drawing a line under something like this" he told her.

"I know love. But it's a start isn't it. If we go tomorrow, her ashes will be ready for Saturday. We can give her a proper send off and then Christmas will be the next day and everyone can get on with their lives."

Aaron had to admit it sounded appealing, but worried that his mum was rushing everything; her recovery, her return, the funeral, in order to avoid dealing with what had happened. "You shouldn't be going anywhere at the moment, you should be resting".

"I'll be fine, we won't be long. It'll just be me and Carl. We're just going to be there to watch her…" she couldn't finish the sentence but Aaron knew what she meant. He knew he couldn't argue about this and gave in to keep the peace.

"Okay, but let me drive you both. Then I can keep an eye on you. And Carl" he added as an afterthought, but Chas knew he was joking.

"Thanks love". She could see that he was backing down over this for her sake and couldn't help but feel optimistic about their relationship finally beginning to heal itself after so many years of hurt. She finished her sandwich as he left for work and then waited for Carl to arrive so they could plan the next day.


	40. Chapter 40

Chapter Forty

Chas lay on the sofa reading a book propped up against her belly. She felt so comfy and content just relaxing in the suntrap shining through the living room window. A drink was placed on the table next to her and she looked up to see Carl standing over her, his grinning face reflecting her own mood.

"Hello" he said, bending down for a quick kiss.

"Hello yourself" she replied, smiling lazily up at him.

Just then, the small movement of the book falling over caught their attention and Chas laughed in surprise.

"Was that…?" Carl asked in amazement.

Chas nodded, "she's restless today. Kicking up a storm in there".

Carl put his hand on her belly with reverence and placed a small kiss on her bump, before giving Chas a longer, more passionate kiss. They were both so happy and looking forward to the future with hope, Chas could barely contain her excitement sometimes.

Suddenly, Carl stood back up and looked at Chas in confusion. He looked angry.

"Where is she?" he said to her, "where's she gone?" he raised his voice accusingly.

Chas didn't understand what was happening, she put her hand on her belly for comfort, but it was gone, her stomach completely flat. Carl was now towering over her, jabbing his finger at her, "you've lost her" he shouted, "this is all your fault. She's gone and it's all your fault."

She sat up quickly, gasping for breath as if she'd been under water. She looked around and could make out the familiar outlines of her bedroom in the moonlight. She took deep breaths to calm herself down and pressed her hand down on her side where she'd pulled at her injury slightly sitting up so fast. She was drenched in sweat, her heart beating double time from panic. This was the fourth time in a row that night she'd had the same dream, and it hadn't gotten any easier to handle. She swung her legs around and slipped her feet into her slippers. Slowly, carefully, painfully, she stood up and crept as quietly as she could to the door.

Fifteen minutes later she'd managed to get downstairs with a minimum amount of pain. Hoping she'd not woken anyone, she turned a lamp on and went to the kitchen cupboard that held all her medication. She dug around until she found her sleeping tablets. She'd not taken any, hoping that being back in her own home meant sleep would come more easily. She was obviously wrong though, and despite the groggy feeling the medication always gave her, she would rather have that than the recurring nightmare that haunted her when she went without. She swallowed two tablets with some water and sat on the couch for a little while before starting on the exhausting climb back up to her room.

She woke up hours later in the same place, a crick in her neck telling her it wasn't the smartest move to fall asleep on the sofa. She opened her eyes and saw she now had a duvet covering her.

"Morning pet" Diane chirped from the kitchen, seeing she was awake, "coffee?"

Chas just nodded her head, she couldn't face speaking yet. She'd never been much of a morning person, and the sleeping tablets made her feel like she was wading through glue. But facing what she knew she had to face today, she wondered if it was for the best that she was numbed around the edges. She tried to remember what had been agreed the previous day. Carl was coming to the pub and Aaron would then drive them both to the crematorium for three. Chas had already relinquished all of the planning duties for both today and Saturday to Scarlett as she didn't have the energy to choose coffins and sort out a wake. She trusted that Scarlett would keep it simple and tasteful and that was all she could hope for.

She was so deep in thought, she didn't notice Diane sitting next to her and waving her hand in front of her face for a full two minutes. It wasn't until Diane shook her gently that she stirred and looked round to see what was going on.

"Finally, I was starting to get worried then" Diane joked. She pointed to the table where Chas saw she'd put her coffee, a plate of toast, a glass of water and her morning collection of tablets.

Chas screwed her face up in protest but all Diane had to do was raise her eyebrow, and she slowly reached out and started swallowing down the pills with the water.

"How come you ended up on here?" Diane asked as she watched Chas take one pill after another, "bad dreams?" She had heard Chas shout out several times in the night, but hadn't heard her creep out of her room and downstairs. She'd had a shock when she'd come across her sleeping form shivering on the sofa first thing that morning.

Chas nodded, avoiding eye contact with Diane.

"Want to talk about them?"

A shake of the head this time.

"Fair enough, but you know I'm here if you ever do"

Another nod. Diane noticed she hadn't touched her breakfast.

"You need to eat something or some of those tablets will hurt your stomach. And you'll need the energy today. Are you sure you don't want someone else with you apart from Carl? There's lots of people would love to support you."

Chas finally found her voice, "I'll be fine Diane. But thank you. I'll have my coffee and then I'll have some toast" she even summoned enough energy to give her a smile to prove how fine she was.

Diane nodded, satisfied that her nagging had paid off.

"What time is it?" asked Chas

"Nearly eleven. You've got a couple of visitors coming in half an hour, just take it easy 'til then, eh?"

Chas panicked, "what visitors?"

"Don't worry, they're nice visitors. Trust me." And with that, Diane went to open up.

Chas drank her coffee and nibbled on a bit of toast, all the while worrying about who was coming over. She really didn't want to see anyone today, she didn't have the strength to make small talk and keep up appearances. And she didn't understand why Diane had allowed these visitors to come round without consulting her first. She looked at her toast, she'd only managed a few bites, it was sticking in her throat. She felt sick with nerves and worry and just wanted today to be over. She closed her eyes and tried taking deep breaths to calm herself down, as she could feel a panic attack about to take over again. She'd had quite a few lately, none as bad as the one Aaron had witnessed, she'd managed to control them herself. Most of the time she found if she took a few controlled breaths, she could ride through the wave of anxiety and stop the attack before it took hold. Sometimes, she'd also rub the back of her hand with her thumb to soothe herself, but she'd made her skin sore from doing this so she was trying to stop.

She threw the toast in the bin - she was never going to be able to force it down – and cleared away her breakfast things. Then she realised she was still in her pyjamas and should really get changed if she was going to be seeing people. So she began the long, slow journey back upstairs and into her room. She sat on her bed to get her breath back and caught a look at herself in the mirror. Her hair was ratty and greasy from weeks of not being able to wash it properly in hospital. She was pale and had dark circles under her eyes from lack of proper sleep. Her pyjama top hung off her thin shoulders making her look like a scarecrow.

She turned away, not wanting to look at herself any longer, and went to pull out some clean clothes. All she could wear at the moment was loose joggers and baggy tops – anything too tight hurt her. She looked through her wardrobe at all the skinny jeans, short skirts and tops that left nothing to the imagination. She could see why people called her a tart; she was far too old to be wearing stuff like that. She couldn't imagine wearing any of those outfits ever again. She closed her wardrobe door and pulled on her joggers and an old trackie top of Aaron's, tied her hair up and brushed her teeth, then journeyed back downstairs to wait for her mysterious visitors.

She'd begun to rub her hand again, creating a red patch just above her wrist, but she didn't realise she was doing it until she felt it sting a bit and looked down to see she'd rubbed the top layer of skin off. She forced her hands down by her sides and was about to turn the telly on when the door opened and Gennie and Katie spilled through, both loaded down with bags and boxes which they dumped on the table.

"Hi!" sang Gennie in her usual chirpy mood. Chas wished she was more like Gennie sometimes, always able to see the good in things.

"Hiya" Katie said as she sat next to Chas and gave her a one-armed side squeeze, mindful of her injury.

"What are you two doing here?" Chas questioned, but she was secretly relieved these were her visitors. She could handle Gennie and Katie, they were good mates, they didn't expect anything from her.

"Well" started Gennie, "we were talking with Diane last night about today and we know how hard it's going to be for you this afternoon…"

"And we thought we'd help take your mind off it this morning by giving you a good old pampering session" carried on Katie. "Nothing too intensive, just a manicure and pedicure from me"

"And I've dug out my old travelling hairdressing kit and I thought I'd give you a shampoo and set" said Gennie.

Chas looked dubious. Katie and Gennie shared a look of worry, before Katie carried on talking, "we know it doesn't matter what you look like today, but we thought you needed a bit of spoiling, and if nothing else, it's something to do for a few hours. Charity was supposed to be here too, but Noah's got chickenpox".

"So what do you say?" Gennie asked nervously.

Chas looked at their eager faces and found she couldn't say no. She smiled at them, to their relief, and said, "it's a lovely idea, thanks guys".

And so, for the next couple of hours, the girls turned the back room into a beauty salon and between them, Katie and Gennie did Chas's hair, nails, eyebrows and makeup. Nothing too bold, all muted colours, but it was amazing how much more relaxed Chas felt after chatting with her mates for a few hours. It took her back to when they lived together in Victoria Cottage and would all get ready for a night out together in the lounge.

Then it dawned on her, she wasn't going on a night out, she was going to a funeral. And she wasn't laughing anymore. Gennie and Katie noticed the sudden drop in her mood as she sat heavily on the sofa. This time it was Gennie who sat next to her and rubbed her arm, "you okay?" she asked.

Chas shook her head. "It's mad all this in't it" she said after a while, "I still think I'm dreaming sometimes, but then who'd dream up something as crazy as this".

Katie could see that Chas was starting to brood and tried to distract her. "You need to go and get changed. They'll be here soon" she told her.

"I've nowt to wear" Chas said, "nothing fits".

"Well" said Gennie, "we did think of that, and we've got you something. You don't have to wear it, we won't be offended or anything"

Chas watched Gennie open up a bag and pull out a charcoal grey silk dress with a purple pattern running through it. It was beautiful, subtle, nothing like she usually wore. It was perfect.

"I don't know what to say" she said to them, "everything you've done this morning. I…" she couldn't carry on past the lump in her throat. It meant so much to her that they'd bother to do this for her.

"Don't, you'll get me going" Gennie laughed as she wiped a tear from her eye. She passed the dress to Chas, who took it gratefully.

"It's nothing you wouldn't have done for us" Katie pointed out smiling at her friend. She was in awe of how brave Chas was being in the face of such trials. "Do you need a hand putting it on?" she asked.

Chas was quick to refuse, not wanting anyone to see her undressed. She was hideous. "No ta" she said, "I'll manage".

She stood up to go upstairs and the girls started to clear their stuff away. "Okay then" Katie said as she packed a bag, "if you're sure, we'll leave you to it".

Chas gave them both a hug and said thank you again. They both wished her luck for the day and left. She looked down at the dress in her hands, ran her hands over the soft material and wondered what she'd done to deserve such brilliant friends.


	41. Chapter 41

Here you go – a Cain-laden chapter just for you. Don't say I never give you anything! Thanks for the comments, especially Shawnyola who's been so loyal and encouraging with your reviews. X x

Chapter Forty One

She stood in front of the mirror and studied herself for the second time that day. She had to admit, the girls had done wonders – the bags under her eyes were hardly visible, her hair was clean and shiny once more. Gennie had pulled it back and tied it loosely to one side. Fully clothed, she looked almost human. She pulled her top up and surveyed the carnage that lay underneath. Her bra was packed with cabbage leaves, she had a road map of a scar running down the length of her, and her ribs stuck out like she was some sort of third world orphan. She let her top drop down again, wondering if she'd ever be able to look at herself again without feeling disgust.

She heard a car pull up at the back and went to her window to see what was going on. A small black car had pulled up in the car park and a man was lifting something from the boot. She saw the familiar black haired head of her brother come out from the pub to greet him. '_When did he come over?'_ she wondered to herself as she watched the men nod to each other before Cain took what looked like a small wooden box from the man and take it inside. It suddenly dawned on her what was going on, what was in the box, and the feeling of nausea that had plagued her most of the morning suddenly overcame her and she had to rush to the bathroom to throw up.

She sat by the toilet, trying to regain control of her breath and her stomach. It kept clenching and unclenching, but there was nothing left to throw up. As she leant her head back against the cool tiles lining the wall, she heard a knock and looked up to see Cain's concerned face peep around the door. When he saw his sister looking wretched on the floor, he all but flew to her side.

"You alright?" he asked "what's happened?" he put his hand on her forehead, wondering if she was running another fever.

Chas batted his hand away softly, "I'm fine Cain, honest" she said calmly, "just a bad reaction to my medication".

He backed away from her and sat down leaning against the opposite wall so he was facing her. He eyed her with suspicion – she was white as a sheet. "Is that all it is?" he asked her.

She nodded, not making eye contact, and he knew that there was more than she was letting on. He also knew that the chances of getting Chas to talk about something she didn't want to were as small as those of getting him to sing 'Livin' La Vida Loca' whilst dancing on a table in the pub. He knew what she was facing today and understood how hard it must be for her. Just carrying the little coffin into the pub had been enough to make his own stomach churn.

He nudged her leg with his foot. "Chin up kidda" he said when she looked up, "you can do this, easy."

"Mmm" Chas mumbled, "easy".

"Alright then, not easy, very very hard. But you know we're all here for you. Are you sure you don't want anyone else with you today? I can take the afternoon off work. Or Charity…"

"I'll be fine" Chas interrupted. "Honestly, I appreciate the offer, but I just want this to be straightforward and simple. Everyone can say their goodbyes on Saturday."

Cain nodded. "Esther's here, I just…"

"I know, I saw" Chas's voice shook as she spoke. She could feel another wave of nausea hit her. She pulled herself back up over the toilet and wretched a bit, but nothing came up.

Cain knelt beside her and rubbed her back. When she'd stopped, her stood and ran a glass of water from the tap and handed it to her. She swallowed a few mouthfuls gratefully.

"Do you need anything?" he asked, worriedly, "some medication from downstairs or summat?"

"No. Thanks" Chas replied as she sank back down against the wall. This was taking too much energy out of her, energy she didn't have to waste.

Cain sat back opposite her. Their feet were nearly touching and it felt familiar sitting there like that. He felt useless, like when they'd found her at Shellbourne House and he hadn't known what to do. It was a running theme through their lives, him not doing the right thing by her.

He remembered why it felt so familiar to be sat toe to toe on the floor with Chas, and suddenly he knew exactly what to say to her.

"Do you remember when Shadrach had that fake jewellery scam going and the filth kept raiding the flat?"

Chas squinted as she tried to recall the particular scam he was talking about, "I dunno, maybe".

"He made us hide with all the gear in the cubby hole behind the boiler and lock it from the inside. We'd sit like this, toe to toe, for hours while they'd tear the place apart. You were only just turned six, and you hated sitting in the dark. It used to scare you, hearing the cops banging on the walls and us not being able to see anything. You'd never admit to being scared like, but the relief on your face when I nicked us a torch to keep in there. Then you were happy as a pig in the proverbial; used to take your books in there and read 'em even when there wasn't a raid on."

Cain laughed at the memory, he remembered teasing her for being a bookworm, a swot, but he was secretly jealous that she could take such refuge in books. He'd never had the brains or patience for reading. He became more serious as he told the next part to Chas, who sat listening, enthralled by the tale that stirred a whisper of a memory, but nothing solid in her mind. "Until one day, I got in late one evening and found the whole place turned over and neither you nor Shadrach anywhere to be seen. I figured you'd gone to a mate's and he'd gone on a bender, so I went to the kitchen to make a sarnie. I was halfway through spreading the jam on me bread, when I heard a little voice coming from somewhere behind me. I looked and saw that the cops had moved a cupboard in front of the cubby when they were searching the flat.

"Shadrach had obviously gone without checking you could get out and you'd been stuck in there all day. When I moved the cupboard and opened the door, you scrambled out of there quicker than I've ever seen anyone move before or since. The torch had run out of batteries and you'd been sat in the dark for hours on your own. You launched yourself at me and wouldn't let go. For a full hour you sat on my knee and sobbed, there was no consoling you. I thought at one point I was going to have to ring a doctor or summat to calm you down. Your hands were bleeding and your knees were grazed from trying to push your way out of the cubby.

"When you'd finally calmed down, we sat and ate jam and bread and we both made a vow to never let another adult use us again. To only trust each other and never ever let anyone know they've hurt us. I'd forgotten about that until just now. I think I've broken that vow more times than I could count. I was always wrapped up in my own resentment and anger, that I completely forgot there were two of us living in that flat, with that…stupid excuse for a dad…"

"Don't..." Chas said, not wanting to hear the usual diatribe Cain always indulged in when speaking of Shadrach.

"…And you'd always have an excuse for him. For why he was never there and why when he was there he'd be either drunk or thieving off us. It made me resent you as well, for not hating him. And you seemed so sorted as you got older, and so bossy, it was easy to forget you were ever that scared little six year old blubbing into my T-shirt."

Chas was stupefied. She couldn't remember Cain ever speaking like this to her before – so honestly, and with so much feeling. "I used to make the same excuses for you, you know? You and me dad. Because you were both idiots, but you were my idiots and I'm the only one allowed to say so".

Cain acknowledged what she said with a nod "yeah, I was an idiot. I know I made things really hard for you sometimes, well, quite often. And who knows where we'd be if I'd stuck to that vow. But I'll tell you something, I've never been so scared as I was when I was waiting for you to come out of surgery the other week. I came so close to losing you and I honestly don't know what I'd have done. You're the only one that understands what it's been like, that _really_ gets it. What I'm trying to say is, I know you're scared, that you think you can't get through this, but think about what you've faced in the past. I want to make a new vow; that I'll help you get through this in any way I can. That from now on, you can trust me with anything. I won't let you down again."

When she was eleven and Cain started to get into real trouble, Chas would imagine him saying something like this to her. She wanted her brother back so badly – the one who listened to her when she'd tell him he was crossing the line and who only committed petty crimes out of necessity. He'd always been a moody git, but he'd sometimes been a laugh and he'd been protective of her when she'd needed him to be. But once Charity had gone, it was like she'd become invisible to him as well. He thought of no one but himself. His crimes and his cronies became worse and worse until she realised there was none of the old Cain left anymore. He'd only calmed down when he'd moved to Emmerdale and Zak had kicked him into touch. Then Debbie had come along and he'd softened somewhat. But their relationship had never fully repaired itself. She knew how hard it had been for Cain to lay himself bare like that and she appreciated it. Hearing him talk about the past gave her strength to face her future.

"Thanks" she smiled at him. He smiled back. He nudged her foot with his and she did the same.

"Mum?" a voice from the stairs made them both jump. Aaron poked his head round the door and, just as Cain had, looked at them in confusion. "You okay?"

"Yeah, fine love" Chas answered with a smile.

"It's nearly time to go" Aaron said.

"Alright kid, I'll be down in five" she told him. Happy with this, Aaron left them to it.

Cain stood up and reached out a hand to Chas. He pulled her up gently and was taken by surprise when she pulled him into a hug.

"Thank you" she whispered into his ear, then left the room to get changed.

Cain was left standing in the bathroom, feeling rung out. He was emotionally exhausted from his talk, but felt like a weight had been lifted from his heart. He just hoped the same could be said for his little sister.


	42. Chapter 42

Chapter Forty Two

Chas managed to tidy her hair and makeup back to pretty much what they'd been before her little wobble. Her dress fit her perfectly. It was so floaty it didn't aggravate her wound and it covered her from neck to knee, so she didn't feel at all exposed. She wore her black coat, some black leggings and her black boots with it, since it was so cold outside.

When she arrived downstairs, Cain had gone and Carl had arrived. Diane and Aaron were also there, waiting for Chas. As soon as she'd got in the room Diane pulled her into a hug. She seemed upset. Chas was surprised but hugged her back as a natural reflex.

"Diane? What's happened" she asked looking at Aaron questioningly. He just shrugged at her.

"Sorry pet" Diane sniffed as she let Chas go. She had tears running down her face. "Ignore me, I'm being silly. I hope it goes okay today. I'd better go" and with that, she bustled out of the room, blowing her nose with a giant hankie.

"Is she alright?" she asked Aaron.

"Yeah, she just got a bit emotional when Cain brought Esther in" he told her.

She looked over at Carl, who was stood by the table staring at the box she'd seen Cain carrying in earlier. She took a deep breath to steady herself and walked over to stand next to him.

When she saw the coffin properly for the first time, she gasped in surprise. It was so small – she'd had shoes come in bigger boxes – but oh so beautiful. It was made out of a solid oak that had been hand carved with such detail, she couldn't resist reaching out and tracing her fingers along the side. Each edge had little flowers etched all the way along. Tiny pressed purple flowers were dotted over the four sides of the little box. And on the top had been carved in an elaborate flowing script,

_Esther Freda King_  
><em>10th-14th December 2011<em>

_Everything's a story - You are a story - I am a story_

"Uncle Zak carved it" Aaron said, watching as a single tear dropped from his mother's eye and landed on the box, "Belle, Samson and Sarah picked and pressed the flowers. They all wanted to make it special".

"It is" Chas said, "it's beautiful. But the quote, how…?"

Carl spoke for the first time since she'd come downstairs, "Scarlett's idea. She asked everyone what your favourite book is. Belle told her you used to read her A Little Princess all the time when she was little. She found the quote and thought it fit".

"It's just a shame it's going to be turned to ashes" Chas said with grim humour. She was taken aback by the efforts her family had gone to in marking her daughter's passing, she hadn't expected any of it. She stroked the casket one last time and then walked towards the door. "We should get going" she said as she opened the door and the two men followed her out, Carl carrying the small box carefully in both hands.

Aaron was on his third cigarette. He'd been pacing up and down outside the crematorium for fifteen minutes, wondering what was going on inside. The journey there had been silent, with Chas in the front staring out of the window, and Carl in the back, staring at Esther's coffin, which he held tightly on his lap.

Aaron had been to see his counsellor that morning. It had been the first time he'd spoken to him since everything had kicked off, and a one hour session had turned into a three hour marathon of a talk. But it had helped him work through some of the conflicting emotions he'd been having about the situation. He'd spent a long time talking with Phil about what he'd learnt about his mother's past and how it had changed his view of her. Over the last couple of weeks, he'd been swinging wildly through a range of emotions. Sometimes he'd felt guilty that he'd always dismissed his mother's behaviour as selfish without giving her a chance to explain herself. Then he'd felt regret for the time wasted hating her when they could have built a solid relationship. After that would come anger towards her, for not telling him all of it sooner. He'd kept on asking for Phil's opinion on why Chas had never told him any of it.

"She must have known it'd change my opinion of her. Why wouldn't she tell me if it'd help things between us?"

"I couldn't really say without talking to her about it. Why do you think she'd keep all that to herself?"

"Before all this, I would have said because she didn't give a damn. But now...I think she probably thought she didn't deserve to be my mum. Like she thinks she didn't deserve Esther. Or maybe she'd rather lose me than be honest with me, I don't know".

"I think you know what the likeliest reason is though. For someone who grew up with nothing, the idea of putting her own child through the same would probably be unthinkable to your mum. She knew you'd never go without if she left you with your dad, and yes, you're right, she most likely didn't have the confidence in herself to be a good mother."

"So she just gave up" said Aaron.

"Gave up on who though?" Phil asked.

Aaron sensed he was being led to a point, as if he was on the brink of a revelation. He hated this part of counselling, where he felt like he was back at school trying to figure out a maths problem with his teacher breathing down his neck. But this time he thought he could figure out the equation without much effort. His mind flashed back to a time when he was visiting the village as a child and he'd overheard Del moaning about his mother. She'd said that she'd always destroyed anything that was good in her life, that she'd always waited until things were going well and then done something spectacularly stupid to mess things up. He remembered thinking at the time 'who'd be stupid enough to do that to themselves?', but he'd found himself doing the same thing, over and over again. He'd messed things up with so many people over the years - his dad, his mum, Paddy, Jackson, Adam - by pushing them away when they got close. The only reason he hadn't managed to completely destroy his relationship with most of them was because they'd not given up on him.

"Herself" he whispered as it dawned on him what the answer to Phil's question was. She'd given up on herself - that's why she left him with his dad - she thought he'd be better off without her.

Phil nodded. He told Aaron that he was pleased and encouraged by the way he had been dealing with this change of circumstances – that it showed he was starting to approach his life and its obstacles in a mature and balanced way.  
>Phil had given him advice on how to help Chas through her grief. He told him that everyone deals with loss differently, and what he might have felt when Jackson died might not be exactly the way his mother may feel about her daughter's death. But Aaron could see that she still had feelings of shame and guilt, just as he had. He'd turned his feelings into anger and self-destruction. He just hoped his mother wasn't going to do the same.<p>

His impatience and curiosity finally got the better of him, and he threw his cigarette on the floor and walked up the steps to the crematorium. He opened one of the heavy doors until there was a gap large enough to spy through. He could see their backs as they stood, heads bowed, side by side. He could hear the melodic strums of a ukulele playing as a version of Somewhere Over the Rainbow was drifting through the speakers. As the curtains started to close, he grabbed her hand and they linked fingers. She leaned into him slightly. They fit. Bound in grief and love and hate and history. They'd always dance their dance. Aaron watched his mum pull away from her ex as the song faded away. They turned to look at each other and she said something to him Aaron couldn't hear. He nodded as he reached out to wipe something from her face. She stepped back before he could touch her, shaking her head sadly. Aaron saw them turning towards the door so he let it fall shut before he was seen and walked quickly back to the car.

He leaned against the car nonchalantly, pretending to be looking at something in the distance when the doors opened once more and Carl and Chas emerged. He could see that his mum was moving very slowly, struggling to hide the pain as she winced with every step. She was pale and shaky and leaning heavily on Carl for support. Carl looked up at Aaron with a worried look and Aaron rushed over to her other side.

"What happened?" he asked, allowing his mum to lean on him as well as Carl as she struggled on, making her way slowly towards the car.

"I'm fine" Chas said, but her attempt at covering her pain was diminished by the fact she had to speak through gritted teeth.

"Yeah I can see that" Aaron said sarcastically. He looked at Carl for more info but he was just as confused as Aaron.

"She was fine, and then she wasn't" he told Aaron.

"Helpful" Aaron replied.

"Honestly, I just need to get home and take some more painkillers. I think I may have thrown the last lot up" Chas told them meekly. She felt stupid for not thinking about the fact that throwing up earlier meant her medication wouldn't work properly. She'd managed to bear the pain whilst stood saying goodbye to her daughter, but when it was finished, it was like all her energy had been used up, she could no longer ignore the intense pain stabbing through her chest and abdomen.

They walked her to the car and helped her into the back seat. Carl got in the other side and told Chas to lean against him. She was in too much pain to argue, and lay against him, finding that laying almost flat helped slightly as she no longer had to hold herself up. Aaron got in the front and drove as smoothly and evenly as he could to avoid jolting the car and causing her more pain. Every so often, he'd move the rear view mirror so he could see the back seat. Chas lay with her eyes shut and her face contorted in pain as Carl held her and stroked her hair and murmured into her ear. Aaron could see the love Carl had for Chas. It was clear that he'd happily swap places with her and take all the pain away if he could. Aaron didn't understand how someone usually so arrogant could show so much compassion.

When they arrived back in the village, Carl carried Chas into the pub and upstairs into her bedroom, followed by Aaron, who had grabbed some water and a baggie of pills from the cupboard. Chas couldn't think straight, she was in so much agony. Tears of pain fell from her eyes. Carl lay her on her bed and wiped her tears away with his hand. He supported her to sit up as Aaron helped her swallow the pills one by one, then Carl let her rest against him once more. She was too exhausted to really know what she was doing. She felt his familiar arms and smelt his familiar smell and, knowing she was safe, she let herself fall into a half sleep.

Carl saw Aaron hovering and knew he was deciding whether or not to kick him out. He knew he had to convince him somehow that he was there with good intentions.

"I'll stay with her until the pills kick in and then I'll go, I promise" he told Aaron solemnly.

Aaron didn't know what to do for the best. Every ingrained instinct within him was telling him not to let Carl stay. But he saw how just being next to him was helping Chas relax and he didn't want to hurt her because of his own hatred towards the man. He nodded and left.

Once he was gone, Carl kissed the top of Chas's head and held her close until he felt her gradually untense and fall deeper into unconsciousness. He shifted from underneath her and lay her so she'd be comfortable in the bed on her own. He then kissed her softly on the forehead and, just as he'd promised, left her to sleep.


	43. Chapter 43

Chapter Forty Three

Carl went downstairs and into the back room to get his jacket. He was greeted by Diane sat at the table, pouring out two glasses of scotch. She looked up at him and pushed a glass towards him, indicating with her head to sit with her. He pulled a chair out and sat opposite Diane, taking a grateful sip of the scotch.

"Thanks" he said.

Diane took a swig of her own. It was only five 'o clock, but she felt it was deserved. She also felt it was time she had a little chat with the younger King brother.

"How is she?" she asked him.

He shrugged. "She's asleep" he paused and looked Diane square in the eyes, worry and despair shining through. "I've never seen her like this. Have you?"

Diane shook her head. She'd seen Chas go through tough times over the last ten years, more often than not because of the man sat in front of her. But she'd always come back fighting. She'd only ever shown brief glimpses of weakness, before pulling her armour back on and getting on with life. Now it was the other way round; showing brief glimpses of strength, but unable to sustain them for very long. It was like all the life had been sucked out of her.

"I think this has been a bit too hard of a knock this time pet. She's not getting back up as quick."

They both finished what was in their glasses and Diane filled them again.

"That's why I need to speak to you" Diane said as she put the bottle back on the table, "whatever is happening with you and her..."

"Nothing..." Carl tried to interrupt but Diane spoke over him.

"Whatever it is, and I've known you both too long to see that there's something. But she's never been so vulnerable, and it'd be wrong to take advantage of that, whether you think that's what you're doing or not. I want you to think long and hard about the way you've treated her in the past, and ask yourself if she'll thank you in the long run for forcing your way back into her life whilst she's too weak to put up a fight".

Carl was swirling his whisky around in his glass as he listened to Diane. He couldn't blame her for what she was saying, it was all true. In the past, when he'd pressured Chas to leave Paddy and come back to him, or when he'd played games with her head to try to win her back, he'd done it knowing that everything he'd throw at her, she'd chuck back tenfold. She was a worthy adversary, a sparring partner and an equal in wit and temper. He had forced his way back into her life before, but only because he knew that's what she wanted but was too scared to admit.

This time was different. His own head was a mess, but he knew that nothing he was feeling compared to what Chas was going through. He didn't want to play games or force his way anywhere. He didn't want to do anything at that moment but comfort her and be comforted by her.

"I don't want to take advantage of her, I swear. I just want to be there for her Diane" he said sincerely. "I love her. I always have and I always will, whether she loves me back or not. Having Esther made me think we might still have a chance at being together again someday. But now she's gone..."

Diane put her hand on Carl's. She could see how much losing his daughter had affected him and how genuine he was about his feelings for Chas.

"Just promise me you'll keep on her terms"

"I promise" he said forcefully, looking Diane square in the eye, "not that I'll be allowed near her after Saturday, what with her family of guard dogs keeping us apart" he added.

Diane chuckled, "I don't know who you mean" she said sarcastically, knowing full well he was talking about Aaron and Cain. "At the end of the day love, they can't stop Chas from doing anything she wants to do any more than you can make her do anything she doesn't. And if they try, they'll be getting the same speech I've just given you".

Carl nodded, grateful for someone to talk to that wasn't Jimmy. "Do you think she's gonna be okay?" he asked her.

To Diane, he looked like a child asking if Father Christmas was real, scared to know the answer, waiting to have his hopes dashed. She wanted to reassure him, tell him what he wanted to hear. But she had to be honest. "I really don't know pet. I don't know how anyone can come back from something like this unchanged. When Laurel lost Daniel, it was like a part of her died with him. And even though it miraculously worked out well, and she got Arthur, she'll tell you herself, she feels marked by her loss."

Carl nodded in understanding. He knew exactly what she meant - every time he thought of Esther, it burned somewhere inside and he knew that that feeling would never go away. But he was glad of that, as he never wanted to forget his hidden gem.

Diane continued, "But Laurel had known about Daniel. She'd prepared for him for nine months, given birth to him, been his mother for weeks before he died. She knew him and he knew her. Chas never had that with Esther. And many might say that was a blessing in disguise - to not really know what you've lost..."

Carl shook his head. "Some blessing. It's like grieving for a ghost. She was there and then she was gone, before I even had a chance to take it in. I sometimes feel like a fraud for being so gutted she's gone, like I didn't know her long enough to miss her".

"Well you're not. She was a part of you and she was real and you have every right to grieve her like any parent grieves for a child."

"So does Chas. She was her mum, she gave her life. But even today in the crematorium, she'd start to show some sort of emotion and then completely shut down. It's like she's stopping herself from grieving"

"I think you're right. I don't think she feels she can let go at the moment, probably for fear of never being able to rein herself in again. But you've got to remember she's not well. She shouldn't really be out of hospital, she's pushed herself too hard to get out. The doctor said she's exhausted and has been for months, but will she stop and rest? Will she 'eck! Something's got to give and I hope to god it's not her."

"Well what do we do?" Carl asked, now even more worried about the woman sleeping above them.

"I'm trying my best to make her rest, eat and take her medication. Everything else is going to take time."

Carl nodded and finished his drink. He stood and put his jacket on. "Thanks Diane" he said and surprised her with a peck on the cheek before he quickly left the room.

Diane gave a small smile as she thought that perhaps all wasn't lost when it came to the redemption of Carl King's soul. Perhaps there was hope for these two yet.

Meanwhile, unseen by Carl and unheard by Diane, an eavesdropper sat on the stairs, taking in everything they'd just heard.


	44. Chapter 44

Hiya, sorry for such a long delay, I've had computer issues for a while. All sorted now though. Here's the next chapter, mostly about Chas and Charity - two of my favourite characters. I'm going to miss their scenes together when Chameron is exposed.

Chapter Forty Four

Later that night, Aaron was sat at the bar in the pub, tucking into a cottage pie, whilst Cain sat next to him, grilling him about the day's events.

"Debbie said she saw Carl carrying Chas into the pub. Now she's not answering her phone"

"Her phone's turned off" Aaron mumbled though a mouth of mashed potato, "and she's asleep. Her pain medication wore off while she was there, but she's fine now".

Cain looked towards Diane, who confirmed with a nod. Satisfied that all was fine, he took a seat next to his nephew and ordered a pint. The pub was busy, it being so near to Christmas, and Diane and Alicia were run off their feet. They were even allowing Rachel to do some bar shifts to help out on really busy nights. It wasn't just Chas's company Diane was missing, it was her partnership in the business – she'd not realised how much she'd come to depend on Chas over the last year. The sooner she was well and able to work, the better.

Charity came in and swept up to where Cain and Aaron were sitting. "She alright?" she asked, "did it go okay? Only Debbie said…"

"She's fine" Cain interrupted, "she's upstairs" he told her.

"Well you could text your daughter that, she's worried sick over at yours" Charity fumed at her ex.

Cain raised his eyebrows at her, but got his phone out anyway. He'd forgotten he'd told Debbie he'd text her with news.

Charity made her way around the bar to where Diane was serving a customer, "is it okay if I go up and see her?" she asked.

"I think she's asleep pet" Diane told her.

Charity looked dubious, "well if she is, I'll leave her be. If not, then I can check she's alright. I won't wake her or owt. Brownies' honour" and she held up her fingers in a strange wave.

Diane laughed, "as if you were ever in the Brownies! Go on then. If you want, you can take her the next batch of pills, some water and there's an apple pie in the fridge, take her a bit of that up. Should go down easy, she needs to eat something".

Charity smiled her gratitude and went to the backroom to collect everything, then crept up the stairs and along the corridor to Chas's room. She pushed the door open with her foot because her hands were full. She found Chas sat up in bed, staring out of the window. She was rubbing one hand with the other and taking deep breaths, lost in some sort of daze. Charity walked into the room and set everything down on the bedside table, but Chas didn't notice her, she kept staring at the sky outside, rubbing her hand. Charity reached out slowly and grabbed Chas's right hand, pulling it gently away from the left. Chas turned to look at her and frowned.

"What you doing?" she whispered innocently, big brown eyes shining at her in the moonlight.

"Just come to see how you're doing babe" Charity answered as she leant in and kissed her cousin on the forehead. She passed her a bowl with apple pie and ice cream, "here – brought you something to eat, you must be starving. It's your favourite – I think Marlon made it"

Chas took the bowl and ate a few mouthfuls, not reacting, just doing as she was told. Charity emptied out the bag of pills and handed her them, one at a time and she swallowed them down without a fuss, then went back to her food. This worried Charity – she could deal with happy Chas, angry Chas, bolshy Chas, even crying Chas, but when she was behaving herself, doing as she was told, there was something seriously wrong. She watched as she finished the bowl of apple pie and took a large drink of water, then took the bowl and glass and put them on the table. She saw that Chas was still wearing her dress and leggings.

"Here," she said, moving to help her take her dress off, "let me help you out of these…"

But Chas moved quickly away from her, avoiding her hands, her eyes all of a sudden wide with fear.

"Whoa, Chas, what's up? It's me" Charity tried to reassure her, "you need to get out of them and put your nightie on" Chas shook her head. Charity thought for a minute. "How about I go and get you your nightie and you get changed yourself then?" she tried. A nod. Charity crossed the room and pulled out a clean nightie from Chas's drawers. She passed it to her and picked up the stuff from the bedside table. "Right," she told Chas firmly, "I'm off to take these downstairs, and for a pee, then I'll be back to check you're out of them clothes, in that nightie, and in bed".

She took the empty bag and bowl downstairs and put the bowl in the sink. She took her phone out of her handbag and called Jai.

"Babe? I'm at the pub…ha ha, no not drinking, I'm with Chas…Yeah, okay…well, not okay, but…I'm gonna stay here tonight, are you okay with Noah?...Yeah, I just wanna stay with her that's all, just me being silly….Okay babe, don't let him stay up too late, love you. Bye"

Diane had come into the room halfway through her conversation and stood waiting for her to finish.

"You heard that?" Diane nodded, "is that okay? I'll bunk in with Chas, I just…."

Diane patted her on the shoulder, "I know pet, it's fine. I'm sure you'll be a comfort to her. She awake?"

"Yeah, but hopefully not for too long, she's had some food and her tablets and she looks ready to drop. I have to speak to her like she's Noah's age, but I think I'm just about getting through to her. I'll see you tomorrow" she smiled at Diane and made her way upstairs.

"Night pet" Diane watched her go, hoping the younger woman's optimism wasn't misplaced.

When Charity returned to Chas's room, she found her sat shivering in her nightie. She went back to the drawers, pulled out another nightie and quickly changed into it, aware that Chas was watching her silently. She pulled back the bedcovers, "in," she said firmly, and Chas climbed into bed, followed quickly by Charity, who was already freezing in the cold room. She pulled the covers over the both of them and they lay on their backs, side by side, staring up at the ceiling.

"Was it bad?" Charity whispered.

"Yeah" Chas whispered back, "but not…" she drifted off, not knowing how to explain.

"Not what?" Charity pushed her, knowing she needed to talk.

"It wasn't bad because of why you think. Scarlett had made it nice, the coffin, the songs, the flowers. It was a nice goodbye. But then I messed it up. Again."

"No you didn't"

"I did. I couldn't even make it through that without falling apart and causing a fuss. It was supposed to be about Esther and it ended up being about me again."

Charity turned onto her side so she was facing her cousin. The moonlight was bouncing off her pale face, making the tears in her eyes shine brightly. "Did you do it on purpose?" she asked.

Chas shook her head, "'course not. But…"

"But nothing. You're not psychic babe, you need to give yourself a break"

Chas closed her eyes without responding. Charity watched her for a while, waiting for a sign that she'd fallen asleep. She could hear the faint noises of the busy pub downstairs and found her eyes drifting closed.

What seemed like seconds later, she was jolted awake by a sudden movement next to her. Chas had sat bolt upright in bed and cried out something unintelligible. She was sodden with sweat and her breathing was erratic. Charity sat up next to her, but Chas had obviously forgotten she was there, because this made her jump.

"It's okay, it's just me" Charity whispered to her. She looked over at the clock and saw it was past midnight. She reached out and brushed Chas's wet hair out of her face, trying to calm her. She passed her the water from the table and she gulped it down, then lay back in bed, exhausted. Charity did the same, only this time she snuggled up as close as she could to the other woman. She grabbed her hand under the cover and squeezed it, reassured to feel a squeeze back. Chas turned to face Charity and they lay, foreheads touching, hand in hand, waiting for sleep to welcome them once more.


	45. Chapter 45

Chapter Forty Five

Aaron came downstairs early the next morning to find Charity sat on the sofa, fully dressed, nursing a coffee and reading a magazine. He knew she'd stopped over last night, but wasn't expecting to see her up so early.

"Morning" she said when she'd noticed his presence. She turned to look at him and he saw that she had bags under her eyes and her hair was ratty – a far cry from the usually glamorous woman he knew.

"You look rough" he told her bluntly.

She laughed. "You're a right charmer, you. Did you go to the same charm school as your uncle?"

"Sorry" Aaron said as he went to pour a coffee.

"It's okay. Had a rough night."

Aaron nodded in understanding, "she in bed?" he asked.

Charity shook her head, "nah, she's gone out" she told him.

"What?" Aaron looked back at Charity in surprise, "where?"

"For a walk" Charity told him without concern.

"For a walk? On her own? At six thirty in the morning?"

Charity looked at her watch "Six. She went out ages ago."

Aaron was still half asleep, but he knew enough to know this was odd and he couldn't understand why Charity wasn't worried about it. Charity saw his confusion and threw her magazine on the table and patted the sofa next to her. "Sit" she said.

Aaron frowned at her "what am I? A dog?" but one look from Charity and he dropped the attitude and brought his coffee over to the sofa.

"She's gonna be fine, you know?" Charity spoke softly, but with confidence.

Aaron scoffed, "do you think her bedroom's soundproofed or summat? I can hear her shouting out at night, I can hear her…"

"Sobbing, crying, yeah course you can. And it's horrible, I know…"

"You know?" Aaron shot back angrily, "you know? You've spent one night here, you know nothing. How can you say you know? She's never been like this before, what if she never recovers? What if she gets worse?" Aaron's fears were spilling out now.

"Who says?" Charity asked calmly.

"What?"

"Who says she's never been like this before?" she asked again.

"Everyone. I've heard 'em. Zak, Lisa, Cain, Debbie, Diane…"

"Just cos they've never seen her like this, means nothing" Charity said.

"What you saying?" Aaron asked, confused. It was too early to be playing guessing games.

"Do you think she just walked out on you and your dad and went out partying?" Charity asked him, confusing him even further.

"Yeah" he replied, "she told me herself she went on a bender. With you. So yeah, I do".

Charity shook her head in frustration, "No. She went on the bender before she made up her mind to leave Gordon. She went back to get you. And when he wouldn't tell her where you were, let her see you…Esther's not the first kid she's lost. And she was eighteen then, with nothing and no one but me, poor kid."

"You were the friend…the one whose couch she kipped on?" Aaron said, realisation dawning, his memories of what Chas had told him coming to the surface.

"Yeah, but don't let on to Cain. If he finds out she knew where I lived and never told him…"

Aaron saw fear flit across her features and wondered if his uncle really warranted that kind of reaction. He nodded to show his compliance, reflecting on the fact that even whilst in shock and bleeding half to death, his mother never gave that fact away.

"Every night she'd wake up screaming, for weeks. Annoyed my housemates no end. She didn't eat properly – I could only get her to eat jaffa cakes - and I'd find her sat, staring out of windows, sobbing her little heart out. So don't tell me I don't know. But kid, that's how I know now that she'll be okay. She needs to work through it, just like last time. Walks are good for her, she needs to get out and get some fresh air in her lungs, knacker herself out a bit. Maybe then she'll sleep longer than ten minutes at a time"

"But it's so cold…" Aaron started.

"She's got fur lined boots, two jumpers, a winter coat, hat, scarf and gloves on. Looks like a snowman"

Aaron couldn't laugh; his worries weren't yet allayed "what if this completely breaks her? I mean, this has got to be worse than then –she had no choice in this. And Esther's gone".

Charity shook her head in frustration, "you think she had a choice then? An eighteen year old with no home, no qualifications, only work experience as a dancer? And do you know what she could have been? Anything, that's what. She was such a smart kid - smarter than Our Belle even. Teachers all told her to apply for the grammar school, tried to get her to go for scholarships, put her on fast tracks, told her to think about Oxbridge."

"And I suppose it's my fault she ended up how she did?" Aaron fumed defensively.

"No, it was her feckless dad's fault. And her feckless brother. And her own for not telling them to stuff it. She did give up a lot for you – she could have gone places, seen things, been someone. But I think all she ever really wanted was to be part of a family - a proper family. And when she left your dad, she felt like that was never gonna happen and she thought it was because she didn't deserve one. And what's worse than having a child dead and gone? Having a child who is growing up ten minutes down the road from you and not being allowed to see him. And feeling an utter failure because of it.

"But now she's got you. And me and Gennie, the whole extended clan, Diane…the village. She's not alone, she has a massive family supporting her and she'll see that tomorrow. That's how I know she'll get through it. Just put a bit of trust in her Aaron, do you not think she deserves that much?"

Aaron nodded, unable to speak, thoughts whirring a hundred miles an hour around his brain. He'd never thought of it like that before. And although he guessed Charity was talking at least in part about her own experience of giving Debbie up, he was starting to see that it was never as black and white a situation as he'd thought when it came to his mum leaving. And although this realisation that he'd underestimated his mother's love for him all these years made his heart ache, it also gave him hope that she really could make it through this in one piece.


	46. Chapter 46

Chapter Forty Six

Meanwhile, Paddy was driving back from an emergency call out when something caught his eye down by the river. He parked his car up by the road and walked down to investigate. When his eyes had adjusted to the moonlight, he saw he wasn't imagining things, there really was someone there, and that someone was his ex. She was sat on a rock, staring at the frozen water, breath curling up from her mouth in misty streams, so cold was the air around them.

"Paddy" Chas greeted him, not looking up, but obviously aware of his presence.

"Chas" he returned, not knowing what else to say, "what are you doing out here?"

"Sitting. Thinking."

Paddy joined her on the rock, sitting close, not because of any feelings he had for her - he was over that crush, and loved Rhona and Leo more than he knew was possible. But it didn't stop him wanting to protect her, especially now, with her looking so small and vulnerable.

"You?" Chas's voice broke through his musings.

"Eh?"

"What are you doing out here at stupid o' clock?"

"Emergency call out. Mrs Matheson's goat was having breathing difficulties. Turned out it had swallowed a tennis ball"

"She needs to keep that thing tethered properly" Chas laughed, "how come you drew the short straw?"

"Rhona was up with Leo at four" Paddy replied, "only fair really".

"You're a good man Paddy Kirk" Chas said as she turned to look at him for the first time. Her hat fell over her forehead and her scarf covered her up to her chin, but there was no covering her red eyes, or her cheeks damp with tears. Paddy couldn't resist, he went to pull her into a hug, but she avoided his arm "no, I'm alright, I'm fine" she tried to say, but she couldn't stop her voice catching, the words trembling, as she broke down, allowing Paddy to put his arms around her. "I'm sorry….I'm sorry" she kept repeating between sobs as he hushed her and rubbed her back.

"D'you know," he spoke softly, "when my dad died, I thought that if I cried, I'd be letting him down somehow. So I kept it all in, stamped down my feelings, refused to talk about it to anyone. I was nine. And I felt wretched, completely wretched about everything for two years, until one day I was at football practice and someone slide tackled me and cut my leg pretty badly with his studs. It hurt, and I cried at first because it hurt, but then I carried on crying and couldn't stop. They had to call my mum to come and pick me up. I cried all the way home in the car, and all the way through the two episodes of Doctor Who my mum put on to try to calm me down. When I'd finished, I felt so much better, and I regretted waiting so long to let it go."

Paddy knew Chas was listening, even though she didn't acknowledge it. He wanted her to know that there was no shame in crying, in showing her vulnerability. He stopped talking and they sat for another ten minutes in silence, Chas wrapped tightly in the safety of her ex's arms. Eventually, she pulled away from him and sat up, wiping her face with her scarf and mustering her best smile for him.

"Always manage to take advantage of you, don't I, Padster" she joked.

He grinned, "feel free, any time. Maybe somewhere warmer next time".

"I can't promise that" she said, "you are coming tomorrow aren't you?" Paddy shook his head and was about to say no, but Chas jumped in, "you have to come, you're more family than half my family. Please? If not for me, for Aaron?"

Paddy shook his head again, but for different reasons, "Why would I not come for you? Of course I'd come for you" he told her.

She smiled, "thanks" she whispered, "bring Rhona and Leo too, it'll be a typical Dingle wake, I'm guessing".

"Only if you let me take you home now" Paddy said, noticing she was shivering despite her many layers.

She nodded and let him pull her to her feet and lead her to his car. They drove the short distance to the pub in comfortable silence. Once there, Chas gave Paddy a peck on the cheek and climbed out. Paddy waited until she'd let herself into the back door before he pulled away, back towards the comfort of Smithy Cottage and his waiting family.

When Chas had shed her many winter outer garments, she entered the back room, surprised to find Charity asleep on the sofa and Aaron sat eating breakfast at the table. Expecting the third degree from Aaron, she drew herself up to her highest height and walked as confidently as she could over to the kitchen.

"You're up early" she said as she poured herself some juice and got some apple pie out of the fridge.

"Mmm" Aaron agreed, eating cereal and drinking a second cup of coffee. He wasn't fooled by her bravado; he could see she'd been crying again. But he kept Charity's words in his head as he played along. "I'm opening up early so we can shut up shop at four. Cain's orders" he told her.

"How come?" Chas asked as she pulled her medication out of the bag and swallowed it all, managing not to grimace this time.

"Family dinner in the pub later, his treat" he replied.

As expected, his mum balked at this idea. "Not me though?" she asked hopefully.

Aaron nodded, "yeah, you'll be expected. Everyone's missed you".

"I'll see everyone tomorrow" she protested, but knew herself this was a weak argument.

"Not the same is it?" Aaron said. But he took pity on her when he saw how scared she was at this prospect, "I'm not going to force you, no one is. But if you feel up to it, I think you should try. You have to go through there eventually, might as well be while your whole family's with you" he reasoned.

She nodded, agreeing, "I suppose".

Aaron smiled, "good. I'll see you later then" he downed the rest of his coffee and left, but not without adding "go back to bed Mam, you really need a decent kip if you're gonna get better".

Chas wondered when Aaron had become so sensible as she did as he said and took herself off to bed. She lay under the blankets, thinking about all the people who had reached out to her lately, and offered comfort and support. She'd never felt so cared about before and it was a strange feeling, but nice. She let herself drift off to sleep, knowing this time she'd have no nightmares plaguing her.


	47. Chapter 47

Chapter Forty Seven

Diane had reserved the group of tables in front of the bar for the Dingle clan and they'd all been pushed together so that the large group would all get a seat. Everyone was there: Zak, Lisa and Belle, Sam and Samson, Debbie and Sarah, Charity and Noah, Gennie, Cain and Aaron, and Marlon would be joining them once he'd made the food they'd ordered. It was a subdued affair, perhaps due to the conspicuous space waiting for Chas between Aaron and Gennie, which everybody kept looking at from the corner of their eyes. Finally, it was Belle who broke the spell.

"Is Chas coming?" she asked her dad, who looked to Lisa for help.

"We don't know sweetheart" she answered, "if she feels up to it".

"Course she's coming" Marlon said, appearing with the first of many plates of food, "I've made her fresh apple pie. Have you ever seen Our Chas turn down apple pie?" he asked the kids. They all smiled and shook their heads.

"Can I have apple pie?" Samson asked Sam.

"If you eat your sausage and chips" he replied.

Diane and Marlon came out with more plates of food, and soon all of the Dingles were tucking in, still eyeing the gap where Chas should have been.

"Should I go up?" Aaron asked Cain.

His uncle shook his head, "she knows we're here. Up to her now" he told him.

Belle didn't feel like eating her lasagne. She knew she wouldn't settle until she saw her cousin in the flesh. She'd still not seen her since the hospital and she'd been having dreams where her mum sat her down and told her that Chas had died in the hospital and they'd been waiting for the best time to tell her. She stood up and pushed her chair out, drawing the attention of most of the family.

"Off to the loo" she told them matter-of-factly. But instead of going to the public toilets, she walked to the side of the bar. "Is it okay if I use the loo in the back please Diane?" she asked in her sweetest, most polite voice. A nod from Diane and she waltzed through to the back room. Her aim was to go upstairs and find Chas, but it turned out she didn't have to look that far, because pacing the back room was the woman herself, looking nervous. She looked up as Belle walked in and stopped her pacing, her face turning from fearful to joyous when she realised who had entered.

"Hey Ding Dong" she beamed at her little cousin.

Belle's relief was palpable. She couldn't stop herself from bursting into tears as she ran to Chas and gave her a huge hug. Chas was glad that her pain medication had kicked in as she could only feel a minimum amount of pain as she squeezed back. They stood there for what seemed like ages until Chas spoke.

"Hey, what's all this about?" she cooed at Belle, pulling back and stroking her hair as the teenager wiped her eyes.

"I dunno" Belle said, a bit embarrassed now, "I'm sorry. I just missed you".

Chas pulled her into another hug, "missed you too kiddo. But I'm here now".

"I thought you weren't coming to dinner" Belle said after they'd pulled apart again.

Chas attempted to scoff at the idea "what, and miss apple pie?" she said. But Belle could see the fear in her eyes as they kept darting towards the door.

Belle looked properly at her cousin. She could see how fragile she still looked, how pale and tired she was. But anything was an improvement from the last time she'd seen her. "You're looking better" she told her and Chas laughed at the idea. She was wearing Aaron's clothes again, as they were the only thing she found didn't aggravate her wound. Her hair was pulled back into a ponytail and she had a bare minimum of makeup on.

"I dread to think what I looked like before" she joked.

But Belle didn't laugh. "You didn't look great" she told her, tears welling up again.

"Hey, stop being soft," Chas joked, "I'm fine now, look – nothing wrong! Could do a marathon next week if I wanted".

This made Belle giggle. She nodded towards the door, "are you coming out then or what?" she asked.

Chas took a deep breath, "Course I am, where else would I possibly want to be? But on one condition"

"What's that?" Belle asked, worried this was Chas's way of getting out of it.

"Only if I can sit next to you" she told her.

Belle beamed with pride and nodded her head. She took hold of Chas's hand and dragged her through before she could change her mind.

"Look who I found" Belle said loudly, not only drawing the attention of her family, but the whole pub, which wasn't what Chas really wanted. She kept her head down and tried to ignore the sudden silence that had descended on the room as an oblivious Belle made Gennie scooch over next to Aaron, so that Chas could sit in between her and Belle.

She sat as soon as Belle allowed her to and finally looked up to see all of her family smiling at her. It would have been creepy, especially with Aaron and Cain both trying and failing to stop grinning - she could probably count on one hand the amount of times she'd seen either of them smile, ever. But she could see the pride in their eyes, and took strength from it, even daring to look around the pub, all decked out in Christmas decorations.

Diane came over with a large bowl of hot apple pie and custard and placed it in front of her, laying her hand on her shoulder as she leant over, and giving it a supportive squeeze. "Place looks nice" Chas told her business partner quietly.

"Looks better now you're back in it" Diane replied with a smile and left the family to eat their food.

Everyone settled down and went back to eating, talking over each other with their mouths full and laughing at one of Zak's stories. Chas took in the atmosphere and wondered why she'd been so worried about coming through. This was her family – the Dingles – the best family anyone could ever wish for, and she was proud and delighted to still be able to sit with them and listen to Sam talking about his foot fungus.

Lisa looked up from her burger and caught Chas smiling wistfully as she watched the family interact. She had been doubtful that the girl would turn up to Cain's impromptu dinner party, knowing that she'd been hiding herself away these last few days. And she couldn't be more proud of her daughter to have been the one that had given Chas the push she'd needed to come through. That smile was such a reward, and a reminder that Chas was made of tougher stuff than the rest of them put together.

She'd not known Chas when she was young, only meeting her when she'd turned up in the village as a stripping nun for Marlon's stag do. She'd heard that Cain had a half-sister, Shadrach's daughter, and wondered with dismay what kind of horror this wretched creature would turn out to be; nobody growing up with Shadrach as their sole care provider could possibly amount to much – Cain had already proven this. But a girl, growing up under the influence of those two bandits, how could she be anything but bad mannered, bad tempered and rotten to the core?

So what a surprise it had been to find such a loving, bright young lady underneath the nun's cassock. Out of all the Dingles Lisa had met over the years, Chas was probably the most fiercely loyal to her family. She had stuck by her father when most would have given up years before, and defended Cain when nobody else was willing to. Sure, she had a hot head, and she could never be accused of being a lady, but Lisa saw all the best Dingle traits in Chas, and thought it was a shame she'd never really had the happiness she deserved. She seemed to have the same self-destructive gene as her brother – every time she was heading towards happiness, she seemed to find a way of messing it up. Not that Lisa thought any of this latest drama was self-inflicted, just horrendously bad luck.

She watched as Chas tucked into her food, glad she was still there to take part in such an occasion. She didn't like to dwell on how close they came to losing her, but she knew it had bothered both Zak and Belle more than either of them were letting on. She looked forward to tomorrow when they could give little Esther a proper send off and show Chas just how much they all loved her.

"Why does Chas get to eat pudding first?" queried Samson, bored of his sausages.

"Because Chas is poorly" Sam tried to say quietly to his son without Chas hearing.

"Sarah's poorly, but she has to eat her fish fingers" argued Samson loudly.

"But I'm going to get better," Sarah pointed out to her younger cousin, "because baby Esther has left me a special potion and it'll fix my blood and make me well again".

Chas had been coping quite well up to this point, but hearing Esther's name spoken aloud felt like something ripping inside her. She looked up and saw other people in the pub watching her, whispering about her with pitiful stares. She saw Betty nudge Edna at the table in the corner and tilt her head in her direction. At her own table, it felt like everyone was holding their breath to see how she was going to react. Very calmly, she nodded and smiled at Sarah, and speaking as evenly as she could she said, "that is because she knew how special you are, and how much we all love you." She stood slowly, excused herself with a "sorry, back in a minute" and walked as steadily as she could through the doors and out to the front of the pub. She took a couple of deep breaths of freezing air and sat at one of the benches trying to steady herself.

"Chas?" the familiar voice made her jump and she turned quickly to see who was out there on such a cold and dark night.

"Laurel. What you doing out here?"

"Sorry, did I make you jump? I'm just heading home from Mill. Been at Nicola's for a Christmas Eve Eve drink or two. I think I'm a bit squiffy! It's brilliant to see you Chas. How are you doing?" Laurel plonked herself down on the bench opposite Chas without an iota of grace, making Chas smile.

"Oh, you know…I'm doing okay, cheers Laurel."

Laurel put her gloved hand on Chas's bare ones, making her look up. "I do know, you know? And trust me, you won't be okay for a while, but that's alright. You'll get there, I did. And if you need to talk, you know where I am". Laurel patted Chas's hand, climbed off the bench just as ungracefully as before, gave her a lopsided smile and lumbered towards Mulberry with a drunken gait that reminded Chas of her father.

She laughed and looked at her surroundings – the village was so pretty at Christmas. She took a few more breaths and pulled herself together, before heading back inside to finish her food and at least attempt normality with the people she loved.


	48. Chapter 48

Chapter Forty Eight

Samson sprang out of bed as soon as he woke up. It was Christmas Eve and he was very excited, even more than usual because he knew there was going to be a big party later that day. His whole family had been preparing for it for days and he knew that it was going to be a very special occasion. His dad had told him it was to say goodbye to Chas's baby because she'd gone up to heaven. He liked to think that his mum would be looking after her for Chas, until she went up there herself and could look after her herself. He ran into his dad's room and jumped on the bed next to him until he woke up.

"Dad! Dad! Wake up, it's Christmas Eve!" he shouted.

Sam reached from under his blanket and took his phone back underneath to see what time it was.

"Go back to bed Samson. It's five in t'morning" he grumbled at his son.

* * *

><p>A few hours later, Gennie was pulling her own mobile phone underneath her duvet, reading with bleary eyes the text that had just woken her up.<p>

_Hey Gen, could I borrow you for a few hours this morning? Chas x x _

More alert now, she replied to the mysterious text in the affirmative, wondering what her sister could want with her. She hauled herself out of bed and got dressed quickly, and went downstairs to grab some breakfast. Katie was already down there in her riding gear, having already been up to the stables.

"You're up early" Katie smiled at Gennie.

"It's half nine" Gennie pointed out to her friend as she poured some cereal into a bowl.

"Yeah, but it's a holiday. You don't normally get up til at least eleven if you've not got work"

"Well, we can't all be early birds" Gennie shot back good humouredly, "there'd be no worms left. Anyway, I'm off to see Chas. She texted me".

Katie looked at her phone to see if she'd had a text from her friend. Nothing. She felt slightly stung by this, but only because she was worried about her friend and wanted to be there for her. "She alright?" she asked Gennie.

"I don't know" Gennie said, "she wants me to help her with something this morning but won't tell me what. She probably didn't ask you because she knew you'd be busy with the stables" she added, having noticed Katie's earlier reaction.

Katie smiled at Gennie, she'd always admired the way she tried to make others feel better about themselves, despite her own lack of self-confidence. "Probably" she replied. "Make sure you give her my love and tell her I'll see her tonight" she said as she went upstairs to change out of her jodhpurs and have a shower.

* * *

><p>Aaron reached for his phone and pulled it under his bedclothes. It was ten o' clock according to his phone. He was planning on lying in until eleven, but there was a noise outside, an uneven scraping of metal on metal that was grating on his nerves and keeping him awake. He pulled his duvet from over him and kicked his legs out from underneath, but stayed lying on his back for a few minutes as he thought about what the day was going to bring and how he could approach it with a healthy attitude. It was a coping mechanism he'd learnt from his counsellor: anticipate what obstacles you may face and work through in your head the ways to overcome them without resorting to violence and anger.<p>

He knew that the wake later was going to be stressful. Not only was he going to be upset about having to say goodbye to Esther, he would be constantly worried about his mum. He knew she was still too weak to be out in the cold for such a long time, having to cope with so many people around her. She'd struggled last night at the meal, as much as she'd pretended she was fine, she was knackered after an hour and he'd had to help her upstairs, having found her sitting halfway up taking a breather. Add to this, the fact that Carl King was going to be there, his patience was going to be severely tested.

The noise from outside was still going. He sat up, trying to figure out what it could be, but when he lifted his head up he realised it wasn't coming from outside, the source was somewhere in the pub. He climbed out of bed and pulled on some joggers, before opening his bedroom door and stepping out on the landing. The noise had become louder and he realised it was coming from his mum's room. He also knew exactly what it was now – it was the scraping of metal coat hangers as they were pulled out of a wardrobe and then pushed back in again.

He knocked on his mum's door and pushed it open gently, peering his head around the corner to see what was going on. He found Chas stood surrounded by bin bags, clothes spilling out from each of them. She was pulling a tiny red dress from a hanger and stuffing it into a new bin bag when she looked up to see who had knocked, smiling when she saw it was Aaron.

"Morning love. Didn't wake you did I?" she asked brightly.

Aaron came further into the room, completely bemused by what was going on. "Yeah. Doesn't matter. What you doing?"

"Having a clear out. Out with the old, in with the new and all that" she told him. She was using her pretend happy voice – something Aaron had only recently learnt to recognise – and it automatically set alarm bells ringing.

"Sit down Mam," he told her, picking his way through the obstacle course of shiny black bags and sitting down on the edge of her bed. She did as she was told, bolstering herself for an argument.

"Before you start" she said, launching straight into her defence, "no, I'm not okay, I hold my hands up. I'm not going to be okay today, it's a rubbish day and I need to take my mind off what's coming later. So I'm having a clear out. I can't wear any of this stuff again, it's not me, not anymore. So me and Gennie are gonna take all this into town and get me some new gear. Can't wear your old trackies forever can I? Although I know I rocked the look completely" she joked.

Aaron laughed. "Yeah, you did" he told her. He looked at her face as she smiled bravely at him. She looked so young when she didn't have her war paint on - not even her thirty four years. He couldn't believe he'd once thought she was forty. He gave her a hug, which she sank into gratefully. He was glad she had been honest with him about how she was feeling, it gave him an opportunity to be honest with her too. "I'm not okay either. But I'll be even less so if you push yourself too hard in town and end up hurting yourself. You lift nothing, you carry nothing, do I make myself clear? How are you getting there?" he asked her, "do you need a lift?".

"Thought you'd never ask" she replied cheekily, giving him a peck on the cheek before he could avoid her, "you'd better get a move on, Gen'll be round in ten". Aaron shook his head in mock disbelief as his mother turned back to packing the bags and he left the room to get ready.


	49. Chapter 49

Chapter Forty Nine

"You want to go where?" Gennie asked again as she leant into the car window. Chas was sat in the passenger seat as Aaron loaded the boot up with bin bags.

"For the last time Gen, I want to go to Hotten" Chas told her sister, exasperated by her lack of comprehension. Her nerves were shot, and she was already regretting her decision to venture out of her bed, never mind into town. But she was determined to keep occupied and get this task done now she'd started it.

"But it's Christmas Eve" Gennie told her.

"I'm well aware of what day it is" Chas told her pointedly.

"Town's gonna be rammed" Gennie continued.

"It'll be fine, I've got to start getting back to normal" Chas replied. "I thought it'd be nice to spend the morning together, but I'm going with or without you" she told her stubbornly.

"No you're not" Aaron interrupted, having come back to the car with the last of the bags and heard his mum's bold statement. "You're going nowhere on your own. So what's it to be?" he asked Gennie.

She sighed and got in the back of the car, worried about how Chas was going to cope in such a frantically busy setting, but also a bit chuffed that it was her she'd asked to accompany her.

When they got into town, Aaron and Gennie unloaded the car, taking the bags straight into the charity shop. The two old ladies running it thought Christmas had come a day early, thanking them profusely and calling Aaron a lovely young man, making him go red.

Aunt and nephew came out of the shop laughing, but when they saw Chas in the front seat of the car, obviously psyching herself up to getting out, they quickly sobered up.

"We should just go home" Gennie said quietly.

Aaron was tempted to agree; town was busy, packed with last minute Christmas shoppers, early sales trawlers, kids in prams, teens hanging out, carol singers and a Salvation Army brass band. He thought his mum was crazy for wanting to do this today. But he couldn't tell her what to do, he had to let her at least try to get back to normality.

"Just take her to a couple of department stores, nowhere too small" he advised Gennie. He was worried about his mum getting knocked and hurt if she was trapped in a small shop with lots of people. "I've got a couple of errands to run anyway, so just give me a call and I'll pick you up when you're done".

Gennie nodded and they watched as Chas finally let herself out of the car. She gave them a sheepish grin, realising they'd been waiting for her.

"Right. You remember what you promised?" he asked his mum as she approached them. She nodded. "See you in a bit then" he said and headed off towards McDonalds for a burger to set him up for the day.

Gennie linked arms with her sister and they started walking towards Rafter's Department Store. "What did you promise?" she asked.

"No lifting, no carrying, no jumping, no breathing…" Chas joked.

Gennie laughed, "it's sweet he cares so much" she said, "he's like your little minder". Chas sighed and Gennie turned to look at her, "what's up? You normally complain that he never speaks to you."

"I know. And I'm not being ungrateful, I love the fact we've got a bit closer. It's just there's no middle ground with him. He was like this after Jackson's accident, not leaving his side, constantly worrying about him. It's not healthy. He should be bothered about himself, not me".

Gennie laughed at the irony, "well that's exactly what you're doing isn't it? Worrying about Aaron instead of thinking about yourself? Just give him a bit of time, it's really rattled him has all this. Now, what we looking for, you never said?"

"Everything" she replied, "I need some more age-appropriate clothes. Less tight, less…tarty".

"Give over," Gennie said, "you're not…"

But Chas didn't let her finish. As they pushed the shop doors open and were hit by a wave of hot air from the department store, she simply said, "S'alright Gen, I know what I am" and walked quickly into the crowd before she could answer.

By the time she caught up with her, she was looking through a rack of half price old lady jumpers.

"Chas…" Gennie started, worried that her sister had lost it.

Chas held up a mustard pullover with a cat embroidered on the front. "What do you think?" she asked seriously, before breaking into a smirk and laughing.

Gennie slapped her lightly on the arm, "that is not funny, I thought you were serious!" she told her off.

Chas carried on laughing, "sorry, it was too good an opportunity to miss. I'm not going off my rocker you know? I'm not going looking for granny clothes, I just want something a bit classier, more demure. Like that dress you and Katie got me".

Gennie acknowledged this with a nod and indicated the escalators with her head, "we'll need to go upstairs for the non-granny clothes then" she said and started towards them.

Half an hour later, Gennie was loaded down with a pile of clothes, all quite plain and basic, but not frumpy. Chas kept trying to help her carry, but Gennie joked she didn't want to face the wrath of Aaron if he found out.

"We've definitely got enough for you to try on now anyway" she told her.

Chas paled instantaneously and shook her head "nope. I'll just buy them, and if they don't fit I'll take them back".

"Don't be silly, the changing room's only there, and there's no queue" she replied, not understanding what the problem was. But Chas refused to follow her, shaking her head faster.

"Chas, I'm not going to carry on with this unless you go in there and try this stuff on" Gennie told her firmly. She walked into the changing rooms, hung all the clothes on the pegs and sat on the bench, waiting for her sister to follow her.

Chas was faced with a dilemma. She really didn't want to get changed in a hot little changing room with two full-length mirrors in it, but she'd just thrown almost every scrap of clothing she owned away – she needed Gennie's help getting some new gear. She reluctantly trudged into the changing room and stood sulking in the middle of the cubicle.

"God, you don't half look like your Cain when you sulk like that" Gennie laughed.

"He's your Cain too" Chas pointed out.

"Not as much as he's yours" she countered, "you lucky thing. Do you want me to stay and give my opinion, or wait outside?"

"Outside" Chas said quickly.

Gennie stood up and made her way out of the cubicle. "Fine" she said, "but I'm going to be literally outside the curtain, so I'll know if you're trying on or not".

Chas tugged the curtain closed behind her and Gennie laughed at her moodiness. She'd very rarely seen Chas sulk; she usually shouted at someone and then got over it. She heard movement inside the cubicle and was satisfied that Chas was doing as she was told, so she nipped off for five minutes to look at some ridiculously expensive shoes she wanted but could never afford. When she returned, there was silence behind the curtain and Gennie tutted.

"Chas, are you decent?" she asked before pulling back the curtain anyway and slipping inside. When she turned around she saw her sister sat on the bench, half dressed, rocking slightly and rubbing her hand for comfort.

She looked up at Gennie, eyes wet with unshed tears and shook her head as she said "I can't Gen. I'm sorry, I just can't".

Gennie's heart broke for her and she sat beside her on the bench and took her hand. She saw that it was badly marked where Chas had been rubbing it over and over in the same place. "What have you been doing here eh? You're going to end up with a scar if you're not careful" she admonished gently. Chas gave a small snort of laughter. "What?" Gennie asked, not understanding what was funny about the situation.

Chas hesitantly stood up and pulled down the dress that she'd half managed to get on before she'd freaked out with the mirrors and the heat and the claustrophobic nature of the dressing room. She closed her eyes so she didn't have to see Gennie's reaction to the scar that ran down her entire torso.

Charity had told Gennie that she'd seen Chas's wound the night she'd done a runner from the hospital, but she'd obviously downplayed how awful it was. It looked painful and sore and Gennie understood why Aaron, Charity and Cain had been so shaken when they'd returned from the hospital that day. This wasn't what worried Gennie the most though, and neither was the fact that Chas looked like she hadn't eaten a square meal in months, she was so thin. What scared Gennie was the way her sister stood: shoulders sagging, head bowed, eyes closed, looking completely defeated. It was such a far cry from the usual Chastity Dingle stance – head up, shoulders back, boobs out – that it was disturbing.

"No bikinis this year then" Gennie said.

Chas covered herself back up and sat back down "no bikinis ever again" she replied.

"Don't be daft" Gennie said, "it'll heal, scars do. Then you'll barely be able to see it. Is that what all this is about? You throwing all your old clothes out?"

"Kind of" Chas replied quietly, messing around with the sleeve of the dress, not looking up as she spoke.

Gennie became impatient with her, "What, because you don't have the perfect body anymore?" she scoffed, "join the club".

"No, I didn't…"

"No, I understand, you're spitting your dummy out because you don't think all the blokes are gonna give you the eye anymore. Well welcome to my world. I bet that's why you got me to come with you isn't it? 'Gen knows what to wear when you've accepted you're never going to pull ever again'" Gennie huffed.

They sat in silence for a minute, whilst Gennie sulked and Chas tried to put her thoughts in order. Finally, she spoke.

"Do you remember when you first came to the village and met my dad?" she asked.

"Yeah. You hated me" Gennie pointed out not too kindly

"Yeah I did" Chas agreed.

"Ah, cheers" Gennie spat.

"Well it's true. I did hate you. But not because of you, although you were a bit annoying. I hated you because of the way my dad looked at you, like you were summat special, something of worth. He never looked at me like that, not once. When me and Cain were kids, he barely bothered with either of us unless he wanted something. And then when I got older…"

"Chas, you know he adored you" Gennie said, realising that this wasn't just about Chas not pulling anymore.

"You saw how he used to look at me. As soon as I hit twelve and my boobs started to grow, I wasn't an annoying kid anymore I was just another woman to leer at. Not that he ever tried anything – I'm not saying he ever did owt like that. But I'd never been his little girl, he'd never looked at me with reverence like he did you. No one ever has really, ever since I was thirteen, I've been nothing but a stripper in most peoples' eyes. And I'm sick of it Gen. So yeah, I want a change, I want to stop being a tatty old tart and just be normal, as normal as any Dingle can be anyway."

Gennie felt awful that she'd had a go at her now, not realising the depth of the complicated relationship Chas had had with their father. She'd always sensed a bit of jealousy from Chas about how well she and Shadrach got on, but thought Chas mostly disliked her because she was boring. It was news to her that Chas had been a stripper at thirteen, and she wondered how her dad could have let that happen. But then she also knew exactly what Chas meant when she talked about how Shadrach sometimes looked at her, she'd caught him leering at his daughter on more than one occasion, always thought it was strange and wondered why Chas didn't seem bothered by it. But she now realised there was a lot that Chas was bothered about but just didn't let it show.

"Sorry" she said meekly, turning to look at her sister, who was lost in her own thoughts. "I didn't know that's how you felt. But Chas, you're no tatty old tart, you're gorgeous and funny and people like to be around you for way more than what you look like. But I'll help you if that's what you want. And I won't make you try on – let's get you out of this and we'll buy all these then get a cuppa and cake from the café. That sound okay?"

Chas nodded gratefully at her little sister. She changed back into her scruffs and Gennie gathered up all of the clothes and they headed to the till arm in arm, both sisters having reached a new understanding.


	50. Chapter 50

Chapter Fifty

As Aaron drove Chas and Gennie back from Hotten, he noticed that their mood was pensive and he wondered if something had happened. He knew better than to ask if they were okay though, he could sense his mum was sick of telling people she was fine. When they reached the village and clambered out of the car, Gennie started to say her goodbyes.

"Right, I'll see you in a few hours…"

"Actually Gen," Chas stopped her before she walked off, "can I ask one more favour?"

Gennie nodded, intrigued. Chas turned to Aaron, "you couldn't take my bags in for me could you love? I'm just off to Gennie's for a bit. Won't be long" she said as she walked away with her sister, who shared a mystified look with Aaron. He shrugged and did as he was asked, not wanting to argue with her when she seemed to be on a mission.

Forty five minutes later, Aaron was reading the paper at the table in the backroom as Diane made three sandwiches in the kitchen. When the back door opened, they looked up and both their mouths immediately dropped in shock. Chas stood there, but instead of her usual long mane of black hair, it had been cut into a chin length bob and waved out so that wisps fell around her face, framing it.

"What the hell…" Aaron said, not quite believing his eyes. His mum had had long hair for as long as he could remember.

Chas stood there shyly, anxious about their reaction. "Does it look awful?" she asked. She'd begged Gennie to do it for her, but worried now that it didn't suit her.

"You look beautiful" Diane told her, now over the shock of seeing her friend looking so different. "Takes years off you, you know?"

Chas laughed "don't know about that", she told them, "just thought I could do with a change. I'm gonna go and get showered and changed".

"Take this with you" Diane told her, passing her a plate with a sandwich on.

"Cheers Diane". She left the room again and they heard her making her way upstairs slowly.

Diane brought Aaron's sandwich to the table and sat down with her own. "Sometimes, when you're at your very lowest point, you change the way you look because you want to pretend you're someone else for a bit. She's just changing her armour, that's all. And you've got to admit, her hair looks lovely"

Aaron hadn't realised his unease at his mum's sudden change of appearance had been so obvious. But he saw sense in Diane's words. "I just don't want it to be because she hates herself" he told her, "because pretending she's something she's not isn't going to help her in the long run".

Diane was surprised by the depth of Aaron's apprehension; she felt she was learning more about this complex young man every day lately. "I think she's been pretending to be something she's not for a long time. Maybe she's bored of having to play a stereotype".

A few hours later, all three were in Diane's car driving up to the wake, which was taking place at the Dingles Homestead - too far for Chas to walk. The pub was being looked after by Moira and Alicia, but they weren't expecting it to be too busy for Christmas Eve, since their best customers would all be at the wake.

It was already dark when they arrived, and Chas saw that they'd decorated the outside of the house with fairy lights. There was a bonfire in the yard, around which Samson was chasing Noah, and an awning had been set up outside, with tables and chairs, Chas assumed borrowed from Charity and Jai at Holdgate Farm. Chas smiled, things never seemed to change up at Wishing Well Cottage, there was always family shouting at each other, kids running around, lives being lived.

"You ready?" Aaron asked.

She nodded and got out of the car. Diane linked arms with her as they walked to the door. "As soon as you want to leave, just give me the nod" she told her quietly.

When they entered the room, they were hit by warmth and light and noise. Zak pressed a can of lager into each of their hands and Lisa gave them all a big hug and told them to find a seat. Aaron snatched the cans out of Diane and Chas's hands straight away.

"You're driving, and you're on tablets" he told them sternly, before passing them a glass of coke each. Diane made a "get him" face at Chas, who laughed, but they both sat at the table with their soft drinks like good girls. Chas looked around at all the people spilling from the house out into the covered area; Paddy and Rhona were there with Leo and Pearl, Marlon, Charity and Jai with Noah, Nikhil and Gennie, Brenda, Lisa, Zak and Belle, Sam and Samson, Debbie, Cameron and Sarah, Edna, Cain, Aaron, Diane, Scarlett, Jimmy and Nicola, Carl, Katie and Declan, Lizzie, Laurel and Ashley – all people she'd come to know well since living in the village.

"Look at you" Katie came over and sat with them at the table, "you look gorgeous" she told Chas.

"Thanks" Cain said, causing Katie to smile sarcastically at him. He laughed and went towards the kitchen to get another can.

"Seriously though," Katie carried on, "your hair looks great. Might get Gennie to do mine like that" she said.

Chas smiled shyly, "cheers" was all she could muster.

Belle was sat next to Chas at the table and she could feel her legs shaking at her side. She realised she was petrified, so she snuck a small nip of vodka into her glass when no one was looking. Then put a bit more than a nip into her own. It was Christmas after all, and tomorrow she'd be thirteen. Chas smiled gratefully at her little cousin. Pretty soon all of the women were left indoors and all the men and children were stood outside, staring at the fire, chatting with cans in their hands, and in Cain and Carl's case, giving each other the evil eye.

Scarlett came over to talk to Chas with Nicola. "How are you doing?" she asked, her wide doe eyes shining in the light.

"Alright thanks" Chas said quietly, "Scarlett, can I just thank you for sorting all of this, it's lovely. And the service the other day, I couldn't have imagined anything more perfect. So thanks".

Scarlett smiled, glad that she'd done the right thing, that her efforts were well received – she'd worried that Chas might think she'd taken over or made too much of a fuss. "No problem" she replied, "and if you need anything else, don't hesitate to ask".

Chas looked out through the open door and saw Carl talking to Paddy and Marlon. "How's he doing?" she asked, so softly Scarlett almost didn't hear it over the noise of the room.

Her smile faded as she thought about her brother. "He's…getting there. Pretending he's fine, but I can see he's not".

"Sounds familiar" Charity piped up from behind them, making them jump.

Sam came in and shouted for everyone to make their way outside. Intrigued, everyone got up and followed him out, Chas trailing at the back with Belle. When she got outside, she felt everyone's eyes on her and was very self-conscious, her whole body urging her to turn around and run back inside. But then Sarah came and took her hand and led her to a seat under the awning that looked out over the countryside. Carl was in the chair next to her and they both looked to each other for a clue to what was happening. Everyone was quiet as Zak stood at the front and began to speak.

"We've all come here tonight to say goodbye properly to little Esther. She didn't have long on this earth, but the time she had she was watched over by her family. And I'm sure somewhere up there, she's now safe, and watching over us instead, happy that both sides of her family can come together for one night and say farewell. So please raise your cans…to Esther".

"To Esther" everyone repeated and downed their drinks.

Carl now stood up, wanting to say a few words. His eyes were wet, but he was holding it together pretty well considering. "Hi. I just wanted to say thanks really, to everyone here. Zak and Lisa, thanks for letting us use your house for this, you've gone to so much trouble to make it special. Scarlett and Belle, you've done a cracking job organising everything. Jimmy, Nicola, you've been a rock." He started to waver, his voice cracking slightly, "And to everyone else here, you've all been so supportive over the last few weeks, I don't know what I'd have done without you. It makes me proud to live in this village, where there's still such a feeling of community. I just hope that going forward, the Kings and the Dingles could perhaps…I don't know, call a truce? Let the past be the past? Because Esther now links the two families together, and that link should stay as pure as she was. Let's not sully it with memories of the past. That's all I wanted to say. So…Esther, I love you and I'll never forget you" he raised his can in the air, but his tears had now started to fall and when he said, "to Esther" it came out as a strangled sob.

There weren't many dry eyes left amongst the adults. Everyone raised their can again and repeated "to Esther" as Carl sat back down and buried his face in his hands. Chas couldn't look anywhere but the ground, feeling the pressure to follow Carl and make a speech, but she knew she couldn't stand up, never mind speak. She felt a tap on her shoulder and looked up to see Samson in front of her, holding something behind his back. Noah was stood in front of Carl doing the same and both children were looking at Scarlett, who was giving them an encouraging nod and mouthing 'go on'.

The kids looked at each other, then Noah told them, "we helped Zak and Belle to make these for you. Sarah and Angelica helped too" then they presented them both with a wooden photo frame each before running off back to the bonfire. Chas looked at the frame and realised it was made from the same solid oak as Esther's coffin, with the same detailed hand carved engraving around the edges and the same tiny pressed purple flowers dotted all over. The same elaborate script had exactly the same words…

_Esther Freda King_

_10__th__-14__th__ December 2011_

_Everything's a story - You are a story - I am a story_

And in the frame was a black and white picture of Esther, eyes wide open and hand outstretched. It was beautiful; Chas was overwhelmed by the love that had gone into making it. She looked up at her Uncle Zak and nodded to him, trying to convey her gratitude in a look. He nodded back in acknowledgement – two small nods that said so much more than words ever could. She looked over to Carl and saw that he was just as overwhelmed as her by the gift. She gave him a small smile and he returned it, tears rolling down his face.

Now Scarlett addressed everyone, "We wanted to make this a really special send off, something that helps people to remember Esther fondly, and with a smile. Like Zak said, Esther wasn't here for long, I never got to meet her in the flesh, but from the photos and videos, I can see that she was a beautiful baby. She was tiny, barely bigger than your hand, but she made a big wave. She's brought hope for Sarah, who will now grow up to be happy and healthy and always know that her cousin was the one who enabled this. Esther lives on through Sarah, through Chas and Carl, through all of us.

"So to show how small things can have a huge impact, and as a way of making sure she stays with us always, in the air around us and the ground we tread on, Sam and Cameron have created this as the ultimate send off for Esther".

With that, Scarlett waved over to Cameron and Sam who were in a neighbouring field, then pressed play on a remote control and sat back down. There was silence for a moment, and then music started playing all around. From speakers that had been brought outside Aretha Franklin's version of _Let It Be_ came soaring through the air, the stirring voices of the background singers and the gospel piano rousing feelings of both joy and sadness at the same time in each and every person's heart. When the second chorus kicked in, the sky was suddenly filled with fireworks, shooting up from the field, lighting the sky in pinks, greens, blues and yellows. Sam and Cameron were running around lighting more and more, dodging out of the way as they sprang up to join their friends up above.

Belle, glass of coke in hand, leaned over to Chas and Carl and explained loudly, "her ashes are in the fireworks. She's everywhere now, forever". She smiled at them both, happy with the idea that Esther was now free, up in the sky to watch down on them. Chas took the drink from Belle and downed it quickly before she could react. Belle was about to say something, a worried look creeping onto her face, but Chas turned back to watch the rest of the fireworks, one hand gripping the photo tightly, the other by her side, right next to Carl's. They linked fingers and squeezed hands, not looking at each other, just knowing they were sharing something both special and terrible.


	51. Chapter 51

Chapter Fifty One

The fireworks had finished a while ago and most guests had gone back inside or gathered around the bonfire. Chas had started to feel the effects of the vodka mixing with her medication and she stumbled into one of the old barns at the back of the homestead in order to get away from everyone and wait until she'd sobered up a bit. Aaron would go mad if he saw her like this. Wanting to sit down, she'd gone into the barn that she knew had an old sofa hidden at the back, but when she got to it she found it was already occupied by a tall figure with his head in his hands, crying. She sat clumsily next to him and rubbed his back.

"Carl, don't cry. It's all over now" she told him.

Carl lifted his head in surprise at the affection she showed him. He saw she was drunk and wondered how she'd managed to sneak alcohol past Aaron, who seemed to have set himself up as her minder these days.

"What are you doing here?" he asked her softly, wiping his eyes.

"Hiding, same as you I 'spect" she replied, "and feeling a bit tipsy. Ssh." She smiled, finger to her lips, and crinkling her nose up the way he always loved. She was adorable when she was merry.

"Don't worry" he said "your secret's safe with me" he smiled back. "You look beautiful, by the way" he told her, moving a stray wisp of hair from her face. He offered her some of his can of lager and she took a small sip and passed it back. They sat in silence for a few minutes, both staring at the stars through a gap in the roof.

Chas spoke first, "Scarlett did us proud, she's good isn't she, should do it for a job or summat".

"What? Organise funerals?" Carl joked.

"No" Chas nudged him, "event planning, something like that. She was alright at the hen and stag parties thing, she should try again, but make it tailor-made, like this was".

"Yeah, I'll tell her" Carl said, "she has been brilliant. I never really appreciated her before, you know, just saw her as a kid. But she's so sorted now, way more than I've ever been".

"Not hard" Chas laughed, "I could say the same about Aaron nowadays. He's far surpassed me on the grown up stakes. He's more like the parent than me".

"We're a right pair, eh" Carl smiled. He noticed Chas was shivering and took his coat off and lay it over the top of both of them so they were squidged together underneath. Chas lay her head on his shoulder, appreciating the extra warmth, feeling a bit drowsy.

"Do you ever regret moving to the village?" Chas asked Carl out of the blue.

"What? Why would I?"

"When you moved here, you had three brothers, your dad, still saw your kids regularly…"

"Yeah, but none of what's happened has been because of where we've been. It's who we've been, what we've done. Why, do you regret coming here?" he asked.

"Sometimes" she replied, "but most of the time I can't imagine being anywhere else".

"Yeah, I know what you mean. Can you think of anywhere else we'd get the support we've had these last few weeks? I love living here. It's my own actions over the years I regret, nothing else".

"Imagine how different our lives would be now if you'd listened to your dad at the beginning and not gone out with me" Chas mused.

Carl sat back a bit, making Chas lift her head and look directly into his eyes as he spoke, "I can't imagine that, I can't imagine not being with you. You don't know…"

"Don't Carl." Chas said, looking down again.

But he lifted her chin so she had to look at him, "I need to tell you this, please let me say it, and then I'll never say it again if you don't want me to."

Chas acquiesced and waited for him to continue.

"I have screwed up big time in the past, done things, said things that are inexcusable. And I'm sorry, I truly am sorry for everything I've done that's hurt you. And I'll always love you, even if you don't love me anymore, I can't help how I feel".

"Me too" Chas said, leaning against his shoulder again, closing her eyes.

"What?" Carl asked, not believing his ears.

"Me too" she repeated, "I'm sorry, for all the awful things I've done to you. The whole wedding thing…"

"I know, I deserved it."

"No, there was no need. It just hurt me even more having to pretend, because the longer it went on, the more I wanted it to be real."

"What?"

"You loving me. Us, getting married, having a baby, being together forever".

"And now?"

"I can't go there again Carl. I can't put myself through it, I've not got the strength. You broke my heart, and it's still not mended".

Carl kissed her on the top of the head, pulling her close, cuddling her as his tears fell. "I know I might never be forgiven, but it won't stop me trying to make amends. I want to at least be friends after this" he told her.

"Yeah, sounds good" she sighed, before falling asleep. He sat for a while, enjoying being close to her, taking comfort from it. Wishing it could be forever.


	52. Chapter 52

Chapter Fifty Two

Aaron went back into the house to get more beers for himself and Cain. When he'd been to the fridge to grab them, he looked around for his mum to check she was alright, but couldn't see her anywhere. He went over to Gennie, Lisa and Belle at the table.

"Where's Mum?" he asked, "she upstairs?"

"She went outside a while ago, Love" Lisa told him.

Aaron was confused, "she's not out there now".

Diane was coming downstairs from using the bathroom.

"Is Chas up there, Diane?" Gennie checked, already starting to worry.

"No pet" she said, "why?"

No one answered her because at that moment Jimmy came in looking for Carl, who had also been missing for a while.

"Well, they're obviously together, so no need to worry too much" Gennie said, earning a snort of derision from Aaron.

Belle had been very quiet up until this point, but felt she should tell her mum what she knew.

"I saw Chas heading towards the back barn. She was a bit drunk" she told her.

"How could she be drunk?" Lisa asked her sternly, knowing her daughter's guilty face.

"I may have sneaked her a bit of vodka" Belle admitted, "just a tiny bit".

"You silly girl," Lisa scolded her, "you don't know what that's going to do to her mixed with the tablets she's on".

Lisa stood up and went to head out of the door, but Aaron stopped her. "It's alright Lise, I'll go. I'm sure she's fine" he told her and went out to look for her.

When he got to the barn, he spotted Chas and Carl sitting on the sofa, Chas cuddled up to Carl, her face slack in sleep, Carl playing with an empty beer can, his eyes red from crying.

As he approached, Carl looked up and was immediately on the defensive, "she found me here, I didn't drag her or anything" he said, one hand up in supplication.

Aaron sat himself down on an old broken down washing machine opposite Carl and handed him the beer that was meant for Cain before cracking his own open. Carl was wary, but opened his all the same, with a small "ta" before taking a sip.

"Nice speech before" Aaron said "I particularly liked the bit about the two families calling a truce".

Carl could hear disbelief in Aaron's tone, but was surprised to hear there was no sneer. "I meant it. I'm done with all the bad blood, it's not worth it. Look at all the years there's been grief between us all, and what's any of us got from it?"

Aaron nodded. He'd seen how much Esther's birth and death had affected Carl, aging him ten years in a month, he was unrecognisable from the cocky man he'd always hated. And Aaron didn't want to be the one who broke the spell and turned him back into the pumpkin. But there was a difference between calling a ceasefire and inviting the enemy in for tea.

"I heard you talking to Diane the other night" he told Carl, "saying you still love her" he nodded at the sleeping figure.

Carl looked embarrassed. "You'll also have heard me say I'm not going to push her. Whether she wants to remain on good terms or never speak to me again after tonight, it's all in her control now."

"It's all very well saying that, but how do I know you're going to stick to that once a bit of time's gone by and she's more like her old self? What's to stop you going back on your word and chasing after her, pressuring her, like you have done in the past?"

Carl didn't like having to explain himself to someone nearly half his age, especially when they shared such a tumultuous history. But Chas's words echoed in his head, and if Aaron could be grown up, then so could he. "Me. And her, she's…she'll never be like her old self, not properly, and neither will I. Esther…dying, and Chas nearly dying…I think it would have killed me too if she had. I've lost a lot of people over the last few years, and you know yourself, you find a way of dealing with it, as hard as it is. But if she…"

Carl couldn't continue. He took a shaky sip of his lager and as he did, Aaron saw himself, sat by Jackson's grave, downing cans of lager, thinking his life was over too. He could see that what Carl felt for his mum was just as strong as what he'd felt, and still felt for Jackson. But instead of making him feel sad, it made him angry.

"You love her, and yet you treat her the way you do? If I had Jackson back, there's no way I'd throw it all away like you have. You're an idiot, you don't deserve someone to love" he hissed at him, surprising Carl with such a personal insight.

"But you did make mistakes when you were with him didn't you? You did stupid things and nearly lost him a few times? It's called being human, we're all guilty of it" Carl told him.

"No, that's crap. Yeah I made mistakes and I treated him badly sometimes, but I never cheated on him. And when I won him back, I kept hold of him, I treasured him".

"And Chas?" Carl asked, changing tack, trying desperately to get Aaron to see things from his point of view.

"Eh?" was all Aaron could say.

"You love your mum don't you?" he asked.

"Course I do"

"But you've never really appreciated her before now have you? You've always kept her at arm's length, kept her from getting really close. Sometimes in the past, you've been downright nasty to her. And it's taken this for you to see what you'd be missing if she'd have gone, how special she is. We're not that different, you and me".

Aaron couldn't deny much of what Carl was saying, but was frustrated that this was being turned around on him, that Carl was comparing them both. He shook his head angrily, "we're nothing alike".

Carl started to get carried away, he just wanted Aaron to understand that he wasn't some cartoon baddie, pure evil. That there was a reason for the way he'd acted in the past. He said something he knew was dangerous, that he knew could have serious repercussions for him afterwards, but found he didn't care anymore.

"We're exactly alike. We both hurt people we love because we're scared of them getting too close. We both cover our hurt with a nasty mouth. And we've both killed people we love because of love."

Aaron couldn't understand what Carl was telling him, no longer following his argument. "What are you talking about Carl, you're not making any sense?"

Carl looked to the door, checking there was no one there, then lowered his voice as he spoke, "my dad, he'd been interfering in my life for years, telling me what to do, trying to stop me seeing Chas. And he never could, we'd always end up back together, no matter what he tried. Then that poisonous bitch Rosemary turned up and between them they split us up, blackmailed Chas into dumping me and threatening her so she wouldn't tell me why. But she still loved me as much as I loved her and she told me. I had it out with my dad, told him to stop interfering in my life and he started calling her all sorts, and I just lost it. I hit him with something and he fell onto me, so I pushed him away and he went flying through the window".

"That was you?" Aaron said, incredulous.

"I didn't mean to, it was an accident. You've got to believe me. But it screwed me up, really screwed me up. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't think straight. The guilt, it…"

Aaron nodded, he knew what he was saying.

"I tried to hand myself in a few times, but my brothers stopped me, said there was no use in me being stuck in jail. They said I owed it to Dad to live my life. And I tried, but it was so hard getting out of bed sometimes knowing what I was.

"And then there was Chas. I loved her more than anything, but I couldn't let her know what I'd done, she'd hate me. She knew there was something wrong, kept asking me to talk to her, but I couldn't. And I needed her so much I ached when she wasn't around. But then when I was with her, it felt wrong, like I was betraying my dad even more by staying with her when he'd hated her so much, when he'd died because of us. So then I'd lash out at her, hurt her to make her go. Once I sat her down and told her the worst things I could think of, completely trashed everything about her, her looks, her character, her parenting skills, I told her I'd never loved her…it was all lies, but I was trying to make her hate me so she'd stay away, not get involved in my life again. And it worked for a while, but it never stopped me loving her. That's never going to stop".

"Why are you telling me this?" Aaron asked, his head whirling from the revelation.

"Because I want you to understand. I think you might understand, better than anyone"

"I could go to the police tomorrow and tell them what you just told me" Aaron pointed out.

"Yeah, you could. But unless you have new evidence they can't try me again for the same crime. What you could do is tell everyone else, and they'll all know what I am. You have the power to ruin my life now, that's what I'm giving you in order to prove how serious I am. Do it, my life in Emmerdale is over. But my life is over anyway if you don't let me near her, even if it's just as friends. If you keep it to yourself, you'll always have one over on me, you'll know that if I was ever to treat her badly again, take a step out of line, you can expose me".

Aaron understood what he was doing now, and couldn't help having a grudging respect for the man in front of him. It had taken guts to reveal such a dark secret to someone who had always been an enemy. It was clear how desperate he was not to be cut out of Chas's life. Aaron held his hand out to Carl and he shook it. "I won't tell anyone. But hurt her and you won't have to worry about your secret being exposed, you'll be dead". Carl acknowledged the threat, relieved that his gamble had paid off, and took a large gulp from his can.

A small cough next to them made them both start. Chas still had her eyes closed, her head was still resting against Carl. But her voice was like ice when she spoke and the two men realised with horror that she'd heard everything,

"When you're both finished bargaining my life away between you, I think I'd like to hear more about how Carl killed his dad because of me".


	53. Chapter 53

Chapter Fifty Three

Chas opened her eyes and stood up quickly, throwing Carl's jacket away from her. Carl tried to grab her arm, saying "Chas, wait", but before he could react, she'd punched him in the face and he went flying back into the sofa.

Chas walked off quickly, "on second thoughts," she spat, "don't tell me anything, don't speak to me, either of you. I don't want to know".

Aaron and Carl looked at each other, bewildered and then both took off after her.

"Mum, wait a minute" Aaron called after her.

She stopped and turned at the door, wobbling slightly as she was still quite drunk. She stormed back towards Carl, going to hit him again, but Aaron held her back.

"All these years and you've never said?" she cried.

Carl was in shock, he hadn't ever expected to have to explain this to her. "How could I?" he asked her.

"How could you not?" Chas stopped struggling against Aaron's restraint and shrugged him off her. "Me and Eli were arrested. We were nearly charged with murder!"

"I got you off" Carl protested.

"I thought you'd fought so hard for me because you loved me, because you trusted I would never do that. But really, it's because it was you the whole time. And what if it hadn't worked out? What if Rosemary had got her way and I'd gone down for it?"

Carl hung his head in shame, "I wouldn't have let that happen" he said, "if anyone else had gotten the blame, I would've owned up. But you've got to believe me, I wasn't thinking straight. Not for ages after. I was panicking the whole time. That's why I was acting…"

"Like a complete prat?" Chas asked.

Carl nodded. He couldn't meet her eye.

Aaron was stood watching, listening, barely daring to breathe in case they noticed him.

"I gave you so much slack because I thought you were grieving. But all that time, you were just trying to cover your tracks…"

"No!" he interrupted, "I was devastated about what had happened. It felt like someone else had done it, and it was a weird nightmare. I wish I'd told you then, that you knew from the start. Because it's been hell having to keep it a secret all this time" he sobbed.

Chas sat back down on the sofa. She was quiet for a few minutes, trying to process everything.

"Who else knows?" she asked.

"Jimmy. Matthew knew. Carrie…"

"Lexi?" Chas asked.

Carl nodded. "Carrie told her. She used it to keep me with her. When she knew I really loved you, she sort of…blackmailed me with it. Made me think that if I left her she'd use it against me. But even then, I couldn't let you go. The day of my wedding, when we met up…I wanted you so much, I was ready to confess everything, to tell you why I'd ended up in that situation. Why I'd been pushing you away for so long. I wanted to make you understand how scared I was that everything was going to fall apart. If you hadn't turned me down, chosen Paddy…"

He couldn't carry on.

Aaron was surprised at what he was hearing. He didn't know they'd met up. He didn't know she'd turned him down. How many times had she turned him down before she'd given in? He knew that it had been because of him she'd refused to get back together, that she'd gone with Paddy instead. At the time, he'd thought he was doing the right thing by giving her such an ultimatum, but now he wondered if he'd just put everyone through unnecessary torture. If he'd just let them sort their own lives out before Chas and Paddy had got together, before Carl and Lexi had got married, how different would all their lives be?

Chas was thinking about all the times she'd been hurt by Carl without knowing where his hate had come from. So many things suddenly made sense now she knew what he'd been hiding. But how could she even think of forgiving him for this? And how could she forgive herself knowing it was her fault Tom King was dead?

She stood up. "I need time to think about this. I'm tired. I'm going home".

She walked towards the door, but stopped when Carl called her name.

"While you think about it, I beg you, please just remember that whatever's happened, I've never stopped loving you".

She didn't answer, just walked away up to the house, and waited by Diane's car while Aaron went into the house to tell her they were ready to go. They drove home in silence, Diane picking up on the atmosphere and not wanting to upset anyone further. When they got in, Diane went to check on the bar and Chas sat on the sofa as Aaron made them a brew. He joined her on the sofa, not sure how to go about talking to her.

"I'm sorry" he said simply.

Chas turned to look at him, saw the earnestness in his eyes, and couldn't stay angry at him.

"I don't know what it is about me that makes men think they can treat me like some sort of commodity" she said.

She yawned.

"I thought I was protecting you. I wanted to know that if you ever got back together, he wouldn't hurt you again"

"No one can make that sort of assurance kid. It's not possible. Every relationship is a gamble. But thanks"

"What are you going to do now you know?" Aaron asked.

She shrugged, "no idea. I'm sure you'll tell me to stay away" she said.

Aaron shook his head. "I don't know what to tell you. He's not who I thought he was."

"Join the club" she joked, then took a sip of her tea.

"No, I mean, we've more in common than I thought. He's angry, he's always been angry at himself. He did something terrible and has been living with it ever since, not being able to talk about it. No wonder he was such a muppet half the time. And I can kind of see why he's acted the way he has now – punishing himself for what he did, hurting you to hurt himself. It's not much different than me cutting."

"It's all my fault" Chas said, "if I'd have just stayed away from that wedding like I was supposed to…"

"No" Aaron said firmly, "don't start that. We both know there's no way you could have stopped this. You just need to decide what you do now."

Chas nodded. She had a lot to think about. She got up and gave Aaron a peck on the cheek "Night kiddo. Love you"

"And you" Aaron replied, watching his mum go up to bed, knowing neither of them would get much sleep that Christmas Eve.

* * *

><p><span>Epilogue - Christmas Day 2013<span>

Belle was having the best birthday ever. Fifteen years old and this was the first birthday she could remember without there being any dramas. She sat back, full of turkey and red cabbage, and surveyed all the people crowded around the table. Aaron and his new boyfriend, only introduced to the family a month ago, but already fitting right in. Marlon, Sam and Samson were arguing over a joke in the cracker. Cain and Debbie were fussing over Sarah, who had gone into complete remission since her bone marrow transplant and then managed to break her arm on a trampoline a week ago. Charity and Gennie were celebrating Christmas at the Sharmas' this year, but they would be seeing them later in the pub. Her mum was telling her dad off for eating too many sprouts – he would soon start smelling like her Uncle Shadrach used to. She missed him, but not his smell.

What made this year extra special however, was the couple sat next to her. They'd not stopped staring at each other all night, and Belle saw that they were holding hands under the table. When they'd got back together, there had been much eye rolling and teeth sucking around her family, comments like 'here we go again'. Cain and Charity had both protested. Aaron, strangely, had not. But after a couple of months, it was clear that there was something different about their relationship this time, something less desperate, more peaceful. Belle had always known Chas and Carl belonged together, she was glad they had worked things out.

And although they'd insisted they were taking things slowly, Belle's clever brain and inquisitive eyes had seen Carl's protective hand over Chas's stomach, noticed Chas's sudden taste for orange juice. She leant over and whispered to Chas, "I get to be chief babysitter".

Chas's eyes flashed with surprise, then mischief, as she winked at her little cousin, then whispered back, "I was going to offer that job to Cain, but go on then, you're booked". They shared a conspiratorial grin and went back to enjoying a Dingle family Christmas.

* * *

><p>Well that's it, only took about a year, but it's finally finished. Hope you all enjoyed it, whoever my readers may be. If you'd like to leave a final review, feel free, I'd be interested to hear what you think. Thanks to those who have reviewed throughout. Lots of love x x x<p> 


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